Bored? Like hearing about other people's problems? Have I got the post for you! Half-asking-for-advice, half-AHHHHHGGHHGH-vent.
My childhood best friend is in a serious rut/depression, and I'm not sure if I should leave her alone, or try to attempt some kind of intervention.
We've been friends for years, and were very close through college. Since college ended, I moved out of our hometown and saw less and less of her, and we aren't nearly as close as we used to be. In the meantime, her life seems to be falling apart at the seams.
She works a crappy part-time job in packing/shipping, mainly because she hasn't been able to find anything full-time. She obsesses over how she can't figure out what her "dream career" is, and often will not apply for jobs because they aren't in that elusive, unknown field. She doesn't want to do temp work, and after an unpleasant stint in retail (I'm not sure there's a pleasant stint in retail for anyone), she does not want to return to a retail position. She does not want to interact with customers, and she does not want to work with children. She has a degree in art but doesn't like any potential careers that would be open to her; she worked as a massage therapist for a while but it hurt her body and she didn't like working with customers; she flirted with graphic design and acupuncture but quit after a couple classes of each. She's lived at home with her parents since graduating from college, and what little income she has goes towards paying off her debt, and paying for acrobat/circus aerial classes in the city.
Meanwhile, everyone else has moved out of our hometown (which is virtually entirely residential and far away from the main city in our part of the state). One by one, we're figuring out our career paths, moving in with partners, etc. She's not single, but I'm not sure her relationship is really a source of comfort for her, given that she's insisted that her brain will not let her confide in her partner that she's feeling insecure about their relationship. In one instance, she insisted to me that she would rather suffer in silence than burden her boyfriend with the knowledge that him suddenly calling less often is making her wonder if everything's okay between them.
A group of us met up in the city for dinner recently, and she made some comments that were pretty disturbing. She commented on how she hadn't been showering much (i.e. she had showered for the first time in a week because she was meeting up with us), and that most days, she didn't have the energy to run errands and ends up watching hours of Netflix because she was feeling so crappy and reluctant to leave the couch. I know what depression looks like, and I feel like the longer this drags on (and it's been dragging on for years at this point; we graduated from college 5 years ago), the harder it'll be for her to get out.
I really want to help her. I know her parents, and while they're both very nice people, they're definitely not pushing her to find a job, to manage her money differently, or to move out. The more isolated she gets (as more of us move away, as more of us get married, etc), the more this problem is going to get worse.
However, because we're not close anymore, I feel like this isn't my place. I can imagine her reaction to any sort of intervention, or kind, well-meaning, "Hey, I'm really worried about you," could easily be, "We're barely even friends anymore; you have no right to tell me how to live my life," etc.
I'm also reluctant to talk to her because throughout our friendship, she has consistently ignored every single piece of advice I've ever given to her, even when she's asked me for my opinion. After several conversations that have opened with, "Hey, I know what you said, and I decided to [do the opposite]," I feel pretty used and tired. My advice certainly isn't always right, and obviously, what might be right for me might not be right for her. But it's constant. Her life is always a mess, and every conversation includes something she's struggling with (her room is such a mess she's unable to sleep in her room; she's out of meds because she forgot to send her insurance company paperwork; she found a couple of jobs but she doesn't want to apply because then she'll have to stop doing aerials). I've mostly been biting my tongue and just going, "Wow, that's really awful," or, "That's a bummer." The only help she accepts from me is editing her resume and cover letters, although frequently that actually means writing and extensively reformatting the documents. For the past few years, after very phone/IM conversation or every visit has ended, I've been frustrated to tears.
Obviously, I cannot magically fix her life. I cannot figure out what her dream career would be, nor can I convince her to apply to any full-time job that would pay rent. I can't convince her that she's beautiful, or that it's okay to let her boyfriend know that she's feeling insecure. But I feel responsible, and I also feel like the only alternative at this point is to stop initiating any contact, and minimize the amount of time I talk to her when she initiates. It really is upsetting, especially when her other problems (mostly relating to body image and dieting) come up.
So I guess if anyone's been in a similar situation, I'd appreciate advice. Otherwise, GIFs are always good!