Wedding Etiquette Forum

Not sure if I should gift?

bride2b71614bride2b71614 member
5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper
edited July 2014 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Background info: I am attending a wedding this upcoming week. The couple got married a few months back (they were very clear in their invitations, as her last name was changed and the term SIL (son in law) was used instead of FSIL). 

Actual Etiquette Question: I understand that as a guest I am not obligated to bring a gift. The couple is going the full nine yards, they have bridesmaids, a ceremony and a reception, and they are not registered anywhere. I am debating if I should even write a check because they are already married. Would it be rude if I didn't get them anything? If you were in my situation, would you write the check? Give them a gift card? Just show up?

Re: Not sure if I should gift?

  • I don't like to show up empty handed so I would at least get them a nice card. If you don't want to do more than that you don't need to though.

  • I would bring a card and maybe a small gift card or something.
    To me, the ceremony is the important part. If I wasn't invited to that, it changes things.
  • Yes, I would get them some kind of gift, even if it is a restaurant gift card.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
  • Thank you! I knew that I should bring something I wasn't exactly sure as to what. I think I am probably going to go with a card/gift card combo.
  • I would bring a token gift, like a Christmas ornament since it'll still be their first married Christmas. 
    Peledreamsofrain[Deleted User]Megalega14
  • And this is just ME speaking, I'd still bring a gift. IF they didn't lie, and they are still hosting me with amazing stuff as a nice reception, and I still care about them as a friend, I still want to congratulate them and give a gift.

  • NymeruNymeru member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    I would absolutely bring a gift.  It just doesn't feel right for me to not bring something to a wedding, even if the couple were already married.
  •      While I realize PPD's are rude, they don't personally offend me. Especially if the couple is upfront about already being married, and are otherwise hosting properly. Any excuse to eat cake! So I would probably gift just as I would if it were their actual wedding. If I were too offended to send a gift I'd probably be too offended to go in the first place. 

         This is just my opinion though. Everyone has their own level of etiquette tolerance. 
  • I agree with the 3 directly above me - even though they are already married, there is no "lying" happening, and I would still be attending to celebrate the marriage of two close friends. Me not giving a gift because "it already happened and I wasn't at the ceremony" would make me look rude, IMO. 

    If I still would like these people to be in my life and we are close, I would absolutely bring a gift.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

    image 293 (Adults) Invited
    image198 Yes (+ 12 children and 3 babies)
    image95 No
    image0 Unknown

  • Even though I think that this is a bit of a strange situation, I agree with all PPs who said I should bring some form of gift, and that its not necessary for me to write a check. Thank you all for the good advice! For clarity: I usually feel guilty when I show up to weddings/birthdays/some party that celebrates something empty handed. On Sunday we stopped the card shop to get a cute card designed by a local artist (and wrote what I believed to be a heartfelt note cosigned by my FI) and my FI and I bought them a BBB gift card. I hope they won't think we were rude for doing so.
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