Wedding Etiquette Forum

Thank you cards

chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
So, I asked H to write thank you cards for the wedding gifts for his side of the family. I've been working on addressing them tonight. One of them the envelope he had the names really weird and way to high for stamps/return addresses.  So I opened it to put it in a new envelope and read the card, namely to see if he mentioned the 6 people on the front of the envelope by name. The card reads

"We are so happy you were able to make it to the wedding. We are planning to use your gift towards our honeymoon. 
Thanks for the cash, 
H & Me."


I.......I feel like I need to read and re-write all of these cards now. Would you do the same? Or is it not as bad as I think it is?
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Re: Thank you cards

  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 Oregon member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    Oh my gosh. That is hilarious.  I'm sure you don't find it funny, but I totally could see my FI do that. He didn't write thank-you notes until he started dating me. 

    I would give them back to FI and explain why that wasn't okay and negotiate who has to re-write it. If I did them, I would get favors such as back rubs and foot rubs. 

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  • Thanks for the cash? That's not okay lol. Does he just not care enough to try? Or does he really think he did a good job? I kinda feel bad if he's really that clueless on how to thank someone for a gift.


    He owes you big time if you redo them. Like, tons of foot rubs.
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  • Yeah, I wouldn't be sending them. 'Thanks for the cash' is just not okay but I would feel bad if he did think he was doing them well....but not bad enough to send them. 
  • I'd be rewriting them. That's just such a...generic? canned? not sure what word I'm looking for here note.

    But 'thanks for the cash' is definitely not an OK TY.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Welp, guess I'm putting a bottle of wine in the fridge. I'm going to need it. 

    I'll mention it to H, though I think I'll end up redoing them. He actually has worse handwriting then I do. And I can't say my thank you cards were these mile long, super personalized things, but they were also more then 3 sentences and no thanks for cash.

    I think he thinks he did good. He's very blunt and too the point. 
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  • ElcaBElcaB member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    chibiyui said:
    Welp, guess I'm putting a bottle of wine in the fridge. I'm going to need it. 

    I'll mention it to H, though I think I'll end up redoing them. He actually has worse handwriting then I do. And I can't say my thank you cards were these mile long, super personalized things, but they were also more then 3 sentences and no thanks for cash.

    I think he thinks he did good. He's very blunt and too the point. 
    Eek! That's pretty rough. 

    Careful with that bottle though, or it could get all,

    "Thaljjlks for coming to our weddinggggg!"
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    cupcait927chibiyui
  • I would re-write them. My husband would write that. If I asked him to re-write them, he would've told me I should've told him what to write.

    Guys don't grow up writing notes.
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    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Oh man. I'm totally cracking up. This is something my FI would do too. 
    chibiyui
  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 Oregon member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer

    I would re-write them. My husband would write that. If I asked him to re-write them, he would've told me I should've told him what to write.

    Guys don't grow up writing notes.

    My brother writes amazing thank you notes, because both if my parents enforced the write a thank you before you use it rule.


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    [Deleted User]HisGirlFriday13KeptInStitches
  • slothiegalslothiegal The Sloth Farm member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Oh man. I'm totally cracking up. This is something my FI would do too. 
    Oh god, me too.  I'm sorry @chibiyui, I know you must be frustrated, but this is just all too familiar in our household.  This past Christmas, I told my FI that he should probably spend a little bit more time on his thank you note to my parents (I think it read: "Thanks for the stuff you got me.  See you at the wedding").  He then spent forty minutes hemming and hawing and finally just asked me to tell him what to write.
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    chibiyuiadverb1129
  • Men. hahahaha.

    Now I'm thinking I should supervise my H's thank you notes :/
  • Hahahahahaha. Yeah, I'd re-write them. 
  • I would re-write them. My husband would write that. If I asked him to re-write them, he would've told me I should've told him what to write.

    Guys don't grow up writing notes.
    My brother writes amazing thank you notes, because both if my parents enforced the write a thank you before you use it rule.
    Yeah, I'm not sure that this is a gender thing. The only time in my life, before my shower, that I've written thank you cards was for high school and college graduation gifts. Maybe Confirmation. My parents never pushed it other than - but my brother had to write thank you cards just the same. 
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  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I think that more women than men are taught to write polite thank you notes (so it's a gender socialization thing, not a biological thing). I would abso-fucking-lutely rewrite them.
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    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
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    pinkshorts27HisGirlFriday13chibiyuiKeptInStitches
  • JaxInBlueJaxInBlue member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    edited May 2014
    I don't disagree with PPs that the notes are blunt and probably need to be redone, but would you consider adding your own note to the already written card? The message could be more like what you'd write and similar to the cards you did. But I wouldn't completely undo his message, especially to family or close friends who might understand that his expression of thanks matches his style.

    DH is not a card writer. At all. For most holidays, I write the bulk of the message and he signs or adds a closing message and then signs. The messages are straightforward most of the time, but that's who he is: expressions of emotion or gratitude are more personal in person.

    I guess what I'm saying is - you divided up the cards and he wrote them. The message is blunt but it's not sarcastic or ill-intentioned. I wouldn't discount that and I would try to salvage the original card and message rather than completely redoing them.

    ETA: Paragraphs.  They matter too.
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  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited May 2014
    This is why I provided my exH with a template for his portion of the thank you notes. It was like a choose your own adventure for writing a proper thank you. Did they attend? write this. Did they give cash, china, wilton ware, or other? write this....
    Did they survive the wedding without breaking any limbs or passing out drunk? write this....

    DH actually wrote better thank you notes than I did...he's such a keepers! ;)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    ashleyeppinkshorts27
  • That's a hilarious note- if I knew your H well it might make me smile to see such a blunt message.  My DH and I wrote thank you notes together, sitting across from each other and would bounce ideas off of each other while writing.  

    Maybe a more collaborative process would work?  I wouldn't let my husband out of writing TY notes though- he's gotta learn some time, right?
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  • KPBM89KPBM89 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer First Anniversary
    Sounds like FI's younger brother!  He had to write thank yous for gifts from earning Eagle Scout (most of which were cash) and thank God I was there when he was writing them and he asked for help.  He said, "Can't I just say, 'Thank you for coming and thanks a lot for the cash.'?"  FI was about to tell him it was okay to do that, until I gave him a template to follow.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Yeah, I think you're going to have to rewrite them.  They're funny to read about but not to receive when you've given a gift.

    I think you're going to have to sit your husband down and go over with him how to write thank-you notes.  Notes as short as his come off as curt and ungracious even if he meant to express gratitude.
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited May 2014
    I think it depends who the note was written to. Was it to a conservative aunt, and her family? Yes, the note needs to be redone. 

    Was it to his frat brother.. eh, maybe leave it.

    My sister wrote in her graduation thank you note to me, "thanks for the moolah". (I had given her a check.)  I laughed, and that was it. 
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  • I like the idea of showing him a template.
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    He apparently wrote the same thing to everyone. He also wrote aunt and uncle no last name on all the envelopes. I talked with him, and found out two of them were more personalized, so I'm going to mail those and re do the others.

    No harm no foul. Funny story to tell my mom and future progeny though.
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    photokitty
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    banana468 said:
    I like the idea of showing him a template.
    Yes. He said next time, show him what to write. The boy is genius with problem solving, computers and video games. Social graces, not so much.
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Yikes, that is pretty bad. Not even a Dear so and so? He could have written that to anyone.
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  • vt&dtvt&dt member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    I wrote all of our TY's.

    Now I know why.

    Haha!
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