Wedding 911

One big giant family mess....please help! (sorry it is kind of a long post)

hales2010hales2010 member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
edited July 2014 in Wedding 911

So I have encountered some family drama on this last vacation I went on and really do not know how to handle it. Let me just go ahead and explain this(sorry this is kind of long)... 

I went on a vacation to Mexico (all inclusive resort) with my FI and his family. When I say family I am talking his parents, brother, sister, nana, papaw, aunt, uncle, cousin, and cousin's boyfriend. We were sleeping 4 to each room to save money so My FI and I got roomed up with his brother(19) and sister(16). We had no problem with this after talking about it. We decided to give one of the keys to my FI and one to his brother so that none of the girls would have to walk up to the rooms by themselves (yes it was a gated resort but still wanted to be safe).

So the week started off great other than his mom. She made some rude remarks to me but I was told to just ignore them. Apparently she is that way with everyone which I quickly learned as well. So I just brushed it off and ignored it. She apparently did not like any one in the family drinking however she never told us this the entire time down there. Even when booking she looked for a place that had all inclusive alcohol and a pool bar. Not that much drama happened the first couple of days down there. She did try to use her daughter as a messager to deliver some of these nasty comments which I thought was awful but her daughter did do it. My FI and I spent the majority of our time with the family. Anytime we were at the pool or on the beach we were with the family. We did have moments that we wanted to be alone. This is why we opted out of going on the shopping trip that most of the family went on. Plus we really just wanted to relax around the resort. Everything else other than that was going amazing that week...and then the last night came.

The last night we were there I was not feeling well at all. Something I ate for dinner upset my stomach so I was sick the entire rest of the night. My FI and I ended up going back up to the room early that night and passing out. Apparently my FBIL and FSIL had forgotten their room key which is where this started. His family apprently came and knocked on the door but since by the time they came up ( we came up around 9 and they came up around midnight) we were both out to the world. So I woke up to him and his dad yelling. They were trying to say that it was our fault that they left their key. Thankfully we actually were in the room and not down by the pool bar with the other guests. His sister then was being hateful with me because I had to get up to throw up again while they were packing stuff up in the bathroom.

We flash forward to the next morning when we were leaving. We quickly realized we were being ignored by his mom, dad, and sister. I even tried asking what we did and I got eyes rolled at me and ignored. To make this even worse we took my FI grandparents home on the way back (separate from his parents, brother, and sister). We fell behind them because we all stopped to eat and ended up getting home about an hour after they did. I came to find out that they literally had left mine and my FI open in their drive way for the whole world to see. Thankfully nothing was stolen out of mine nor his. His family is not talking to either of us (minus his brother because he is). They are being just immature and hateful. I have asked mulitple times what we did and they will literally just ignore us. I asked his other family members if they have heard why and they are just as confused as the rest of us. I literally feel like I am dealing with children in this case. I have never seen a 45 year old woman act like this and I use to praise his sister on acting so much older than her age until now. His dad just follows his mom as always.


We flash forward to my current problem. My MOH is trying to plan a bridesmaids day since one of my bridesmaids will be leaving in Sept for an internship. Of course she heard about all of this and does not know what to do about my FSIL. She is one of the bridesmaids but does not want to invite her if she is going to be rude/nasty to me or ignore me. She does not want to start any more drama either. I also do not know how to handle this with his family. Other family members are telling us to let it blow over but I sadly do not see that happenning. They will not even talk to him and he still lives with them (yes we both still live with our parents to save money for now). How do you talk to someone or apologize for something that you do not know what is? I have tried apologizing but of course they continue to ignore it and do not say anything back. I guess it is just irritating me.

Re: One big giant family mess....please help! (sorry it is kind of a long post)

  • They are being ridiculous. invite the bridesmaid to the thing. It sounds like she probably won't come. Beyond that, just don't worry about it.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
  • You cannot fix your FI's broken family.  Don't try.  Invite FSIL.  Pretend ignorance about the whole family drama.
  • Rise above it and invite the FSIL to the event.  Like the others said, she will probably back out anyway, and if she doesn't, her bad behavior reflects on her, not you and your MOH.  
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

  • Not inviting FSIL will likely cause drama. Invite her. Be the bigger person. 

    I'm sorry you're dealing with all this crazy drama. 
  • I"m sorry his family is crazy.  But yeah, I would invite FSIL to the thing because she probably won't come. And if she does come it sounds like your other bridesmaids aren't the type to put up with her crap and they'd probably tell her off anyway.
  • hales2010hales2010 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited July 2014
    Yeah I have pretty much backed out of their way with this. It is literally the most ridiculous thing I have dealt with and I am happy I am not the only one seeing it that way. They (his mom and sister) are now trying to get other family members to stop talking to us but thankfully they are being grown ups about this and disregarding. It just really hurts that they are doing this especially not knowing what we did and the fact I was close to his sister. I told my MOH to invite her to it just to be nice. She says she will but that if she starts being rude or nasty to me or to anyone else that she will go off on her. My FSIL is 16 but she normally acts a lot more mature for her age which is why I think I am mostly shocked by all of this.
  • I'm glad you're inviting your FSIL to the BM function.  Not inviting her would have caused worse problems.  If she comes, maybe she'll actually talk to you once she's relaxed and away from her mom.

    Sorry you and your FI are dealing with this.  It sucks but stop trying to apologize to fix the crazy, it won't work.
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
  • I have nothing to add here except that I hope things improve with you & your future in-laws!
  • Wow! I'm sorry you have to deal with that, I'd have freaked out on someone by now.

    If I were in that situation, I'd invite the FSIL and just be nice and civil. If she acts a fool, ask her to leave. Simple as that. There's the door girlfriend, don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out!
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