Wedding Woes

love built on a lie

Dear Prudie, My good friend has found her mate after several failed relationships and is desperate to be married and start her family (tick tock). I am thrilled that she is engaged, and she has asked me to be in the wedding. I would normally be pleased to do so, except for one issue. She has debt of approximately $250,000 in credit cards and student loans, and she has not told her fiancé about this. I feel strongly that she is morally and ethically required to tell him before they are married, but she refuses. I can’t help but feel like an accomplice to her dishonesty by standing up in the wedding. What is the right thing to do? —Silent Accomplice

Re: love built on a lie

  • She knows that people divorce over money all the time, right? (The bride, not the OP.) If not, maybe OP should tell her. 
  • This woman sounds desperate - she probably doesn't want to tell the groom because she figures she'll lose him.  Sad . . .

  • I wouldn't feel right telling the fiancé, but I'd definitely try and convince the bride to tell him.  Good lord, that's a lot of debt.  Even if they both make tons of money, he should know about it!

  • That is a huge problem.  She really has to tell him...that's a huge amount of debt.  He should know what he's getting himself into.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker

  • izza2izza2 member
    Third Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    People get divorced or separate over money issues all the time.
    My FI had a lot of debt and a lot of financial irresponsibility when we first got together. I also had never actually had to be responsible for my own finances and had to pay monthly bills, so it was a learning experience for both of us. I learned how to keep my bills paid and make sure I saved from one check to the next to get them paid. He learned that he didn't have to buy every shiny toy or tool or piece of equipment that called out to him, and that paying off his debt would help him in the future.

    I think if I found out right now that he had all of the debt he has (and it would be bigger than it is right now because he wouldn't have paid extra to get it down to where it is now), I would feel betrayed.

    "If he kept that kind of thing from me, what else has he kept from me?" Naturally people kind of go that route with their thoughts, you know?
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