Anniversary Party

iloveotters2014

I want to throw an anniversary party for my parents at the end of the summer since it's their 30th anniversary. I started chatting with my siblings about planning it together and the two of them seem on board yay!

I started talking about talking with our aunt about using her backyard and doing a low key backyard bbq with some grilled food, cake, beer, wine, etc.....Simple enough.

Well then my sis mentioned why don't we just have everyone go out to dinner! I was like yeah that would be a good idea, but renting a private room and paying a per plate price can get really pricey really fast, but we could possibly swing it.

Then she said....no we would just pay for mom and dad and everyone can pay for themselves. eehhhhhhhh. Not sure how to touch on that. She equated it to how when my relatives go out for birthday dinners they all pay their individual shares. Which I totally get....but having someone come out to dinner with you for your birthday is different than formally inviting them to a party and then asking them to pay for themselves. I'm not sure how get it this through her head without her getting really annoyed with me and thinking I'm "stuck up". I'm not trying to be, I just don't like the idea of putting anyone out. booooo

Maybe i just keep going with the backyard idea and talk with my aunt and hope my siblings get on board at some point?

JCbride2015

I would not expect guests to pay their own way at dinner. Stay with the backyard idea. Tell her that a formal invite = hosted event. Compare it to a wedding.

phira

I agree with you. You're suggesting that you all host a party, which is different from celebrating an event at a restaurant (which means you're not hosting).

I don't think you're going to be able to convince your sister that she's not quite getting the difference (since you've already clarified it really nicely!). So instead, what I suggest is take on the majority of the planning (if you can do so without jeopardizing your mental health!). That way, your sister can't say, "Let's not do this because it's too much work."

You said that your other siblings are on board--with just the "let's have a party" idea, or are they on board with the backyard party? I would focus on getting them on board with your plan, and (gently and politely) giving your sister things she can do to help without her feeling like she's doing SO much work.

And you can always suck up a little bit. Like, if she's on board with the backyard party and all she does is pick out the invitations and send them, she'll get the same amount of credit as the rest of you, and your parents will be happy.

lyndausvi

We had a surprise party for my parents 25th.  Only my sister and I had money.  Brothers were poor college students.   We had the party at my parent's house.  They were completely surprised.  We were able to caterer some of the food and then made the rest ourselves. Some of my aunts also chipped in with some salads or something.  There were about 70+ people at the party. 

I do not like the notion that a restaurant party is "better".  No, I much prefer the backyard parties.  Actually, that is what my dad's 70th surprise party is going to be.  A nice backyard party.  People can swim, play shuffleboard.  People can stay as long as they want and the cost is way cheaper than any other venue.  We hired a caterer for this one, but it's was fairly cheap at less that $15 a head.

iloveotters2014

phira said:

I agree with you. You're suggesting that you all host a party, which is different from celebrating an event at a restaurant (which means you're not hosting).

I don't think you're going to be able to convince your sister that she's not quite getting the difference (since you've already clarified it really nicely!). So instead, what I suggest is take on the majority of the planning (if you can do so without jeopardizing your mental health!). That way, your sister can't say, "Let's not do this because it's too much work."

You said that your other siblings are on board--with just the "let's have a party" idea, or are they on board with the backyard party? I would focus on getting them on board with your plan, and (gently and politely) giving your sister things she can do to help without her feeling like she's doing SO much work.

And you can always suck up a little bit. Like, if she's on board with the backyard party and all she does is pick out the invitations and send them, she'll get the same amount of credit as the rest of you, and your parents will be happy.

This is a really good idea. After planning my wedding I think that handling an anniversary party will be a piece of cake haha.

My siblings are both on board with having the party. None of us are really agreeing on what "hosting" a party really means it seems. I think you are right if I kind of take the reins and give them each some tasks the backyard idea will come out on top.

I have no problem sucking it up a bit and losing some of the credit. I just want my parents to have a great party with their friends and family. And seeing their kids come together to do that for them will make them so happy

I just really dont want to piss my sister off and ruin the whole thing....but there is no way I'll ever be on board with having everyone pay their own meal at a party....ever.

iloveotters2014

lyndausvi said:

We had a surprise party for my parents 25th.  Only my sister and I had money.  Brothers were poor college students.   We had the party at my parent's house.  They were completely surprised.  We were able to caterer some of the food and then made the rest ourselves. Some of my aunts also chipped in with some salads or something.  There were about 70+ people at the party. 

I do not like the notion that a restaurant party is "better".  No, I much prefer the backyard parties.  Actually, that is what my dad's 70th surprise party is going to be.  A nice backyard party.  People can swim, play shuffleboard.  People can stay as long as they want and the cost is way cheaper than any other venue.  We hired a caterer for this one, but it's was fairly cheap at less that $15 a head.

My thoughts exactly! and what you said sounds lovely. My parents are more chill, low key people anyway. I think they would prefer something where people can stay and hang out as long as they want with yard games and such. I was even thinking it would be cool to like set up a martini bar and a sangria station, since my dad LOVES martini's and my mom like dies over sangria lol. We wouldn't really be able to do anything like that affordably at a restaurant.

sophhabobopha

iloveotters2014 said:

lyndausvi said:

We had a surprise party for my parents 25th.  Only my sister and I had money.  Brothers were poor college students.   We had the party at my parent's house.  They were completely surprised.  We were able to caterer some of the food and then made the rest ourselves. Some of my aunts also chipped in with some salads or something.  There were about 70+ people at the party. 

I do not like the notion that a restaurant party is "better".  No, I much prefer the backyard parties.  Actually, that is what my dad's 70th surprise party is going to be.  A nice backyard party.  People can swim, play shuffleboard.  People can stay as long as they want and the cost is way cheaper than any other venue.  We hired a caterer for this one, but it's was fairly cheap at less that $15 a head.

My thoughts exactly! and what you said sounds lovely. My parents are more chill, low key people anyway. I think they would prefer something where people can stay and hang out as long as they want with yard games and such. I was even thinking it would be cool to like set up a martini bar and a sangria station, since my dad LOVES martini's and my mom like dies over sangria lol. We wouldn't really be able to do anything like that affordably at a restaurant.

I love this idea! I agree with PPs to take on most of the planning. Good luck!

lyndausvi

sophhabobopha said:

iloveotters2014 said:

lyndausvi said:

We had a surprise party for my parents 25th.  Only my sister and I had money.  Brothers were poor college students.   We had the party at my parent's house.  They were completely surprised.  We were able to caterer some of the food and then made the rest ourselves. Some of my aunts also chipped in with some salads or something.  There were about 70+ people at the party. 

I do not like the notion that a restaurant party is "better".  No, I much prefer the backyard parties.  Actually, that is what my dad's 70th surprise party is going to be.  A nice backyard party.  People can swim, play shuffleboard.  People can stay as long as they want and the cost is way cheaper than any other venue.  We hired a caterer for this one, but it's was fairly cheap at less that $15 a head.

My thoughts exactly! and what you said sounds lovely. My parents are more chill, low key people anyway. I think they would prefer something where people can stay and hang out as long as they want with yard games and such. I was even thinking it would be cool to like set up a martini bar and a sangria station, since my dad LOVES martini's and my mom like dies over sangria lol. We wouldn't really be able to do anything like that affordably at a restaurant.

I love this idea! I agree with PPs to take on most of the planning. Good luck!

Great idea.

I feel like people tend to be reserved at a restaurant parties. Plus you tend to stay seated.  At a backyard party people mingle more, they laugh louder, tell sillier stories.   I feel the vibe is more relaxed.

OT - Here are some ideas we are doing for our party.   DH and I created photo CPs.  They were made up of pictures from birth to last week when he did the Great Wall of China half marathon (got to love technology).  My sister used coupons from VistaPrint to make up lawns signs with other pictures and fun things about his life.  They will go around the pool.  My SIL is making up flags of every country he has been to (over 40).  Brother making up a slide show (to be run in the background). 

iloveotters2014

lyndausvi said:

sophhabobopha said:

iloveotters2014 said:

lyndausvi said:

We had a surprise party for my parents 25th.  Only my sister and I had money.  Brothers were poor college students.   We had the party at my parent's house.  They were completely surprised.  We were able to caterer some of the food and then made the rest ourselves. Some of my aunts also chipped in with some salads or something.  There were about 70+ people at the party. 

I do not like the notion that a restaurant party is "better".  No, I much prefer the backyard parties.  Actually, that is what my dad's 70th surprise party is going to be.  A nice backyard party.  People can swim, play shuffleboard.  People can stay as long as they want and the cost is way cheaper than any other venue.  We hired a caterer for this one, but it's was fairly cheap at less that $15 a head.

My thoughts exactly! and what you said sounds lovely. My parents are more chill, low key people anyway. I think they would prefer something where people can stay and hang out as long as they want with yard games and such. I was even thinking it would be cool to like set up a martini bar and a sangria station, since my dad LOVES martini's and my mom like dies over sangria lol. We wouldn't really be able to do anything like that affordably at a restaurant.

I love this idea! I agree with PPs to take on most of the planning. Good luck!

Great idea.

I feel like people tend to be reserved at a restaurant parties. Plus you tend to stay seated.  At a backyard party people mingle more, they laugh louder, tell sillier stories.   I feel the vibe is more relaxed.

OT - Here are some ideas we are doing for our party.   DH and I created photo CPs.  They were made up of pictures from birth to last week when he did the Great Wall of China half marathon (got to love technology).  My sister used coupons from VistaPrint to make up lawns signs with other pictures and fun things about his life.  They will go around the pool.  My SIL is making up flags of every country he has been to (over 40).  Brother making up a slide show (to be run in the background). 

ohhhh I love these ideas!! Thank you

Mkincaid2014

I get potlucks for holidays and buying my own dinner at a restaurant for small informal gatherings, but I think parties like this should be hosted and honestly I would expect it if I received an invitation in the mail. 

My cousins recently threw a surprise party for their parents at a fire hall in their hometown, and we all received mailed invitations.  When my mom called to RSVP yes, she was then asked what dish she'd like to bring.  The invitation did not indicate that it was a potluck, so she had to come up with something on the spot.  It was kind of a bait-and-switch in terms of a "hosted" party.  I know you're not thinking about doing a potluck, but it's still an issue of managing expectations.

Stand your ground on your backyard party idea!  In my family, there are several family members who couldn't afford a night out like that and would have to skip the party if there was a chance they'd be expected to pay for themselves.  The formality of a restaurant will also make it more difficult for all the attendees to have an opportunity to talk to the guests of honor.  Your guests will really appreciate the relaxed vibe and chance to talk to your parents and many others at the party.  Good luck!