Too Many People Want Me Pregnant

Sugargirl1019

I've been thinking about this for a few days since it's happened. It started with comments on some wedding pictures on Fb between MIL and her nosey friends. "Are you ready for grandbabies??" "When will they have their first?!" "Can't wait for you to join the grandmother club!"

Ugh. Seriously? What about US?!

So then we were at lunch with his family (aunts, cousins) and his aunt starts talking about doctors. "Write this name down, you should start seeing them as soon as possible, she's a high risk obgyn which I know you need". And continues on about how I need to see this great doctor for my child bearing needs asap.

/sigh.

So, once I got married, the security fell in and my mind switched and I've been on baby mode kinda wanting a baby. But H wants to wait 5 years. Which makes me a little sad, but now that everyone is throwing it in our face, I'm angry! I don't want to get pregnant!

My family even made jokes about morning sickness when I threw up a food I'm possibly allergic to in the afternoon (my brother is allergic to it).

I just feel people are too nosey and H's family is really driving me crazy insisting we need to have kids now.. I just want to play a joke on them and cry when it happens again saying that I can't physically have children. (Rude and insensitive to those who truly can't, I know and I'm sorry.) But at least it would shut people up with their baby fever!

In other news, I told my mom all of this and she practically threw up imagining me pregnant. Which hurt. Lots of emotions in my head about wanting a baby or not wanting a baby. Sorry this is all jumbled!

theartistformerlyknownas

Ugh I'm right there with you on all the nosiness. Yes, we do love kids. Yes, we'd love to have them relatively soon. But God only knows if that will actually happen! Stop making assumptions on the state of my uterus. Stop asking. Stop joking. It's just so insensitive.

mschristie123

I'm sorry you're going through this. People can be really annoying and in your business when they don't have any goddamn right to be. Fortunately my parents don't want to be grandparents anytime soon (They are freaked out by getting older and feel that becoming a grandparent would immediately make them feel old and decrepit)

I know what you mean though. Our wedding was only 2 months ago, and I feel like I get the stare down every time I'm with friends and I'm not drinking. It's obnoxious and rude and annoys me to no end. Obviously the best you can do is to keep your private life private, and smile sweetly any time anyone says anything asinine. If you and DH are thinking about upping your timeline about having children, that is strictly a decision the two of you will make on your own, when you're ready, without any 2 cents from the "grandma's club."

I'm not sure if this true, but I'm kind of hoping that the all the baby fever around us will settle down as we progress in our marriage and our newlywed status wears off a bit. I'm sort of banking on the fact that everyone is just all excited about our wedding and is talking about babies non stop, but, hopefully that will die down once all the wedding excitement wears off and we just go back to being a normal couple.

thisismynickname2

Just don't let anyone come after you with a turkey baster.  

It does disgust me that people ask for totally selfish reasons.  Your parents want to be grandparents, your relatives want a new niece/nephew/cousin.  Nevermind what YOU want. 

WinstonsGirl

Just give them info they don't want to hear.  A guy at works occasionally asks when I'm having kids (he has 4, me = never).  I finally told him we'd been trying, but no luck.  We'd tried several times a day, DH on top, me on top, doggie style, and on and on.  I just kept rambling.  He was out of the staff room so fast and hasn't asked me since.  

When you put their question in that perspective, they tend to stop asking.  

Sugargirl1019

I'm so back and forth in my mind, like I want DH to feel completely comfortable before having kids (he definitely wants, just later), but at the same time my mind is like, but I want a baby now! Before I was married, pregnancy was feared. Who's gonna help you take care of it? How will you pay? How will you work? And now that I'm married, those questions are answered and I feel secure so I'm like yay babies! Husband let's make a baby!

Then there's his family jumping up my vagina trying to put a baby there for us. Calm down y'all. You really turn me off from babies.

And then there's my mom, who is completely opposite and sounds like me being pregnant would be the worst thing ever. That hurts too, because I turn 25 soon and hey that's a great age for baby #1..

And I want DH to be happy and not worry that I will skip my birth control so we can have a baby without telling him. (That won't happen). My mind is sooo clouded on these thoughts!

RebeccaFlower

I get you. I'm young and we're settled but I'm definitely not ready. H & I want to travel and enjoy a few years married before we commit to children. My BFF/MOH just had a baby, who I'm in love with, and I posted a picture and I got SO many comments asking about babies. One said "Baby fever?" and twelve people liked it! Like back the fuck off, I'm just happy for my friend. 

I appalled by how nosey and inconsiderate people are. Imagine how I would feel if I was trying and it wasn't happening? Comments like that would probably devistate me. 

ETA: I suck at words.

Inkdancer

I think I'd have to be blunt with all parties involved. To mom, "it hurts me that you reacted that way. Don't you think I'll be a good mother when I'm ready?" To FMIL, "my uterus is mine, please stop discussing it with other people."

bethsmiles

I will never understand why people think they should comment on other people's childbearing plans. Just start telling them everytime they bring it up, you and H are pushing it back another year.

I'm sorry about your mom's reaction though. That is really sucky. Maybe she was just trying to sympathize with you about your in-laws and missed the mark? Hopefully, when you do choose to have a baby she will be excited.

Sugargirl1019

@RebeccaFlower Yes! H's family really doesnt know how hard having a baby for me will be because of medical conditions. Just let me take my time thinking about it all and i will probably ask DH to push the timeline up to when im 27 or 28. But thats for us to talk about. Also, it's quite possible that his mom will NEVER join the grandma club. Stop being so hopeful and expectant immediately.‌

Sugargirl1019

bethsmiles said:

I will never understand why people think they should comment on other people's childbearing plans. Just start telling them everytime they bring it up, you and H are pushing it back another year.

I'm sorry about your mom's reaction though. That is really sucky. Maybe she was just trying to sympathize with you about your in-laws and missed the mark? Hopefully, when you do choose to have a baby she will be excited.

I think that might have been it, just missing the mark. She was trying to be supportive with all those crazy baby comments, and mom was just backing me up. She's previously made comments ts about child safety locks in the back of the car on windows for "the children". I know she'll be happy when it does happen. That doesn't mean I felt a little sting though.

steph861

I'm sorry you're going through this. 

My parents tried for six years, and suffered a miscarriage, before my sister came along. I know it hurt them every time somebody asked when they were going to give me a sibling.

sarawifenow

This sucks and makes me want to punch people. I don't know why people feel the need to pressure/fixate on other people's reproductive plans.

 

FSIL just had our niece last week (cutest baby in the world!) and we couldn't be happier. FI's family has been getting on us about having kids. I actually had someone say, "well you wouldn't be showing for your wedding, so you might as well get pregnant now". I swear some people are just so pushy!

 

ETF:spelling

mysticl

Sugargirl1019 said:

@RebeccaFlower Yes! H's family really doesnt know how hard having a baby for me will be because of medical conditions. Just let me take my time thinking about it all and i will probably ask DH to push the timeline up to when im 27 or 28. But thats for us to talk about. Also, it's quite possible that his mom will NEVER join the grandma club. Stop being so hopeful and expectant immediately.‌

STB:

Maybe you could agree that each year you will sit down together and reevaluate where you are on having kids. 

KatieinBkln

Sugargirl1019 said:

@RebeccaFlower Yes! H's family really doesnt know how hard having a baby for me will be because of medical conditions. Just let me take my time thinking about it all and i will probably ask DH to push the timeline up to when im 27 or 28. But thats for us to talk about. Also, it's quite possible that his mom will NEVER join the grandma club. Stop being so hopeful and expectant immediately.‌

I wonder if the bolded is why your mom reacted the way she did. You're still HER baby, so it might be that the prospect of seeing you in pain/enduring a difficult pregnancy is scary to her.

I understand why it would hurt, though!

Thank god no one has been (figuratively) poking around my lady bits. If they start, they can expect a serious talking to.

CMGragain

I know it's annoying to hear the hopeful pregnancy comments.  Try to sympathize with your MIL.

You know how brides are obsessed with wedding plans, and are sometimes competitive and worried about what their friends will think about their wedding?  Grandmothers-to-be are like that, too. 
I had to listen to grandchildren gushing for years from my contemporaries before I finally joined the Grandma League.  I married later than my friends, and my daughter did, too.  I was 62 when I finally got my turn to brag.  (Sigh!)  Of course, my grandson is perfect!

The old lady is being supportive and accepting of you.  She WANTS you to be the mother of her grandchild!  OK, it is annoying, frustrating, and embarrassing for you.  She doesn't get that part.

If you ever are pregnant, she will be on top of the moon for you.  She will be there if you need a baby-break.  My own mother told me that she hated babies, and when I became pregnant, her response was "Oh, no!  You'll never have any fun again!  Babies are awful!"
I never had any support from her.  My MIL adored her first grandchild, but she was dying of emphysema, and couldn't help me any.

Be patient with old ladies who wish you well.  Just smile, and say "Thank you, but we don't have any certain plans right now."  I think you are blessed.

JCbride2015

That's the worst.  My sister keeps talking about how she can't wait to be an aunt.  Well, you can wait a little longer!

LadyMillil

mysticl said:

Sugargirl1019 said:

@RebeccaFlower Yes! H's family really doesnt know how hard having a baby for me will be because of medical conditions. Just let me take my time thinking about it all and i will probably ask DH to push the timeline up to when im 27 or 28. But thats for us to talk about. Also, it's quite possible that his mom will NEVER join the grandma club. Stop being so hopeful and expectant immediately.‌

STB:

Maybe you could agree that each year you will sit down together and reevaluate where you are on having kids. 

I hate everyone asking when we are going to have a baby. I would LOVE to be TTC right now, but it doesn't make financial sense or sense career wise to have a baby until I am finishing my PhD. One of the benefits about living far away from my family and ILs is not having to deal with constant asking and pressure. It sucks that you're dealing with this.

I think the bolded is a great idea. DH and I have decided to evaluate where we stand on TTC about every 6 months. We also talk about things we want to do before TTC (travel, financial and personal goals). 

erinlin25

The way I see it, is it is just the next step of excitement and while yes it is annoying and a bit personal, just remember people are excited for the next phase of your life. Just like when you are dating and everyone asks "when is the wedding." I know I have asked the baby question in the past and now that I am older (and a newlywed) I get how personal of a question it is and wish I could apologize to all my friends who got married young and I asked, "so when will you have babies." People are going to ask; the question will never disappear, and even once you have (if you have) you will get "so when will you have another," or "now that you have a boy are you going to try for a girl!?" It's going to happen, so instead of letting it get to you just be polite and let them know that right now it is not in your plans and move on, bean dip if you have to. We are constantly getting the question, and our answer is simple.. "we need at least another year or two before we decide when we will have children. Right now we are enjoying being married." People will move on. Our BIL/SIL took some of the heat away at first since they were pregnant with baby #2 soon after our wedding, but now that our nephew is here people are back at asking H and I. H is not ready and he is not afraid to tell people that. When we got married we new we needed at least a year, and now I am more than happy to wait another year or two. I know he is not ready and that is fine. We would like to be more financial ready and really have enjoyed going on vacations, staying out late and being hungover on the weekends, lol. We see our friends with kids and know they do not have the luxury to get up and do things spontaneously so right now we are enjoying this phase of life and are not afraid to tell people that.