Partner's Sister In Law

lisavalo

My partner's brother married an awful woman last year
No one in the family likes her or the way she treats people or her partner. She knows how I feel about her but the rest of my partner's family don't like to say anything to her face. A few months ago she did something bad and my partner called her up on it. Since then she won't speak to him or allow him in their house (of which his brother of course owns half).

She hasn't attended any family events over the last few months for various reasons/prior engagements/excuses, and I haven't seen her since January. We may have to see her and be civil at Christmas, however my partner won't apologise and we can't stand her or her gossipy, spiteful nature. I'm being told we pretty much have to invite her to the wedding for the sake of keeping family peace/his brother's sake, but it's our wedding, and we've already made a lot of compromises to keep his family happy.

I feel if she was to attend it would be very awkward, and I'd be conscious of her being negative on the day, shooting looks, bad mouthing our choices, etc.I feel trapped and don't want to cause upset but I know my partner's family will be annoyed if we exclude her (I already received slack for not inviting her to my hen do!). The cost per head isn't cheap either and overall we're just unhappy and uncomfortable having her there on our special day.

Any advice would be appreciated on where to go next on this x

lyndausvi

I would either not invite the brother or invite both of them. Think of it this way, how would you feel if your partner is invited to a family wedding and you are not? My husband would pick me over going to a wedding where I was excluded from. I expect most couples feel that way. However, if I really disliked the person getting married I would more than likely just send him. I would be the better person and invite them both. Hopefully she will decline.

CMGragain

Suck it up and invite her.  Then it is on her whether or not she attends, and you will be blameless.

pinkshorts27

CMGragain said:

Suck it up and invite her.  Then it is on her whether or not she attends, and you will be blameless.

This. Be the bigger person.

STARMOON44

Obviously you have to invite her. No question. Just seat her not near you.

Nymeru

Like PP said, as much as it sucks, it's all or nothing.  Either you exclude the brother and his wife, or you invite both of them.  Purposely not inviting her would be  serious slap in the face.  Maybe if you're lucky, she'll choose not to come and her husband will come by himself instead.

RebeccaFlower

You can't not invite her. Invite both or none. 

[Deleted User]

lisavalo said:

My partner's brother married an awful woman last year No one in the family likes her or the way she treats people or her partner. She knows how I feel about her but the rest of my partner's family don't like to say anything to her face. A few months ago she did something bad and my partner called her up on it. Since then she won't speak to him or allow him in their house (of which his brother of course owns half). She hasn't attended any family events over the last few months for various reasons/prior engagements/excuses, and I haven't seen her since January. We may have to see her and be civil at Christmas, however my partner won't apologise and we can't stand her or her gossipy, spiteful nature. I'm being told we pretty much have to invite her to the wedding for the sake of keeping family peace/his brother's sake, but it's our wedding, and we've already made a lot of compromises to keep his family happy. I feel if she was to attend it would be very awkward, and I'd be conscious of her being negative on the day, shooting looks, bad mouthing our choices, etc.I feel trapped and don't want to cause upset but I know my partner's family will be annoyed if we exclude her (I already received slack for not inviting her to my hen do!). The cost per head isn't cheap either and overall we're just unhappy and uncomfortable having her there on our special day. Any advice would be appreciated on where to go next on this x

what is this?

emcme22

adk19 said:

lisavalo said:

My partner's brother married an awful woman last year
No one in the family likes her or the way she treats people or her partner. She knows how I feel about her but the rest of my partner's family don't like to say anything to her face. A few months ago she did something bad and my partner called her up on it. Since then she won't speak to him or allow him in their house (of which his brother of course owns half).

She hasn't attended any family events over the last few months for various reasons/prior engagements/excuses, and I haven't seen her since January. We may have to see her and be civil at Christmas, however my partner won't apologise and we can't stand her or her gossipy, spiteful nature. I'm being told we pretty much have to invite her to the wedding for the sake of keeping family peace/his brother's sake, but it's our wedding, and we've already made a lot of compromises to keep his family happy.

I feel if she was to attend it would be very awkward, and I'd be conscious of her being negative on the day, shooting looks, bad mouthing our choices, etc.I feel trapped and don't want to cause upset but I know my partner's family will be annoyed if we exclude her (I already received slack for not inviting her to my hen do!). The cost per head isn't cheap either and overall we're just unhappy and uncomfortable having her there on our special day.

Any advice would be appreciated on where to go next on this x

what is this?




It's the same thing as a bachelorette party, at least as far as I know

[Deleted User]

I thought so, but I was confused because I thought bachelorette parties happened closer to the wedding since it's supposed to be the last night of "freedom" or whatever.  And if the OP is still deciding whether or not to invite her future sister in law, it seems like the b party happened a bit early.  But i guess scheduling things happen.

i think it's totally fine that you didn't invite her to your b party.  i'd only invite close friends.  i wouldn't even invite the future sister in law that i LIKED because it doesn't really strike me as her thing, she lives far away, she wouldn't know anyone else, and i just want my besties there.

lc07

If you are inviting your partner's brother, she must also be invited. OP, you will be so focused on your FI and your wedding day that I hope you'd hardly notice her. I also recommend leaving this in your partner's court. (Choosing whether or not to invite the brother). Not inviting him could end the relationship. And that is a choice only your partner should make.

lisavalo

Thanks everyone. I guess I'll just have to invite her and cross my fingers that she doesn't show.

Btw I'm English so hen party is a bachelorette party. I've not had it yet but was told off for excluding her from the invite list.