So I think I'm attending my first wedding with a gap...

artbyallie

This Saturday there's a wedding at my church. We were invited (with registry info in the invitation, lovely) and RSVP'd mostly out of politeness because I'm not terribly close to this couple, but my whole family is attending. Also, my newlywed cousin is a bridesmaid and she's currently staying with her mom due to marital issues and started anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medication and I want to be there so I can offer to get her out of there if necessary.

So, wedding is at 4:30 and evidently my aunt, who is coordinator, had to tell the bride that this is when she hits the aisle because she didn't know. Okay, no big deal, although she really should have figured it out when she was MOH in my cousin's wedding. But dinner is next door in our church's gym/fellowship hall and it's... at 6. This is not a Catholic Church. Most weddings in it last between 10-20 minutes, 30 on the outside. Which will leave an hour of... what, exactly? I tried asking my mom to see if maybe they're planning a (dry, natch) cocktail hour or something, but she doesn't think so. So are we expected to just leave and come back? Stand around the parking lot? Ugh. Knowing this girl's mother there is no excuse for such rudeness.

Plus I don't even know what to wear because supposedly it's fairly casual but I've never not worn a dress to a wedding. I've already bought a card and we're going to look (off-registry!) tonight for a gift. I'm just dreading it because I hate not knowing what's going to happen and I'm going to be very pissed if we're not hosted at all for that hour. I may try and convince one of my grandmothers who lives just a minute away to let us all go to her house and drink wine or something.

kns1988

While the hour long gap sucks, what I really take away from this post is that you should have declined the invitation. It sounds like you don't particularly like the bride. Why take up a seat at a wedding when you don't consider yourself close to the bride and you're dreading it? Being concerned for your cousin isn't a good reason to attend a wedding that you're so utterly unenthused about.

SewInLoveWithDMB

I agree that this is a gap and that gaps are not cool. But, in the grand scheme of gaps, it's really not much.

If the start time was a bit - undetermined (of course it should start exactly at 4:30!) - but it might begin at 4:40 or 4:45 pm. Not good planning, but not completely awful.

Our church ceremony itself took maybe 45 minutes - no communion or anything, but it included processional, a welcome, 2 readings, a message from the pastor about love/us, vows, ring exchange, a song, and recessional. Everyone exited the pews and we had a long receiving line at the front door of the church.  We then exited the church with stuff tossed at us. It ended up taking a hour - hour and a half to do all of this and of course, people were left standing around talking to one another for some time while all this happened. (We then went right to the reception hall and cocktail hour started immediately.)

But, in this case - if the ceremony takes 45 minutes, that's 4:30 - 5:15 pm.  If the ceremony starts a few minutes late, it could bring you to 5:30.  Even if the reception officially starts at 6 pm, I don't think they truly believed everyone would go home in between and come back. They will probably let you in and then start serving/cocktailing/whatever at 6 pm.

In my eyes, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. I think they were trying their best with timing to not rush anything, and not making people wait. But, obviously I don't know these people - but I might have put the exact same times thinking that was how long it would take, without having to rush everything.

This weekend, I am attending a wedding that is 30 minutes from my house at 4 pm, in a Catholic church. Maybe the ceremony will end at 5 - latest 5:30 if they do a receiving line.

The reception starts at 7 pm, and is a 5 minute drive from the church. THAT is a gap. What do I do from 5/5:30 to 7? I could drive home, turn around, and drive back. Church at 4, reception at 7 when the places are 5 minutes apart, to me, is a gap. 

It is obviously best to try one's best to host things absolutely perfectly, but from your description, I don't think they were trying to be rude.

I would wear a dress, but not a formal cocktail dress - a summery, cotton floral print type dress should work, or a nice skirt with a top.

KatieinBkln

Eh, all things considered this doesn't seem so horrible. SewInLove's timeline is probably what's going to go down, and who knows, they might surprise you with a "mocktail" hour. As for what to wear? Wear a dress. Don't wear a ballgown, but if you like to wear dresses to weddings, absolutely no one is going to say, "Look at that snotty princess, wearing a DRESS to a WEDDING." (I mean, they might, but they'd be patently ridiculous to everyone around them). Do you and be polite--that never fails anyone, truly. Good luck!

mimivac

Well don't go determined that this will be horrible. It might be just fine. If you are close enough to the bride to attend, try to be be happy for her and expect to have a good time. And you can always wear a dress even to a "casual wedding." A cute summer dress sounds just fine.

beethery

If you like to wear dresses to weddings but this one's kind of casual, get a casual maxi dress. Done deal.

JaxInBlue

Agree with PPs.  I'm not sure this will wind up being a real gap.  4:30 ceremony might actually be 4:40 or 4:45 by the time everyone's in position.  Add a 30 minute ceremony, maybe a receiving line, and it's possible that there won't wind up being an actual gap.  I'd be optimistic this won't be that bad.

jenajjthr

I would go prepared, be that with a book, a hand held gaming system, a tablet, something. I know you are there for your cousin, so a board game is good too, you two can play checkers!. Keep it in your car until you are sure you need it. 

I say this out of jest, but also out of seriousness. My niece had her wedding and reception in the same place. Start time stated 4:45 on a Friday. But in reality it wasn't going to be until 5 because us grownups didn't know how to be on time and they wanted to give us an extra 15 minutes. Then the bride, my niece, didn't walk down the aisle until 5:15. Then they had to take pictures. So the guests had to sit at the tables and wait. No food or drink, wait, I take that back, there was a water fountain by the restrooms, during this unhosted gap. The cupcakes were presented on the cake table, I almost raided them.  By the time the caterer started placing the food and drink out, nobody, and I mean nobody, waited for the B&G to eat first. Was that the right thing to do? No, but by that time nobody cared either.

MairePoppy

Gap + dry reception = going to a bar in between for a drink. Or byob to grandmas.

STARMOON44

Wear a dress that would ordinarily be suitable for attending a service at your church. And why are you making a point if going off registry? If you're trying to teach her a lesson she's not going to learn it.

LDay2014

SewInLoveWithDMB said:

I agree that this is a gap and that gaps are not cool. But, in the grand scheme of gaps, it's really not much.

If the start time was a bit - undetermined (of course it should start exactly at 4:30!) - but it might begin at 4:40 or 4:45 pm. Not good planning, but not completely awful.

Our church ceremony itself took maybe 45 minutes - no communion or anything, but it included processional, a welcome, 2 readings, a message from the pastor about love/us, vows, ring exchange, a song, and recessional. Everyone exited the pews and we had a long receiving line at the front door of the church.  We then exited the church with stuff tossed at us. It ended up taking a hour - hour and a half to do all of this and of course, people were left standing around talking to one another for some time while all this happened. (We then went right to the reception hall and cocktail hour started immediately.)

But, in this case - if the ceremony takes 45 minutes, that's 4:30 - 5:15 pm.  If the ceremony starts a few minutes late, it could bring you to 5:30.  Even if the reception officially starts at 6 pm, I don't think they truly believed everyone would go home in between and come back. They will probably let you in and then start serving/cocktailing/whatever at 6 pm.

In my eyes, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. I think they were trying their best with timing to not rush anything, and not making people wait. But, obviously I don't know these people - but I might have put the exact same times thinking that was how long it would take, without having to rush everything.

This weekend, I am attending a wedding that is 30 minutes from my house at 4 pm, in a Catholic church. Maybe the ceremony will end at 5 - latest 5:30 if they do a receiving line.

The reception starts at 7 pm, and is a 5 minute drive from the church. THAT is a gap. What do I do from 5/5:30 to 7? I could drive home, turn around, and drive back. Church at 4, reception at 7 when the places are 5 minutes apart, to me, is a gap. 

It is obviously best to try one's best to host things absolutely perfectly, but from your description, I don't think they were trying to be rude.

I would wear a dress, but not a formal cocktail dress - a summery, cotton floral print type dress should work, or a nice skirt with a top.

*SIB*

I'd go home and eat because I get you dollars to donuts they've made that gap so they don't have to feed you a meal.  At the reception, you'll get appetizers and desserts but not a meal.

SewInLoveWithDMB

LDay2014 said:

SewInLoveWithDMB said:

I agree that this is a gap and that gaps are not cool. But, in the grand scheme of gaps, it's really not much.

If the start time was a bit - undetermined (of course it should start exactly at 4:30!) - but it might begin at 4:40 or 4:45 pm. Not good planning, but not completely awful.

Our church ceremony itself took maybe 45 minutes - no communion or anything, but it included processional, a welcome, 2 readings, a message from the pastor about love/us, vows, ring exchange, a song, and recessional. Everyone exited the pews and we had a long receiving line at the front door of the church.  We then exited the church with stuff tossed at us. It ended up taking a hour - hour and a half to do all of this and of course, people were left standing around talking to one another for some time while all this happened. (We then went right to the reception hall and cocktail hour started immediately.)

But, in this case - if the ceremony takes 45 minutes, that's 4:30 - 5:15 pm.  If the ceremony starts a few minutes late, it could bring you to 5:30.  Even if the reception officially starts at 6 pm, I don't think they truly believed everyone would go home in between and come back. They will probably let you in and then start serving/cocktailing/whatever at 6 pm.

In my eyes, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. I think they were trying their best with timing to not rush anything, and not making people wait. But, obviously I don't know these people - but I might have put the exact same times thinking that was how long it would take, without having to rush everything.

This weekend, I am attending a wedding that is 30 minutes from my house at 4 pm, in a Catholic church. Maybe the ceremony will end at 5 - latest 5:30 if they do a receiving line.

The reception starts at 7 pm, and is a 5 minute drive from the church. THAT is a gap. What do I do from 5/5:30 to 7? I could drive home, turn around, and drive back. Church at 4, reception at 7 when the places are 5 minutes apart, to me, is a gap. 

It is obviously best to try one's best to host things absolutely perfectly, but from your description, I don't think they were trying to be rude.

I would wear a dress, but not a formal cocktail dress - a summery, cotton floral print type dress should work, or a nice skirt with a top.

*SIB*

I'd go home and eat because I get you dollars to donuts they've made that gap so they don't have to feed you a meal.  At the reception, you'll get appetizers and desserts but not a meal.

I would normally agree with you in terms of all logic, but this is a NJ wedding! (And I'm saying that in my best "I'm from NJ snarky-but-not-trying-to-offend-you tone.")

It's a place I know well, and all receptions there are 5 hours, open bar the entire time. First hour is a cocktail hour. Remaining 4 hours are the seated dinner portion of the night with dancing.

*Almost* all wedding mills in our area will only host weddings from 12 - 5 pm, or 7 - 12 am (so they can fit two weddings in per day, per ballroom.) I know this is one of them. That is the reason for the gap, but it's still doesn't make it fun for me!  

artbyallie

beethery said:

If you like to wear dresses to weddings but this one's kind of casual, get a casual maxi dress. Done deal.

I like this plan. I have a couple relatively new ones I really like. Or a short one in soft cotton jersey.

artbyallie

STARMOON44 said:

Wear a dress that would ordinarily be suitable for attending a service at your church. And why are you making a point if going off registry? If you're trying to teach her a lesson she's not going to learn it.

It's not to teach a lesson. We frequently buy off-registry unless we just don't know the couple all that well or they have something on the registry we are inclined to buy anyway. We typically give board games, mainly because it's not something people think to get for themselves or to ask for. I wanted to get them a beach blanket for their honeymoon but Target didn't have any and we settled on a game, which will have the receipt attached in case they prefer to return it.

margaritaaa

artbyallie said:

STARMOON44 said:

Wear a dress that would ordinarily be suitable for attending a service at your church. And why are you making a point if going off registry? If you're trying to teach her a lesson she's not going to learn it.

It's not to teach a lesson. We frequently buy off-registry unless we just don't know the couple all that well or they have something on the registry we are inclined to buy anyway. We typically give board games, mainly because it's not something people think to get for themselves or to ask for. I wanted to get them a beach blanket for their honeymoon but Target didn't have any and we settled on a game, which will have the receipt attached in case they prefer to return it.

I just don't get this. Why do people buy items off-registry when they can buy something that the couple specifically chose for the same amount of money or less? You even said in your initial post that you're not close to the couple and don't know them well, so why would you buy them a board game when you could simply look at their registry and see what they actually need/want.

I love board games, but if I didn't, and I received some random game that I didn't even register for, as a wedding gift, I'd be like "wat?" and toss it aside after sending the obligatory thank you note.

You just seem like you're trying too hard to make a point.

[Deleted User]

I'm considering going off-registry for my cousin's wedding gift.  (Though she won't get anything if I don't get a TY note for the shower gift I sent.)  She and her new husband will be moving across the country for his job, and will be away from all the family.  Our family are big gamers, but there are few games we play that do well with only two players.  So, I'll be buying them Sequence, my go-to 2-player game, and maybe also another set of their dishes (again, depends on that TY note arriving in the next week or so.)