Bummed about my bridal shower

rachaelam1990

I’m feeling horrible. One of my bridesmaids planned and put on my bridal shower last weekend (my MOH lives across the country, so she couldn’t plan it). She held it at another friend’s house, who did an AMAZING job decorating and baking tons of sweets. I was bummed the whole day though, because I lost my mom almost 5 years ago, and it really hit me when I got there. My stepmom and stepsister were there (I’m not crazy about them), and comments kept being made about her being the “mother of the bride”. It really upset me.

And, it didn’t help when the bridesmaid who planned the shower got so drunk the night before she didn’t come to the shower. I understand she wasn’t feeling well, but it hurt my feelings that she decided to drink that much knowing the shower was the next day.

 

Now I’m feeling bad that people came and I seemed down. Am I ridiculous for feeling sad about it?

The whole wedding is briniging up the mom thing, and it’s really hard to not feel just sad that she’s not there. 

ShallowSeas

I don't think its ridiculous to feel sad about not having your mom around for this time in your life. I couldn't imagine what that must feel like and I'm really sorry that you have to experience it.

While its completely understandable to be bummed about not having your mom here to be there with you, focus on the positive things. Someone cared enough to even throw you a bridal shower. Not every bride gets one and no one is entitled to it. Even though you're not crazy about your Step mom or step sister, they were still there to support you.

As for your BM who got too drunk and didn't attend; I would probably be a little irritated about that too, but its done and over with. As long as she doesn't pull that the day of your wedding you're good.

theartistformerlyknownas

That is a bummer. If you're worried about how you came off to the guests, I would maybe just try to sound extra enthusiastic in your thank you cards and make sure you tell them how much it meant to you to have them there. Depending on how close you are with them, you may even mention it being a bittersweet day for you. I'm sure people understand.

Try not to let your stepmom get to you. She can say what she wants; it doesn't make it true. 

thisismynickname2

I agree with Lolo. I'm sorry this is a hard time for you.  

hikebikebemerry

kimches said:

I would have a sit-down with your stepmom and tell her that you are having a really hard time doing all this wedding stuff without your mom, and while she (stepmom) has a special place in your life and you appreciate her support, it upsets you when she refers to herself as the MOB because it's another reminder that your mom isn't there for this special time in your life.

Was she calling herself MOB? Or were other people calling her MOB?  I think there is a big difference.  I got the understanding that other people were calling her MOB, and she likely didn't want to put salt in a wound by making a point to say that she isn't BioMom.

Either way, it is completely understandable that it upsetting for her to be referred to as MOB (whether if it is a title she gave herself or a title given to her by others).  Heck, I don't even like it when people refer to my Dad's wife as my Step-Mom and my parents are just divorced.

Weddings are an emotional time, for a lot of people the surface emotions that we've been trying to repress or highlighting emotions that we are already feeling.  It's ok to be sad, and I'm sure the entire situation was made more difficult by the frustration of your friend over-doing it.

Edited to add more stuff.