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Seriously? How can anyone have this much drama?

Ugggh. I talked to my mom, today.  I did not talk to her about the bridal shower. I have decided to let it go.  I have dealt with it as best as I could, at that moment.  She was late, and I did not wait for her. I told my sister to serve the other guests because it would have been rude to them to let their food get cold.  Okay.  I have dealt with that issue.  She is perpetually late. Nothing will ever change that.
  My mother's sister accidentally took my mom's walker home with her. I was calling my mother to see if she wanted me to take her to get another walker.  I was talking to my mother about the shower, I had no idea my little sister was at her house... otherwise I would not have discussed any event for my wedding in front if someone who isn't invited. I am estranged from my younger sister, as well. I did not bring up any negative issues with my mother about the shower.  The conversation was really pleasant with my mother.  Then, my younger sister demanded to talk to me.   My mom did not put up much of a struggle, and gave the phone to my younger sister.  The conversation was awkward, but pleasant enough.  Then my sister said she had not received her wedding invitation, and I told her I haven't sent them out, yet.  Then I grew a pair, and said, you know what, I am not going to do this.  We do not get along, you do not like me.  My wedding day is not the time or place for us to force ourselves to get along.  We should have an amicable relationship if you are to go to my wedding.  Weddings are stressful enough, and if you take a contentious relationship and fuel it with the expectations of a typical wedding guest (to be happy for the bride and groom,)  you are setting yourself up for disaster.  She started accusing me of everything, called me names and a whore, amongst some other things she thought I had done to her during the time she was badly into heroin.
  I hung up the phone on her.  Talking to my little sister will do no good. She will never change.  My mother messaged me and apologized to me.  I told her that I will never call her house again, because I don't know if my sister is there or not.  I should not be discussing my wedding in front of someone who is not invited.  I do not need that kind of drama in my life.  If my mother wants it, then that is her business, but she should not make it mine.  I told her she can call me whenever my little sister is not there, and I will be more than happy to talk to her.  I just can't deal with the issues and the constant drama my sister brings. She is still an addict but abuses prescription medication. I don't need that level of instability in my life.  I probably will never hear from my mom again, because I am the one who always calls her, but I just can't deal with a substance abuser my mother is enabling to enter my life for the sole purpose of stirring up trouble. I know I came across very harsh, but my mother knew my sister only wanted to talk to me to start a fight. If I wanted to talk to my sister, I would have called her, myself.  Forcing me in this situation is not what I need.  Where did common sense go?
  

Re: Seriously? How can anyone have this much drama?

  • I'm sorry for what you're going through.

    Sometimes that greatest show of strength is in walking away rather than engaging. You did that. Be proud of yourself.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    themuffinman16[Deleted User]
  • Common sense is, sadly, no longer common.

    I'm so sorry -- you have my deepest sympathies. Your mother is an enabler, and until she reaps the consequences of her actions, she will continue to enable.

    DH's grandmother, whom I've posted about many, many times, is the same way. She's manipulative, lying, deceitful, and downright mean. But whatever -- it's who she is and I know I'm not going to change it.

    But actions have consequences, and she's learning that the hard way right now. She was given photos of BIL and SIL's wedding, to which DH's bio-parents weren't just 'not invited,' they were specifically barred from attending. BSC granny was invited. She attended, and was given copies of the photos.

    She knew that BIL and SIL didn't want DH's bio-parents to have copies of them, or even to know that photos existed, because DH's bio-mom has been on a kick lately of making copies of photos and sending them to her kids with guilt-laden missives about how they should all be a big happy family again.

    Granny gave those photos to her son and DIL anyway, and when she was confronted about it -- by an outraged and irate SIL, who was absolutely furious -- she just whinged and whimpered and said, 'Well, I didn't think it was right for you not to give any to them, and they really wanted them, and it's not right that you all don't get along, and I don't see why you're mad.'

    SIL told her, 'That is THE LAST TIME you will ever get photos of us or our son, or be involved in our lives. If you can't honour our rules, you don't get to be in our lives, period.'

    DH's brother relayed all of this to him, and said, 'So, from now on, we don't want to see Granny. We want to see you and HisGirl, but not with Granny.'

    Given that I already refuse to see Granny, this is just another nail in the coffin for her relationship with DH, which she found out when she called him to whinge and he said, "Well, crazylady, actions have consequences. You fucked up, and if you don't at least try to fix it, you have no one but yourself to blame.'

    She's furious, and alternates between raging at us (thank God for caller ID so her calls can be screened) and crying hysterically (also screened) because she's lonely. Oh.Well. Actions have consequences, and the consequences of alienating your grandsons' wives are that you don't get to see your grandsons (or great-grandson, in the case of BIL's son) anymore.

    You might never hear from your mom again -- but it sounds like that's no big loss. She knew your sister wanted to start a fight, she knew your sister was going to get angry, and she did what she did anyway. Why do you need or want her in your life at all after all that you've posted about her on here? I mean that seriously -- what benefit does she bring that you'd miss if she were gone?
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    themuffinman16beharrington[Deleted User]
  • I'm so sorry (((hugs)))
    themuffinman16
  • Thank you, ladies.  I guess with all of the loons that I no longer speak with, it kind of makes me feel like it reflects upon me.  Who am I that I get along with almost no one in my family?  But then again, most people don't have families like mine.  My mother never used to be this person.  I have to grieve and let go of who she was and accept who she has become. My parents used to beat it into me (not literally) that you should honor your parents.  they did not tell me that they would do everything in their power to disrespect me, all of my life... the whole while I would still have to honor them.
       My mother was fierce when she was younger, and then she just basically, gave up.  She could never tell anyone no, and her doing so has enabled my little sister to do whatever she wants, without consequences.  My twin sister is the only one in my immediate family who is not a bad seed.  I guess that's why we are so close. I just wish I could get that woman back who used to be an awesome mom.  But wishing isn't getting. I just will safeguard my relationship with my mom.  If I get any more drama, it will just have to go the way of my other family members.  I did not chose to do heroin, so I should not have the lasting effects of it in my life. Just really sad.  The year of my wedding, and I feel like I am almost an orphan.
  • Thank you, ladies.  I guess with all of the loons that I no longer speak with, it kind of makes me feel like it reflects upon me.  Who am I that I get along with almost no one in my family?  But then again, most people don't have families like mine.  My mother never used to be this person.  I have to grieve and let go of who she was and accept who she has become. My parents used to beat it into me (not literally) that you should honor your parents.  they did not tell me that they would do everything in their power to disrespect me, all of my life... the whole while I would still have to honor them.
       My mother was fierce when she was younger, and then she just basically, gave up.  She could never tell anyone no, and her doing so has enabled my little sister to do whatever she wants, without consequences.  My twin sister is the only one in my immediate family who is not a bad seed.  I guess that's why we are so close. I just wish I could get that woman back who used to be an awesome mom.  But wishing isn't getting. I just will safeguard my relationship with my mom.  If I get any more drama, it will just have to go the way of my other family members.  I did not chose to do heroin, so I should not have the lasting effects of it in my life. Just really sad.  The year of my wedding, and I feel like I am almost an orphan.
    I'm in the same boat as you, and I am so, so sorry. 

    My dad is a manipulative bastard, his wife is an immature, insecure alcoholic, my sister and her FI are recovering addicts, and they're all crazy abusive. It sucks, but that's who they are and nothing's going to change it or suddenly give me anything in common with them.

    Don't beat yourself up about it. Don't let yourself feel guilty for not getting along with your family. DNA alone does not a relationship make, and just because you're born into a family doesn't mean you're automatically going to have anything in common. All that aside, you have to do the best thing for you, for your sanity, and your future happiness - and you're doing it. Be bloody, bold, and resolute, and know that Knotties got your back!
    imageDaisypath Friendship tickers
    themuffinman16LakeR2014
  • I'm definitely sending ALL the hugs your way.

    FWIW it definitely does not seem to be you. My BIL's family is similar and he is one of the greatest people I know- I couldn't have hand picked a better husband for my sister. 
    themuffinman16
  • You did the right thing! This is going to be hard for a time, but at the wedding, you will be glad you did it. I was so worried that there would be drama about an uninvited cousin who is estranged from my mom. But no one even noticed he wasn't there because he's such a flake that it didn't even seem out of place for him to not show. 
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