Wedding Drama... (Ranting)

jnrsgirl

So FI and I ended up deciding to elope in September and do a family get together later on to celebrate with family and friends. We took our immediate families out to lunch to announce our decision. At first family tried to convince us not to cancel the original plans, which we politely declined and explained our reasoning.

Later that night, FMIL calls to inform us that if we cancel the original plans then she wants us to do a white dress re-enactment / reception in the UP with all our relatives on FI's side. So after a heated debate between FI and FMIL about why a PPD is not going to happen, FMIL announces that she is just going to plan it for us then. Since apparently if she pays for it, we have no choice but to concede in the matter.

Fast forward to lunch today... And my family bombards us with texts / emails about how we can't possibly cancel our wedding plans and how terrible and sad our guests would feel... Or how grandma could possibly die before another person in our family gets married... (My older cousin has been married 3x and his sister 2x so I highly doubt our elopement would be deleterious to grandma's health.)

I may have had a slight case of bitchy pants from said guilt trip badgering because after wasting hours of my time, I snarkily replied that if it were going to kill grandma not to be involved in another grandkid's wedding planning I'm sure she could assist older cousin who has been dropping hints that he plans to pop the question to would be wifey number four on their aanniversary next month.

Needless to say, wine, triple chocolate ice cream, and a romantic movie with FI are in order for tonight!

missdelilah

I'm sorry that your family are causing you so much grief, but it's understandable to see how they would feel let down by your elopement and not getting to see the whole spectacle.  That said, it's still your decision, and while it may take a while, hopefully they'll eventually come to respect it.  I hope your FMIL gives up on the PPD idea if it's not for you.  Even if she organizes most of it, there's so much that you'll be expected to do to that it's not going to be the big holiday FMIL intends.  Is there really no way that you can convince them that a party at a later date is still appropriate, and much nicer and less expensive than a PPD?

Senecaf

Sorry that sounds very stressfull. Hopefully they can all accept your decision soon and move on and just be happy for you.

CMGragain

Just say "No."

Jells2dot0

That is why I "for real" eloped and didn't tell anyone our plans beforehand. Noone had the chance to ruin our plans with their unnecessary comments, stress, and drama.

They can complain all they want, but the reality of it is that they can't plan any type of party for you within involving you. They'd look ridiculous if you just didn't show. I'd stand firm with your plans, keep declining the PPD plans, and try to paint a nice picture of a grand party without the big dress, bridal party, special dances, and tosses.

Ndelible

Well, she could hire actors to portray you both.

kmmssg

Just because FMIL plans it doesn't mean you have to take part in it.  Frankly, you and FI need to tell her no and set a boundary because she is running over you guys with a mack truck here.

Also, how will your family feel if you guys do the reenactment for his family?  Talk about opening the drama door!

theartistformerlyknownas

I don't think I've ever heard of anyone announcing elopement plans in advance - they just run off and do it. Now we see why.

I suggest actually eloping like RIGHT NOW and telling them "what's done is done" and going ahead with your celebration plans and bean dipping everyone at every opportunity.

goldchocobo.defunct635829490514903826

Ndelible said:

Well, she could hire actors to portray you both.

I vote Sandra Bullock and Matt Damon.  Are they available?

OliveOilsMom

jnrsgirl said:

So FI and I ended up deciding to elope in September and do a family get together later on to celebrate with family and friends. We took our immediate families out to lunch to announce our decision. At first family tried to convince us not to cancel the original plans, which we politely declined and explained our reasoning. Later that night, FMIL calls to inform us that if we cancel the original plans then she wants us to do a white dress re-enactment / reception in the UP with all our relatives on FI's side. So after a heated debate between FI and FMIL about why a PPD is not going to happen, FMIL announces that she is just going to plan it for us then. Since apparently if she pays for it, we have no choice but to concede in the matter. Fast forward to lunch today... And my family bombards us with texts / emails about how we can't possibly cancel our wedding plans and how terrible and sad our guests would feel... Or how grandma could possibly die before another person in our family gets married... (My older cousin has been married 3x and his sister 2x so I highly doubt our elopement would be deleterious to grandma's health.) I may have had a slight case of bitchy pants from said guilt trip badgering because after wasting hours of my time, I snarkily replied that if it were going to kill grandma not to be involved in another grandkid's wedding planning I'm sure she could assist older cousin who has been dropping hints that he plans to pop the question to would be wifey number four on their aanniversary next month. Needless to say, wine, triple chocolate ice cream, and a romantic movie with FI are in order for tonight!

Stopping talking to both families about the wedding. Also, don't tell them the plans for the party later on. Just send the invitations when the time comes. Learn this phrase and repeat it: "FI and I have planned the wedding that we want to have. We will no longer be considering anyone else's thought or opinions on the matter. Thank you." When the time comes, just send the invitations for the party that you have planned. Don't let anyone else plan it because they might try to sneak in a re-enactment.

jnrsgirl

We weren't trying to announce our elopement plans. Just figured it would be more ettiquette friendly to tell the parents in person that our original big wedding plans were being cancelled, but that we would still be getting married. I was totally not expecting the whole drama fiasco.