Elderly grandparents.....help!

anghampton

Hey girls, I need some advice and especailly any BTDT pointers.

We are still in the very early planning stages (no venue chosen and date narrowed down to 2 options) and my FI doesn't want to get married in the city. We won't get married far, but about 2 hours from where we (and my family) live.  My grandparents are 90 years old and their health is declining.  They have been a very important part of my life and I want them to be there, but they have said that they cannot travel- probably not any farther than 20 minutes from home.

Has anyone ever had to deal with this?  We are considering having an early private ceremony with just the 2 of them and our officiant.  Does anyone else have any suggestions?

My FI does not want to have the wedding local, and honestly, there just aren't many options that are that close to them.   HELP!?!?!?!

Ang in Houston

catwine

I like the idea of dropping by their place either before or after the ceremony to visit in your wedding clothes. 

bandjwedding2012

I understand your problem. My 96 year old grandmother and my great aunt probably won't be coming to our wedding. When we picked out date and location they were both in fairly good health. As much as you can be at 96. In the last year though health has changed and traveling would be very hard on both of them. I don't have the option of going and seeing them the day off, they live four hours away. Yes I will miss them terribly, but I know they would be there if they could. I plan on giving them a copy of the video and plenty of pictures.
   You still have time to figure this all out though. Take a deep breathe and you'll figure it out.

whitneymarie504

We went through this and decided to struggle and find a venue within reasonable distance for FI's will then be 96 year old grandfather. We ended up with a perfect location that all of our guests can get to for the ceremony. We had another location within driving distance we loved but it was quite a hike (paved but long) to get from the parking to the ceremony location so we declined to do it there because he would not have been able to get down there easily. Our reception location is also easily accessible and within 15 min of his house. You have to choose what is more important to you and your groom. For us, the whole rush on the wedding is so his grandfather can be there so it was a no brainer.

MairePoppy

This is what I told my daughter when she asked me the same question:

You and fi pick the place that you really want to have your wedding. If you pick your second choice just because it is closer to grandma, there is a good chance that she will refuse to attend, as she no longer enjoys parties. She uses the excuse that it's too far away, but the truth is that she is old, tired, hard of hearing, confused, forgetful  and doesn't like to have her schedule rearranged.  She is content in the nursing home. Let her be. She would be happy and proud if you visited her in your wedding dress, where you can sit and talk with her quietly for awhile. She can also show you off to her elderly friends, who will also get the joy of seeing a beautiful bride in her wedding dress and the handsome groom. Bring a pretty cake and grandmas wedding portrait and let her talk about her own wedding.

Best wishes.

mellimel19

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_elderly-grandparentshelp?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:10Discussion:3f25dedf-0dd5-4ca0-a09d-c44a2ba08edePost:380b5b1c-226f-4e1d-9cf3-522c1dc06dc8">Re: Elderly grandparents.....help!</a>:
[QUOTE]This is what I told my daughter when she asked me the same question: You and fi pick the place that you really want to have your wedding. If you pick your second choice just because it is closer to grandma, there is a good chance that she will refuse to attend, as she no longer enjoys parties. She uses the excuse that it's too far away, but the truth is that she is old, tired, hard of hearing, confused, forgetful  and doesn't like to have her schedule rearranged.  She is content in the nursing home. Let her be. She would be happy and proud if you visited her in your wedding dress, where you can sit and talk with her quietly for awhile. She can also show you off to her elderly friends, who will also get the joy of seeing a beautiful bride in her wedding dress and the handsome groom. Bring a pretty cake and grandmas wedding portrait and let her talk about her own wedding. Best wishes.
Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

I agree with Maire. CHoose what is best for you, and then you can either visit with them earlier in the day, or make a special date to watch your wedding video with them. It was very important to FI and I that his grandparents attend our wedding. And we tried taking that into consideration when looking at venues. We ultimately chose our dream venue, which is about an hour and 45 minutes away. His grandparents will not be coming, even though we offered to pay for their nurse to come to the wedding as well as for her hotel room should they choose to stay overnight.  However, we're glad we chose the venue we wanted, because over the last year and a half, their health has been on the decline, and they have stopped coming to many parties, even those that are close by. His grandmother didn't come to my bridal shower, which was only 3 blocks away from her house. Fortunately we'll be able to show them our wedding video and our pictures so they'll get a glimpse of our day.