Need some opinions here....

slothiegal

A couple nights ago, FI's younger cousin (let's call her Amy), Facebook messaged me.  Now, for a little background, I've never met Amy, but according to SlothieGuy, she's in her early 20's, very naive and sheltered.  She friended me on Facebook when I got engaged, and we've had small chats now and then.  I've gotten that she's a little....off, but again, that could just come from being socially awkward and what not.  (For example, she wanted to know what color the bridesmaids were wearing so she could "match".)  Yesterday, I got a message that read, "Hey Slothie, this might be a weird question, but how long after dating did you and SlothieGuy spend the night together?"

After I got over my initial reaction (see above), and talking it over with FI/BFF, I responded with a very vague, "Gee Amy, I don't know, why do you ask such a personal question?"

Of course, my suspicious were correct; she's met "an amazing guy" who she considers her boyfriend and he "wants [her] to spend the night".  I ended up writing her back and told her something along the lines that I'm happy that she has such a special person in her life, and if she's comfortable taking that step, that's very very special.  However, any guy who truly likes her is willing to wait, so if she feels any unease, don't feel bad to simply say, no, that's not for me right now.

FI isn't super happy with me, because he feels I should've just ignored or dodged the question.  It sounds like he's worried that if Amy hooks up with this guy and something not ideal (pregnancy, STD, broken heart, etc.) happens, it will come back to her mom and dad/his aunt and uncle that "Well, SlothieGal said it was OK!"

My position is, if she feels so alone thatt I'M the one she reaches out to (remember, she has never met me; FI says it's because I'm the only "woman" she knows/talks to besides her mother), I'd rather give her something to consider rather than just turning my back and her feeling like she HAS to do something because he wants.

Thoughts?  What would some of you done?

climbingsingle

I think you handled it perfectly. I would have done the same. I might have also included something about safe sex.

gmcr78

I think your answer was perfect, and judging from your FI's reaction, that's probably the reason why she only has you to go to for something like this.   

AddieCake

I probably would have done the same thing. She's in her 20s; it's not like she is a teenager in high school. Nobody can "blame" you if something goes awry.

KatieinBkln

I think this was good advice. Your FI is still thinking like she's a child (and that he/you are too, if he's worried you'll get in trouble for speaking your mind), but she's not. She's an adult, even if she's a young/immature one, so good on you for giving her adult advice.

Next you can tell her that it's okay to say "have sex" instead of "spend the night" but maybe that's just me...;)

pinkcow13

Yup, I would have done the same thing in your shoes.

It's kinda sad that maybe this girl doesn't even have a close gf she can talk to about these things. At least I'm assuming she doesn't.

jenna8984

I also vote for what you said to her. In no way does a problem come back to being your "fault" but even if they tried to construe that, you didn't tell her to do it. You told her to make her own decision with what she feels comfortable with. If someone were that desperate for a female to ask, I wouldn't exactly turn my back and ignore either.

slothiegal

KatieinBkln said:

I think this was good advice. Your FI is still thinking like she's a child (and that he/you are too, if he's worried you'll get in trouble for speaking your mind), but she's not. She's an adult, even if she's a young/immature one, so good on you for giving her adult advice.

Next you can tell her that it's okay to say "have sex" instead of "spend the night" but maybe that's just me...;)

SITB

Haha right??  My girlfriend was like, "wellll are you sure they're not just planning on having a pillow fight and eating cookies??"

Thanks all!   I was pretty sure I wasn't taking crazy pills (this time, at least).  I actually just had another talk with FI about it and pointed out how lonely she must be if she's asking (essentially) a stranger these questions.  I posed it to him thinking about if it was one of his younger sisters in the same situation; would he rather them be ignored or given some sort of advice?  I think he gets it now.

JCbride2015

I think you handled it perfectly.  She's an adult.

Maybe you should take her out and get to know her.  Sounds like she really needs a lady friend.

theartistformerlyknownas

Sounds like great advice to me. And at least she didn't refer to it as "giving him her flower."

pinkshorts27

pinkcow13 said:

Yup, I would have done the same thing in your shoes.

It's kinda sad that maybe this girl doesn't even have a close gf she can talk to about these things. At least I'm assuming she doesn't.

Eh, I never had gfs to talk through this stuff with. I always talked with FI about it. Granted, I always felt confident in my decisions. If I didn't feel confident, I didn't do it. I guess I just get grumpy when everyone goes "oh poor so-and-so doesn't have gfs." Not everyone has gfs and not everyone needs them. At some point, it is good to figure things out yourself.

But OP, I think you did good

slothiegal

Sigh, that was my first thought, @JCbride2015.  Unfortunately, we're not in the same area.  I am going to make a more conscious effort to reach out to her, though, just to check in now and then, and definitely spend some time with her when I finally meet her in person.

slothiegal

lolo883 said:

Sounds like great advice to me. And at least she didn't refer to it as "giving him her flower."

Omg I think I love you.  That phrase always gets me to fucking lose it.

sophhabobopha

It kind of makes sad she didn't have anyone closer to ask ):

But I like your responce a lot.

slothiegal

sophhabobopha said:

It kind of makes sad she didn't have anyone closer to ask ):

But I like your responce a lot.

Me too  

I'm afraid she thinks she's reaching out to this:

When it's really more of  this:

sophhabobopha

slothiegal said:

sophhabobopha said:

It kind of makes sad she didn't have anyone closer to ask ):

But I like your responce a lot.

Me too  

I'm afraid she thinks she's reaching out to this:

When it's really more of  this:

I feel you sister.

I feel like this:

But I'm probably more like this:

doeydo

I think you handled the situation well.  She just probably doesn't have many close friends or girl friends that she can talk to about stuff like that.  I think your FI needs to chill out.  Sheesh, what does he want you to say to her?  "No, keep your legs closed until you are dead in the ground"?