Sick of planning- what's actually necessary? (and a little bit of venting)

wandajune6

I'm sick of wedding planning and being asked about wedding planning. I'll need to check my ticker but I've got about 5 months before the wedding. I've got a venue, caterer, DJ, officiant and photographer. I have my dress and the WP knows what to wear. I have ideas about DIY centerpieces that may or may not materialize. We have ideas about invitations that we'll need to figure out as well.

My allergies have been killing me for the last 2 weeks. We've spent the last month moving out of my apartment and helping his mom and sister move. We have a ton of house projects that need to get done before the end of the summer. FI and I are both busy at work - and my work is about to get crazy. FI's also going to go to school FT (in addition to working FT) at the end of the summer. His mom's got health issues and we're becoming her main source of help. FI and I just don't have the energy to do a lot more wedding planning. Or, more specifically, it's fun to think about it but I don't have the time to execute anything. We're also not getting a lot of help- my sister/MOH doesn't have time for me already, my mom's too busy taking care of other stuff, FMIL is so afraid to step on toes that she's not helping (which, from what I understand, isn't a terrible thing).

On top of that, we're now hosting the family "get to know you" dinner. My parents wanted to do this and offered to host it but it got turfed to us for logistical reasons. While I'm excited about the whole thing, I'm now organizing dinner for 35 in our backyard in a month. It will be a low key backyard BBQ but it's still a ton of work.

I know I need things like cake, centerpieces, bouquets, rings and hair/makeup. How much else do I really need to do? I had plans for beautiful boxes of supplies for bathrooms, a cute card box, thoughtful decorations, activity bags for kids, bags for hotel guests, etc. I'm just running out of steam.

So what's the minimum we can get away with and still be great hosts? I need a bit of a reality check.

ElcaB

Ugh, I'm sorry you're organizing dinner for 35 on top of everything else. Can you relocate it to a casual restaurant with a patio instead to ease the stress?

Make a list of "extras" --- things that would be nice to have/do, but are also unnecessary, like bathroom baskets. Unless you have extra time and motivation, skip the things on that list. 

Use the KISS method (keep it simple, silly!) when making wedding-related decisions. If you want super intricate DIY centerpieces that will take forever to make, switch to a simpler plan like potted flowers or lanterns & ivy instead.  

IMO, all you need to be an awesome host is a weather-protected venue with chairs, adequate nourishment for the TOD you're hosting, and to show up on time. If you have those, you're golden. 

lyndausvi

That is why I hate Pinterest and such.  It makes people think they need all this crap and they end up overextending themselves.

To be a good host you need food appropriate for the time of day, some sort of beverages and a comfortable spot for your guests to sit, eat and mingle.

With 5 months out and most of the big stuff booked I would focus on invitations and then take a break.   Revisit flowers and CP later when you are under 90 days.

All the other stuff just cut from the list.  Sure they are nice touches, but not needed in anyway.

GL

HisGirlFriday13

wandajune6 said:

I'm sick of wedding planning and being asked about wedding planning. I'll need to check my ticker but I've got about 5 months before the wedding. I've got a venue, caterer, DJ, officiant and photographer. I have my dress and the WP knows what to wear. I have ideas about DIY centerpieces that may or may not materialize. We have ideas about invitations that we'll need to figure out as well.

My allergies have been killing me for the last 2 weeks. We've spent the last month moving out of my apartment and helping his mom and sister move. We have a ton of house projects that need to get done before the end of the summer. FI and I are both busy at work - and my work is about to get crazy. FI's also going to go to school FT (in addition to working FT) at the end of the summer. His mom's got health issues and we're becoming her main source of help. FI and I just don't have the energy to do a lot more wedding planning. Or, more specifically, it's fun to think about it but I don't have the time to execute anything. We're also not getting a lot of help- my sister/MOH doesn't have time for me already, my mom's too busy taking care of other stuff, FMIL is so afraid to step on toes that she's not helping (which, from what I understand, isn't a terrible thing).

On top of that, we're now hosting the family "get to know you" dinner. My parents wanted to do this and offered to host it but it got turfed to us for logistical reasons. While I'm excited about the whole thing, I'm now organizing dinner for 35 in our backyard in a month. It will be a low key backyard BBQ but it's still a ton of work.

I know I need things like cake, centerpieces, bouquets, rings and hair/makeup. How much else do I really need to do? I had plans for beautiful boxes of supplies for bathrooms, a cute card box, thoughtful decorations, activity bags for kids, bags for hotel guests, etc. I'm just running out of steam.

So what's the minimum we can get away with and still be great hosts? I need a bit of a reality check.

Cake -- cupcakes, cheesecake, buy a sheetcake from the local bakery or grocery store

Centrepieces -- nice if you have 'em, not necessary

Rings -- Yeah, probably

Hair/make-up -- Only if you want to and have time for it. FWIW, I did not have a hair trial before my wedding and I did my own make-up.

Beyond Lynda's list, you need you, your FI, your officiant, your loved ones, a venue that can hold them, enough food for the time of day, alcohol that they don't have to pay for (or none at all, if that's your style), and the desire to get married.

We did our invites through VistaPrint, and they were here within a week. No inner envelopes, just outers, postcard RSVPs, and I took a Sunday afternoon when DH was at work and addressed them all by hand. Stuffed them, sealed them, mailed them. 

They don't have to be fancy, they just have to get the job done. 

Good luck!

wandajune6

Thank you!

My parents were originally going to host it at a restaurant before they got their head around how many people are in FI's immediate family (he's oldest of 4 and everyone has 3+ kids). Restaurants ended up out of budget. Everyone's offering to bring food, man the grill, etc. but no one things about handling the table/chair rental, cleaning the house, buying the random supplies, etc. We'll get it done, it's just more to worry about.

We need to order invitations but I'm still waiting to hear back on our venue about start times (the contract lists 2 different times and I can't remember which we agreed on!). It's a minor detail for us but I want to get the invitations right. It's on my list to be done in the next week or so. They won't be fancy so it shouldn't take too long.

I have a detailed spreadsheet of the 1001 projects and ideas- the bathroom baskets, pomanders, etc. They'll probably get dropped.

It's funny- I live by KISS at work but for wedding planning, I get overwhelmed by all of the ideas that I read about or come to me. Our venue is pretty and weather-appropriate, we'll have far too much food, and, in all likelihood, a ridiculous excess of booze.

wandajune6

@HisGirl- we keep saying Costco flowers and sheetcake! I think we're doing Vistaprint invitations as well- I just know that FI will spend hours on the layout!

You're all right! Thank you for the sanity check.

I'm sure I'll have more time/energy/drive closer to the wedding. In the meantime, I just want to curl up on the couch for the next month!

SBmini

Do yourself a favor and hire a housekeeper to clean your house before the getting to know you party. It costs about $85 for someone to clean my friend's 3,000 sq ft house and it is the best $85 you can spend when you have all of that stuff on your plate!

I would start asking yourself whether or not people will notice if something isn't there. Will people notice if there are no tables and chairs? Yes. Will they notice a lack of children's activities? No. Even flowers and cake aren't requirements. What is required is that you guys are dressed, stand before someone who is legally able to marry you, exchange rings, have the license, and then feed your guests and provide some music. Everything else is above and beyond!

jenna8984

Definitely keep it simple. In addition to the great answers above- think about what YOU remember from other peoples' weddings. I remember food, music, love, and thank you notes. I don't remember programs, bathroom baskets, bridesmaids shoes, centerpieces, card boxes.

The other day I was standing in the store for 10 minutes debating on which candle for my lantern centerpiece. I kept saying well this one is so much cheaper, but it's skinnier. I finally came to my senses, slapped myself, and said "No F-ing person is going to be sitting there wishing their centerpiece candle were wider!!" so just make quick easy decisions and go with them, no frills necessary!

theartistformerlyknownas

Just chunk it out by when it really needs to get done by, and focus on one thing at a time. If you have extra time and need a change of pace, you can add in one of your "nice to have" things. You have lots of time though!

weddingmcgee

@Jenna8984 is right, no one pays as much attention to those things like we do. It's like when you have a zit and you know everyone is looking at it all day, but half the people never noticed that you even had a blemish. 

I wanted those extras, too and then started driving myself crazy organizing and paying for it. So, instead of a whole basket in the ladies restroom, I just got some nice hand soap and matching lotion in a light, neutral fragrance. Boom. 

I wanted welcome baskets or something for the hotel, but I just decided to personally welcome everyone close to their check in time since most people will be checking in the day before the wedding.

People will remember the effort you make to ensure they feel welcome and included, but won't remember the fancy stuff in the bathroom. Spend that extra time on relaxing and actually enjoying being engaged. If you have extra money, save it. Or, go to the spa!Yes, take care of your guests. But take care of yourself so you can take care of everything else. 

wandajune6

You're all right! That's really what I needed to hear.

I'll get a second wind on all of this and it will start being fun again. In the meantime, I'm just cranky!

wandajune6

That's a great approach. We've been focusing on 1 and 2 much more than 3 so far. We're mostly stuck on the things we think are expected of us- the flowers, centerpieces, and other niceties!