I love you, FI but I'm going to have to kill you.

climbingsingle

I got into a huge thing with my boss this morning. I was so angry, that I wanted to quit. I stepped outside to call FI to have him talk me down off the ledge. Honestly, I've been really unhappy here lately. It's come up in conversation once with FMIL, so she's somewhat aware of the fact that I have really stressful days here. 

 Anyway, FMIL must have called FI after he spoke to me. And he told FMIL that I had just called really upset and that I had wanted to quit. Now I have 5 text messages from FMIL: FI said they are giving you a hard time. What happened? Are you OK? What's going on? Call me if you need me. 

I love my FMIL and I think it's great that she cares so much. But I'm having a shit day and I really don't feel like having to discuss it with her. And I know that if I tell her I don't want to discuss it, it will hurt her feelings. 

 And it's not the first time he's done this. I applied for a job last week and they contacted me to ask my salary requirements. So, he told FMIL. Then FMIL had 500 questions about my new job. For fucks sake. I haven't even scheduled an interview yet. After that situation, I asked FI to please not share information like that with his mom. I didn't even tell my mom, who I'm super close with. He apologized and felt really bad about it. But then he did it again today. Gah! I don't want to have to talk to her about every bad day I have. Or every minuscule thing that goes on! Can I just have a bad day and not have her know about it!?!?!?

climbingsingle

And TK ate my paragraphs.

mrsmorales2be

I can understand your frustration - that would totally get to me too.  My stemom is totally invasive like that.  But, on the other hand....she seems genuinely caring and concerned.  Maybe just a "Thanks...I'm ok, but can't really talk right now.  I'll touch base with you later" can get you off of the immediate hook without hurting her feelings?

sophhabobopha

Oh no. I'm your Fi. I tell my mom almost everything (not including very personal details or fights between Fi and I). She doesn't pester him, though.

climbingsingle

I really do like my FMIL, but she can be really overbearing. She calls FI at least 3 times a day. She texts me all day long. Sometimes it's just a little too much. I guess it's good that she lives in Florida! 

JCbride2015

Fi has done this, too.  He's very close with his parents, especially his dad.

I found out at dinner a few months ago that Fi had told his Dad I was planning on not taking their name.  How did I know?  Because FFIL cracked a joke about it.  We had a talk about that one.

I think MrsM's suggestion is good.  "Thanks so much for checking in, Fi made me feel better.  I'll have to talk to you later though, work is really busy now."

sophhabobopha

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I really do like my FMIL, but she can be really overbearing. She calls FI at least 3 times a day. She texts me all day long. Sometimes it's just a little too much. I guess it's good that she lives in Florida! 

SITB

What do you even have to talk about? My mom and I talk about every other day and we grasp at straws sometimes.

climbingsingle

sophhabobopha said:

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I really do like my FMIL, but she can be really overbearing. She calls FI at least 3 times a day. She texts me all day long. Sometimes it's just a little too much. I guess it's good that she lives in Florida! 

SITB

What do you even have to talk about? My mom and I talk about every other day and we grasp at straws sometimes.

She mostly calls to ask questions. Seriously. What are you doing? What's going on?  Then sometimes it's to complain about her other son, his girlfriend or her ex-husband. They all live in Florida, which is why we'll be staying in New York. Forever. 

mysticl

Wow, that is a ton of contact.  That would drive me bonkers. MIL only calls me directly when DH is deployed.  He has limited contact when he's gone so I'm the one the gets the phone calls and the majority of the e-mails. So she calls me to get updates on him.  

Couggal12

Sounds exactly like my FMIL. She's called me 5 x this week while I'm at work and left several VMs about wedding shoes. Freaking wedding shoes. She knows I can't talk very long at work but she will call anyway. Sometimes I'm just not in the mood to call right after work because I can have an hour plus commute and I'm exhausted but,  she will call FI the second I'm off work and ask why I haven't called back. Ugh.

I definitely understand your frustration.

climbingsingle

Couggal12 said:

Sounds exactly like my FMIL. She's called me 5 x this week while I'm at work and left several VMs about wedding shoes. Freaking wedding shoes. She knows I can't talk very long at work but she will call anyway. Sometimes I'm just not in the mood to call right after work because I can have an hour plus commute and I'm exhausted but,  she will call FI the second I'm off work and ask why I haven't called back. Ugh.

I definitely understand your frustration.

She does this too. She will call me the second I'm out of work. And I don't want to talk to after work. I just spent 8 hours talking to people. I'm done!

pinkcow13

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I really do like my FMIL, but she can be really overbearing. She calls FI at least 3 times a day. She texts me all day long. Sometimes it's just a little too much. I guess it's good that she lives in Florida! 

Do we have the same FMIL? This is my exact situation, except that my FMIL lives in Brooklyn. A 30 minute car or train ride away. She had a knee procedure done a few weeks ago, and so she is on medical leave, and it's gotten even worse. She texts me every.single.day.all.day.long. Last night to tell me she was having ice cream and a banana for dinner. And she calls FI at least 3 times a day too (every day). I mean, does she now know that he works?! And lately she has been so bored because she is stuck in the house (which she is really not. She can walk, and move, etc. She has gone to her friends house to hang out a few times, etc), so she has become especially clingy. Our favorite bar ever in the city is closing on Sunday, and FI and I were planning on going this weekend. Well, she wanted to come with us. I mean this bar is an after work, 20-30 something happy hour crowd. And, she HATES tequila and thus margaritas. 

I feel your pain, though. I would be soooo annoyed at FI if he went blabbing my business to his mom. I get annoyed when he blabs about OUR business (such as the cost of the wedding, which we are paying for ourselves), so my personal business would REALLY irritate me.

ETA: The bar is famous for its margaritas, and that is the only reason we go there. My comment above seemed out of place lol.

Sugargirl1019

We have the same mother in law!! I'm sitting at the airport coming back from my honeymoon. Y'all, fuck facebook messenger. She was messaging him all week asking for pictures and weather updates. I told H, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE ARE YOU TO EVEN READ THOSE MESSAGES.

He complied. But seriously, does mother in law have no sense or politeness? Leave us alone!

(There was free WiFi at our resort and we would read news stories during the day, check on the tropical depression that was forming, and we would stalk our wedding pictures that ppl were posting to FB)

climbingsingle

We all do have the same FMIL! Just this week she was telling me that we have to make sure to check in with her once a day while we're on our vacation in Italy.

mysticl

ClimbingBrideNY said:

We all do have the same FMIL! Just this week she was telling me that we have to make sure to check in with her once a day while we're on our vacation in Italy.

Even my mother isn't that bad.  I can go round for round on clingy mother stories with the best of them.  

jenna8984

Yikes I feel bad for you ladies! I honestly don't think FMIL has my phone number. I don't have hers. FI doesn't really like her, but we got over for dinner about once a month to be nice and that's basically his only contact with her. If I need to ask her anything wedding related (like if she cares about a corsage) I just send her a FB message and she replies immediatly. But she answers the question and the conversation is over- very much like my own mother.