invited to a wedding, SO wasn't

verymegv

looking for some weigh in...i recently received a save the date from a friend addressed to me. she doesn't know that i'm in a relationship, thus, it was only addressed to me, no +1. knowing a few other of the guests, SO's were invited. is this something i should tell her before invites go out or should i just expect to fly solo on this? i'd love to bring my SO to the event, and wonder if he would have received an invite had she known, but i also care for my friend and wouldn't want to put her in an awkward situation. help me avoid being "that guest"...do i just shut up?

AprilH81

Save the Dates don't always have to include a SO's name (especially if it is a new relationship and you aren't living together).

If the couple isn't aware you are in a relationship you should casually bring it up the next time you are talking to them.  They can't invite someone if they don't know he/she exists...

phira

verymegv said:

looking for some weigh in...i recently received a save the date from a friend addressed to me. she doesn't know that i'm in a relationship, thus, it was only addressed to me, no +1. knowing a few other of the guests, SO's were invited. is this something i should tell her before invites go out or should i just expect to fly solo on this? i'd love to bring my SO to the event, and wonder if he would have received an invite had she known, but i also care for my friend and wouldn't want to put her in an awkward situation. help me avoid being "that guest"...do i just shut up?

When I sent save-the-dates, I didn't know if some of my friends were in relationships or not. Because these were save-the-dates and not invitations, I didn't worry about getting that info at the time. Of course, all significant others will be invited, though.

So basically, no SO on save-the-date doesn't mean no SO on invitation. However, as a bride, I wouldn't be offended at all if someone asked. So, I'd just bring it up when you have a chance. Be polite, just assume they didn't know. "Hey, I got your save-the-date! I love the design. I was wondering, will I be able to bring [SO] to the wedding?"

theartistformerlyknownas

I would wait. I didn't include note of "and guest" on the Save the Dates, but that doesn't mean they're not invited to the wedding. If the formal invitation comes and he's still not included, I would decline.

HisGirlFriday13

You say your friend doesn't know that you're in a relationship, so just mention it to her in passing.

When we sent STDates, we did include SOs (because most of our friends are live-in with their SOs), but we had people who started relationships after the STDates, who just mentioned to us, 'Oh, I have an SO now, is it cool if I bring him/her?'

VulgarGirl

Our save the dates only included SOs if we knew of the SO. We didn't include plus ones on save the dates. We'll save that for the wedding.

In the meantime, mention to your friend you have an SO.

thisismynickname2

MagicInk said:

Our save the dates only included SOs if we knew of the SO. We didn't include plus ones on save the dates. We'll save that for the wedding.

In the meantime, mention to your friend you have an SO.

Ditto! My two truly single friends had no qualms about asking me about dates, and I had no qualms telling them to let me know who they want to bring 2 months ahead so I can put their name on the invite properly (or put And Guest). 

KPBM89

When we sent save the dates, we sent them to the person in the couple that we knew if they didn't live together.  Save the dates aren't formal like invitations so guests aren't always included on the envelope.  But I'm sure once your friend finds out you have a SO, they will (if they follow etiquette) invite them as well on the formal invite.

schellzinator

Same here - we didn't put the plus one's for our single friends for a variety of reasons.  Some ladies reached out and asked me if they'd be receiving a plus one and I gladly told them they would be. It was also a great way for me to catch up with some friends and hear how their lives were going!!

[Deleted User]

I agree with everyone, you need to let the bride know you have a SO. Since she doesn't know, sounds like it might be time for a drink or coffee date for the two of you to catch up on things going on in each other lives besides just her wedding.

ashleyep

My save the dates only had SOs on it if the couple lived together. My logic was that I was addressing it to both of them, whereas a non live-in SO doesn't receive mail at their SO's house. 

I had one person ask if he would be invited with a guest. It's not a big deal to ask.

kgd7357

I think it's pretty common to only put the person you know on a STD. We didn't do our round of asking about SOs until about 2 weeks before we sent invites. That way we had more up-to-date info.

thenewmrsq

My FI forgot to mention the SO's of two of his friends, so their invites went out addressed only to them. Luckily, both of them clarified with me, I apologized profusely, and accepted an RSVP for them and their SOs (who totally would have been invited if I had known!) Personally, I think it never hurts to clarify, and I'm extremely glad that FI's two friends didn't take offense to the fact that their SO's were accidentally left off!!