Parents need to get over themselves

afox007

Hope everyone is having a better 4th than I am. We headed down to my parents to hang out and BBQ with the family. Like always we had a few extras, one sisters new bf, one sisters BFF, and one of the youngest had a friend(let's call her amber) from school.

Everything was going great and we were planning to go see the fireworks later until Amber's parents showed up. I already thought it was silly that they came so they could accompany us to the fireworks, not to hang out but because they didn't want their 10 year old out alone. Apparently they missed the part about where their would be 4 adults there.

Within 5 minutes Amber's mom had me and FI packing up to leave. The first thing she said after meeting me was questioning if I had been smoking (I had been along with my parents) and then lecturing me about how she doesn't want that kind of influence around her child. FI pointed out I had not been smoking in front of the kids, but it was the fact that I'm a smoker not where I smoked that was her issue.

She then got upset because I was the last one to come inside and therefore I was the one who left the kids unsupervised in the pool. All of them were in the hotub, and ranged from 10-17. I just rolled my eyes while me and my mom headed back out to "supervise" and she freaked out that my mom had a tattoo...turns out it was the lace on the back of her dress and calmed down for a few seconds before noticing I actually do have a tattoo and went into another lecture about not wanting that type of thing around her daughter and did I think of how it will look in 10 years. It's on my back and I will be 34 pretty sure it won't stretch or wrinkle much.

I know this is long but I just needed to vent. I get that there are overprotective parents, but don't come into my family's home and judge me. You are more than welcome to take your child home.

chibiyui

UGH. Yeah lady, thats a real good way to make your daughter a well-balanced individual. NOT.

So. are we predicting the daughter will be a stoner goth, knocked up by the end of high school, or has no backbone and can't function in the real world? 

And I feel bad for it. That can't be easy growing up with a Mom like that.

bride2b71614

Ditto with PP. Poor Amber. She has to live with that woman 24/7. There isn't anything you can do about the situation, but you definitely can be thankful that you aren't Amber's sister.

banana468

Let me get this straight. The mother of your sister's friend insulted the woman of the house and her daughter in the name of quality parenting?

If I was your mom I'd be having a one sided chat with Amber ' s mom on my front porch about what is and isn't welcome in my home - graciously of course.

mysticl

Did Amber's parents meet your parents prior to this get together? Because I can see being uncomfortable having your kid go out with people you don't know or being left in a pool/hot tub with a 17-year-old who to your knowledge may or may not be the most irresponsible teenager on the planer. But that is why you don't let your kid go somewhere with people you don't know in the first place. You assess the situation first before letting them go to their friend's house. 

afox007

@banana468‌ yup, that pretty much sums it up. The smoking lecture was directed at me since she didn't realize I had smoked with my parents, but was pretty much insulting them too.

Sadly my mom didn't say anything because she needs everyone in town to like her so she would rather just act like she wasn't there. I'm just glad I don't go over there often enough to see this woman again.

afox007

@mysticl‌ they have met my parents and hung out with them regularly. The girls have been friends for most of last school year and they regularly switch off who hosts the sleepovers. They have also met my 17 year old sister who was in the hottub, who is the most responsible teen I have ever met. Although I would have loved to see this woman's face if she saw that earlier my mom allowed the 17 year old to have a sip of my beer.

mysticl

afox007 said:

@mysticl‌ they have met my parents and hung out with them regularly. The girls have been friends for most of last school year and they regularly switch off who hosts the sleepovers. They have also met my 17 year old sister who was in the hottub, who is the most responsible teen I have ever met. Although I would have loved to see this woman's face if she saw that earlier my mom allowed the 17 year old to have a sip of my beer.

Ok, then I've got nothing.  

CMGragain

Helicopter parents - the new rage.  Sigh.  Teaching her daughter rudeness too.  What a role model!

afox007

I'm tired of the helicopter parent trend, I get this kid of bills hit from FSS's friends moms all the time. Makes me not want to have my own kids because I can just imagine how much worse this epidemic will be by then.

mrsmagicgeek

A girl at my daughter's 10th birthday party told the other girls her mother wouldn't let her sleep over because she wanted her daughter to be a virgin when she got home.

So, I got to explain to a bunch of other parents the next morning that they might get some interesting questions from their daughters, since when they asked me what that meant I told them to ask their parents. That was fun.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

Ugh, these people sound like an absolute delight.

Is it so hard to teach your child to respect the choices of others, while trusting that she will make her own life choices and be aware of the factors involving those choices?  My FMIL hates tattoos and didnt want my FBIL to see the one I have on my back.  Well I guess he saw it and was asking about it, and it forced her to have a conversation about it with him. He's almost 16 now (he saw it when he was 9) and told me tattoos arent something he'd want on himself, but mine was pretty cool.  Respect, bam.  FMIL could have went the other way and mocked my choice, but she decided that wasn't appropriate

Amber will make her own choices and these parents are doing anything and everything to prevent that from happening.  It's controlling, judgemental, and quite honestly, hindering their childs social development.

buttercup1958

Wow that's so stupid. I would definitely try to aviod that woman for awhile. I feel like there should be a test you have to pass before becoming a parent. V and I went to the fair. We heard at least 30 names called over the speakers of parents to come to the lost child pin to pick up their kids. Then we saw another woman just drag her baby while she was on her phone.

mrscaty

foundmymagicgeek said:

A girl at my daughter's 10th birthday party told the other girls her mother wouldn't let her sleep over because she wanted her daughter to be a virgin when she got home. So, I got to explain to a bunch of other parents the next morning that they might get some interesting questions from their daughters, since when they asked me what that meant I told them to ask their parents. That was fun.

Can we go back to this for a minute? Did the mom think someone in your house was going to rape the girl? Does she think 10 year olds have crazy sex parties complete with strap ons? What's the thought process here?!?!?!

LDay2014

afox007 said:

I'm tired of the helicopter parent trend, I get this kid of bills hit from FSS's friends moms all the time. Makes me not want to have my own kids because I can just imagine how much worse this epidemic will be by then.

It's no longer 'helicopter parents' it's 'bulldozer parents' - the ones who push every obstacle out of their children's way so they never have to put effort into anything.

I hate seeing parents of adult children in their early 20s paying all their bills, making their appointments, driving them around etc like they're 8.  It's absurd.  How can you expect your kids to be functioning members of society when you do everything for them?  They never learn consequences because of it and have no accountability.

buttercup1958

kimches said:

buttercup1958 said:

Wow that's so stupid. I would definitely try to aviod that woman for awhile. I feel like there should be a test you have to pass before becoming a parent. V and I went to the fair. We heard at least 30 names called over the speakers of parents to come to the lost child pin to pick up their kids. Then we saw another woman just drag her baby while she was on her phone.

I can't stand when parents put their phone above their child. The worst is when kids run around parking lots or anywhere with cars and mom is busy looking down at her phone instead of watching her kid, who could easily be hit by a car. Your text/snapchat/game of angry birds will suddenly not be that important if your child is hurt.

Oh yeah V and I were very angry. V actually helped the kid up since he was on the ground. Its like you are at a fair on the 4th of july! Watch your kid before someone steps on him!

mrsmagicgeek

ladygoldfish said:

foundmymagicgeek said:

A girl at my daughter's 10th birthday party told the other girls her mother wouldn't let her sleep over because she wanted her daughter to be a virgin when she got home.

Yeah isn't that fun?

So, I got to explain to a bunch of other parents the next morning that they might get some interesting questions from their daughters, since when they asked me what that meant I told them to ask their parents. That was fun.

Can we go back to this for a minute? Did the mom think someone in your house was going to rape the girl? Does she think 10 year olds have crazy sex parties complete with strap ons? What's the thought process here?!?!?!
----------
Apparently since FI and I were not married, at the time there was a chance he would run around naked and randomly sleep with children. You know, as men do *eye roll*

Fortunately, as soon as I told the other parents who it was they were all like "ah. Say no more."

Edit because TK formatting hates me

jenajjthr

afox007 said:

I'm tired of the helicopter parent trend, I get this kid of bills hit from FSS's friends moms all the time. Makes me not want to have my own kids because I can just imagine how much worse this epidemic will be by then.

I teach in not an urban school, but a very low income suburban school. We have the opposite of the helicopter parent. We want you to be the parent/teacher trend. It's sad that they don't know how to parent or given up on parenting all together. It means I deal with students who don't care about school and won't do even the bare minimum to pass. Sometimes I think dealing with helicopter parents would be better because then you have parents who at least care about their kids. 

pinkshorts27

foundmymagicgeek said:

ladygoldfish said:

foundmymagicgeek said:

A girl at my daughter's 10th birthday party told the other girls her mother wouldn't let her sleep over because she wanted her daughter to be a virgin when she got home.

Yeah isn't that fun?

So, I got to explain to a bunch of other parents the next morning that they might get some interesting questions from their daughters, since when they asked me what that meant I told them to ask their parents. That was fun.

Can we go back to this for a minute? Did the mom think someone in your house was going to rape the girl? Does she think 10 year olds have crazy sex parties complete with strap ons? What's the thought process here?!?!?!

----------
Apparently since FI and I were not married, at the time there was a chance he would run around naked and randomly sleep with children. You know, as men do *eye roll*

Fortunately, as soon as I told the other parents who it was they were all like "ah. Say no more."

Edit because TK formatting hates me


What the actual fuck? That is crazy!

debbeau

I am with Kimches and Jenna but teach kindergarten. Some kids come in one day a week and when you call home parents can be abusive. I love my kids and it breaks your heart when every day one of them asks to come home with you.

AddieCake

JFC This is nuts!

afox007

Thank you to all the teachers who put this into perspective for me. Reading about your students broke my heart and definitely made yesterday a small petty problem.

afox007

@kimches‌ I really hope that Amber turns out better than her mom did. She really was a sweetheart so hopefully she stays that way. I think of anything she may end up rebelling. My mom finally listened to the CD of FI's band and Amber was stoked on it, though she mentioned it wasn't the type of music she was used to (punk band). She also witnessed most of her moms conversation with me and gave me a huge hug and that she hopes she gets to see me again.

jenajjthr

I had a very judgmental girl in one of my classes. Surprising coming from her since she was muslim and complained about people judging her. But I politely kept the conversations steered where I let her know what she was saying wasn't right, where she may be a coming off as too judgmental, letting her know it was okay to stand up for her religious beliefs (the only one she followed actually was the no pork, but that was her choice), and so on. Even though I called her on her crap, she kept coming back to my room and talking to me. I hoped I made an impression on her. As teachers, sometimes that is all we can hope for.