Moms and Maids

Relationship with my Mom falling apart!

My Mom's boyfriend  broke up with her recently.Iwas very  sad as i thought they would get married :(   Mom was never married to my Dad and after they seperated, she did dedicate all her time to us children. We always wanted her to settle down. She had promised herself that she wouldnt date till we both(sis and I) were teenagers and  eventually she had a serious boyfriend when my sister  and I were in our late teens It didnt work out as he couldnt really cope up with the fact that Mom's  time was divided between him and us.

Now, we have moved out of our mom's house and are happily married. But, My mom has been really unlucky with her love life. She has always wanted to get Married but has had a string of bad relationships. ( This must be her 4th boyfriend in the last 10 years). When My Mom gave me the news about her breakup, I offered to have a girls night out and give her company so she doesnt feel lonely. But, the whole time we were out, she was criticizing my DH and men in general, saying that we girls dont deserve men like them!I can see she is still hurt by her ex bf's actions and I feel sorry for her. But, every time we meet/visit each other I can see her have this extreme views about men/relationships.Obviously, i dont want her to date for sometime as she isnt ready. But, she is beginning to annoy me as she has created some issues for me. DH doesnt like my mom (he thinks she is self-centred). He doesnt like her coming to our house as he believes she spreads negative vibes.

With time, i dont get to see her often(My sister doesnt really have a relationship with our mother). She recently accused me of being self centred and rigid.She thinks that we girls were the reason she couldnt find a right man and is single! I was really angry and stopped talking to her. But, she apologised and I decided to forgive her. She was never there for me when she was in a relationship(her ex boyfriends were always important). Iam really tempted to ask her to stay out of my life as my DH and kids hate her and I am beginning to agree she might not be  a nice person at all!  I dont really see her getting married/engaged in the near future which means she wont stop interfering in our life!How do i go about this? Do you have an irresponsible parent or been in a similar situation?

 

Re: Relationship with my Mom falling apart!

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    It must be awful for you to be put in the middle between your husband and mother. You're not responsible for  your mother's relationship issues, meaning you didn't cause them and you can't fix them. It's time to let mom deal with her own demons. Is there any chance that you, your mom and your sister might go for some family counseling and hopefully that would transition into individual counseling for each of you. 

    I was going to say that it stinks for your husband to not welcome your mom into your home, but if she is bringing so much negativity that even her grandchildren can't stand her, then he has responsibility to protect his family, including himself. 
                       
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited June 2014
    Robby60 said:

    My Mom's boyfriend  broke up with her recently.Iwas very  sad as i thought they would get married :(   Mom was never married to my Dad and after they seperated, she did dedicate all her time to us children. We always wanted her to settle down. She had promised herself that she wouldnt date till we both(sis and I) were teenagers and  eventually she had a serious boyfriend when my sister  and I were in our late teens It didnt work out as he couldnt really cope up with the fact that Mom's  time was divided between him and us.

    Now, we have moved out of our mom's house and are happily married. But, My mom has been really unlucky with her love life. She has always wanted to get Married but has had a string of bad relationships. ( This must be her 4th boyfriend in the last 10 years). When My Mom gave me the news about her breakup, I offered to have a girls night out and give her company so she doesnt feel lonely. But, the whole time we were out, she was criticizing my DH and men in general, saying that we girls dont deserve men like them!I can see she is still hurt by her ex bf's actions and I feel sorry for her. But, every time we meet/visit each other I can see her have this extreme views about men/relationships.Obviously, i dont want her to date for sometime as she isnt ready. But, she is beginning to annoy me as she has created some issues for me. DH doesnt like my mom (he thinks she is self-centred). He doesnt like her coming to our house as he believes she spreads negative vibes.

    With time, i dont get to see her often(My sister doesnt really have a relationship with our mother). She recently accused me of being self centred and rigid.She thinks that we girls were the reason she couldnt find a right man and is single! I was really angry and stopped talking to her. But, she apologised and I decided to forgive her. She was never there for me when she was in a relationship(her ex boyfriends were always important). Iam really tempted to ask her to stay out of my life as my DH and kids hate her and I am beginning to agree she might not be  a nice person at all!  I dont really see her getting married/engaged in the near future which means she wont stop interfering in our life!How do i go about this? Do you have an irresponsible parent or been in a similar situation?

     

    The one thing I can agree on your mom with is that you and your sister were the reason she couldn't find a man. BUT it was her own choosing to focus more on you two than on herself and a potential relationship with someone. I think your mom is having lots of regrets on how she has lived her life. She is now taking that regret out on you, as one of the main reasons (in her mind) for her current life situation. If you can, I would go to counseling by yourself, to help you sort out the feelings you have towards your mom. It is a huge leak to make in shutting someone like a parent out of your life, and it shouldn't be done lightly. A good counselor could also give you good coping mechanisms on how to deal with your mom. You cannot change your mother's behaviors, but you can change how you react to them. If she doesn't get the reactions she wants, she may stop trying. I also think your H is right to protect his family from your mom.
  • You have raised a very good point there about us getting counselling as a family. I do agree with Mom that she didnt really get to date when we were younger. But, I dont really think she is a particularly easy girlfriend to have. She is a very attractive woman (she has always had attention from men). This meant that she likes to be in Charge as men have always tried to please her. Guess, her boyfriends have struggled keeping with her tantrums and parted ways. But, thanks for your advice, girl . It is very much appreciated
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