Wedding Woes

Should I Elope?

My fiancé and I will both be recent college graduates by the time our planned wedding date comes around, so we don't exactly have a lot of money to do the wedding on our own. My parents initially said that they would be paying for the wedding, but as time goes on my family dynamics get worse and worse. I don't particularly get along with my parents or my sister (who is my MOH) and I feel like they're holding the wedding money over my head. When I try to voice my opinions on how I want things to go for my wedding it's always "If this is how you're going to treat me/us then I don't know if I want to pay for a wedding". Right now, it's about the shower. My sister (the MOH) is hosting and we aren't getting along and she keeps throwing up the "Why should I be doing anything nice for you?" and it's really frustrating. My fiancé and I have talked and if it's going to be this way, do I really want to do a wedding or a shower? He said as long as I have my dress (which was purchased a few months ago) and a pastor, that's all he really needs. Why should we put ourselves through 7 more months of this misery for what is supposed to be the happiest day or our lives? Would it be better to just call it all off right now and say "screw it" and elope? I don't want to make an emotional decision, but this seems to be happening at least 3 or 4 times a week. We've already booked the venue and gathered a wedding party and the bridesmaids have already bought their dresses. I would feel bad for them purchasing the dress if we decide not to have the wedding, but should I just go through with it because they already put down the money for their dresses? And then what about my fiancé's parents? They haven't been like my family and I would feel bad for not having a wedding since they're really looking forward to their son's big day...

Re: Should I Elope?

  • vsgalvsgal member
    Eighth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    MeaganOrr said:
    My fiancé and I will both be recent college graduates by the time our planned wedding date comes around, so we don't exactly have a lot of money to do the wedding on our own. My parents initially said that they would be paying for the wedding, but as time goes on my family dynamics get worse and worse. I don't particularly get along with my parents or my sister (who is my MOH) and I feel like they're holding the wedding money over my head. When I try to voice my opinions on how I want things to go for my wedding it's always "If this is how you're going to treat me/us then I don't know if I want to pay for a wedding". Right now, it's about the shower. My sister (the MOH) is hosting and we aren't getting along and she keeps throwing up the "Why should I be doing anything nice for you?" and it's really frustrating. My fiancé and I have talked and if it's going to be this way, do I really want to do a wedding or a shower? He said as long as I have my dress (which was purchased a few months ago) and a pastor, that's all he really needs. Why should we put ourselves through 7 more months of this misery for what is supposed to be the happiest day or our lives? Would it be better to just call it all off right now and say "screw it" and elope? I don't want to make an emotional decision, but this seems to be happening at least 3 or 4 times a week. We've already booked the venue and gathered a wedding party and the bridesmaids have already bought their dresses. I would feel bad for them purchasing the dress if we decide not to have the wedding, but should I just go through with it because they already put down the money for their dresses? And then what about my fiancé's parents? They haven't been like my family and I would feel bad for not having a wedding since they're really looking forward to their son's big day...
    When someone offers you money for a wedding, there are usually strings attached. If you don't want to deal with the limitations and drama, then you can refuse the money and find a way to pay yourselves. Only the two of you can decide if the drama is worth the end game.

    I can tell you that sometimes peace of mind is worth losing money over.If you elope, you will be out your deposits and you will have to reimburse money to people that spent on your wedding.  $ back to your parents, his parents and to your wedding party for their outfits. But it sounds like you will be happier.

    Concerning the shower, cancel it.  You don't need to have one and it sounds like it is more trouble than what it is worth for you.
    ROCK IS KING!!
    AddieCake
  • Honestly, it sounds like your sanity and dignity is worth more than the money that they are giving you.

    There is a middle ground though. You can host a lovely wedding for very little money. All that is required for guests is a small amount of refreshment like cake and punch, but this type of wedding must be at a non-meal time like 2:00pm. You could have your immediate family and closest friends if you are afraid you might regret not having anyone present. 

    Cancel the bridal shower or have it, but only people invited to the actual wedding can be invited. As for bridesmaids dresses, you should reimburse them if they don't end up wearing them. They shouldn't go in the hole because you changed your plans. 

    Stick around. Sometimes advice can be a little hard to hear, but the women here can help you plan a beautiful much less stressful wedding. 
    AddieCake
  • chevelleEchevelleE member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    edited June 2014

    Tough situation.

    Maybe you can try to plan a destination wedding?  Nothing too crazy.  That way your fiancé's parents and wedding party can still be involved :)

    Or if you do decide to elope, you could always have a very small reception (like immediate family and your friends that would have been in your wedding party).  You could rent a room at one of your favorite restaurants, that way everyone can still be involved and it will be inexpensive. 

    You have options!  Best of luck! 

  • raissyraisraissyrais London member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I hate it so much when people (family or not) just hang Damocles's sword over your head like that. I do understand that it's worse when your close family does it, such as your parents or sister. It's such a an emotional blackmail to say "oh well I'm paying for it so do as I say!". They should never have offered if they were going to be so prissy and immature about it later on. It gives them a sense of power and they are torturing you. If I were you, I would have cancelled the whole thing a long time ago and gotten married just my husband and I. Cause really, what else do you need? I say screw it and save yourself the hassle!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • chevelleE said:

    Tough situation.

    Maybe you can try to plan a destination wedding?  Nothing too crazy.  That way your fiancé's parents and wedding party can still be involved :)

    Or if you do decide to elope, you could always have a very small reception (like immediate family and your friends that would have been in your wedding party).  You could rent a room at one of your favorite restaurants, that way everyone can still be involved and it will be inexpensive. 

    You have options!  Best of luck! 

    this could end up being just as expensive as having a local wedding, once you figure in travel costs for everyone involved. If the OP can't afford to host a small wedding at home, how could she afford to host a DW?

    You also need to factor in considerably increased costs for all of the people involved in the wedding. Now, instead of paying $100 for a BM dress or to rent a tux, these people may be expected to pay hundreds or thousands of dollars in travel/hotel costs, and likely take more time off work. 
    Heffalump
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