What do you do when your dream venue is just out of budget?

behsco90

On Monday FI, my mom and I went around looking at different venues.  One hotel we went to, we saw two ballrooms.  One was so-so, I liked it, and then we saw the next one and it blew me away.  There was no comparison. (pics below - so-so ballroom with chairs and my favorite ballroom empty)  I fell in love immediately.  It was grand, with really tall ceilings, pillars.  The lady who showed us didn't know the food & beverage minimums (she works with small 50 people weddings) so we had to wait to find out until the next day.  Well we found out.  With the 20% service fee on top of the food & beverage min, it would leave us with $6k for everything else.  That's for the big, grand, amazing, I would die for it ballroom.  The smaller one would leave us with a $9k left over.

I talked to the lady today and asked her if there was anything she could do.  I didn't really have to negotiate much, she took the food and beverage minimum $2k for the big ballroom and $3k for the small one (but I think we would still go over the minimum with the small ballroom).  It still doesn't leave much room for everything else. 

So I'm coming to you ladies for advice!  My parents have already told us what the max is they are helping out with the wedding (which is most of the budget) and FI and I are footing the rest.  Should I dip into my savings a bit more for this place?  FI and I are doing garage sales, selling big ticket stuff on craigslist, I already have taken on a part time job (just one day a week) and FI is going to look for one as well.  I definitely do not want to go into debt for this (and I wouldn't, as I have a nice chunk of change in savings, but I was going to save some of it for a down payment if I don't sell my condo).

What do I do?  I can't stop looking at this ballroom.  I have tried googling pictures of the smaller ballroom set up for weddings, to show myself that it can look nice too, but something about it I just don't like.  I can't stop thinking about the other one.  We have exhausted all other options for venues (either too small or too expensive, or my mom rules it out).  Of course with this venue, cutting the guest list doesn't help with the cost of the venue.  I was thinking of going back to the lady and seeing if she can do anything else to lower it, but I know there is only so much they can do.

TL;DR I'm in love with a venue that would take up most of the wedding budget.  Should I dip more into savings to afford it?



Edit to add pictures.

Jells2dot0

You say you'd have $6K left over for "everything else"? What exactly does the everything else entail? You may need more than $6K once you add the rest of it up, though you can certainly do the remaining things on more of a DIY budget. 

So, I guess it depends on what other things you need, what other things you are able to scale back on, and what you and your FI decide is your priority. If it's more important to have a new home, then I'd focus on that. I know almost every girl dreams of their wedding and has a vision. I didn't really have that, so I can't totally relate, but we can't always have our dream. In fact, I'm a firm believer that the dream should really just be marrying your SO! However, I realize I'm the exception to that rule in the world of weddings. It really is a personal thing and only you and your FI can decide what is best for you. 

steph861

How much were you hoping to have left over after paying for the venue/food/beverages?

Also, with the woman decreasing the food/beverage minimum by $2k, does that mean it would now leave you with $8k? Or did the $6k figure include the decrease?

lyndausvi

I need to know what "everything else" includes.  But on the surface I say find another place.   

behsco90

Everything else includes pretty much everything.  Dress, photographer, invites, decorations, the whole 9 yards.  I know it's silly for me to be so in love with this place, but we have literally looked at every single other option in the city and have had to rule all of them out.

luckya23

What's your total budget?  I mean, $6k for "everything else" seems (like it better be) doable to me, but maybe I have no idea what things cost!  Let's say $1000 for dress, $2000 for photographer, $800 for DJ... Maybe you don't go crazy with flowers.  My friend just had a ballroom wedding (nothing like the awesome one you found, more like the ones with the plain brown moveable walls in hotels) and the centerpieces were just vases with one submerged flower and maybe a floating candle.  That might be too plain for the venue, but it might also put the focus back on the venue rather than the table settings.

I'm probably not a good one to ask, because I pretty much doubled my budget for my venue - but I had an unrealistic budget to begin with.

In fact, I wouldn't really say I have a "budget" at this point - not to say it's unlimited by any means, but I'm just sort of waiting to see what it ends up costing... I don't think it's bad to kick in more money for what you really want though.

ETA: I think the smaller room is nice too though!  How many on your guest list?  $3000 is a huge difference.

mschristie123

Have you looked into discounted pricing that they may offer for Friday or Sunday weddings? Or weddings in the off season (November- April)?

behsco90

@Kelani23 Total budget is $30k (my parents paying $20k and FI and I each putting in $5k).  So far we've saved more than $500 just for the wedding, in a matter of a week or so, from one garage sale and me working 13 hours at my extra job.  I want to get my $5k from doing things like that, and if I can, I would have no problem taking out an extra $5k from my savings, but then there is no guarantee that I can put away $5k from garage sales, etc.

@mschristie123 - We can't do Fridays or Sundays at FI's church (having a Catholic ceremony) so that's out.  And no off season wedding - I know the reasoning behind it is silly, but there are 3 other family member's wedding next year, all around the country, and so end of summer is the best time for us to have it, to give family time to recoup and be able to make it to all the weddings.


I don't know what to do.  I am a very indecisive person, so big decisions like this are pretty daunting to me.

huskypuppy14

We really need to know your total budget to give you a good answer. You should be spending about 60% on the food and beverage. So if your total budget is around 18k I think you are ok. Some people have their entire wedding on a 6k budget. 

And does the min. Include tax and gratuity?

lyndausvi

behsco90 said:

@Kelani23 Total budget is $30k (my parents paying $20k and FI and I each putting in $5k).  So far we've saved more than $500 just for the wedding, in a matter of a week or so, from one garage sale and me working 13 hours at my extra job.  I want to get my $5k from doing things like that, and if I can, I would have no problem taking out an extra $5k from my savings, but then there is no guarantee that I can put away $5k from garage sales, etc.

@mschristie123 - We can't do Fridays or Sundays at FI's church (having a Catholic ceremony) so that's out.  And no off season wedding - I know the reasoning behind it is silly, but there are 3 other family member's wedding next year, all around the country, and so end of summer is the best time for us to have it, to give family time to recoup and be able to make it to all the weddings.


I don't know what to do.  I am a very indecisive person, so big decisions like this are pretty daunting to me.

That's odd his church does not do a Friday wedding.  I've attend Friday Catholic weddings before.   Live across the street from a Catholic Church in another state and they preformed tons Friday weddings.   

mschristie123

Yeah, might double check on the Friday ceremony thing. I was a BM in a catholic Friday wedding last summer.

CMGragain

This is a quote from Miss Manners about dream weddings:

Miss Manners' top 5 gentle wedding reminders

1. When you had that childhood wedding fantasy, you were a child. If you don't have better taste and a greater sense of social and fiscal responsibility now, you're too immature to get married.

2. People are more important than menus. Figure out first whom you want to have there, and then what you can afford to serve them, not the other way around.

3. A phrase you will be happier if you forget: "the perfect wedding." Perfection does not exist this side of heaven, especially when it involves complicated arrangements and all kinds of other people, and you'll drive yourself and others crazy if you think you can achieve it.

4. Another phrase you will be happier forgetting: "It's your day." The joining of two people involves two (or more) families and other relatives and friends, and you ignore their feelings and comfort at your peril.

This used to be a sticky, and I wish the Knot would put it up again.  Very few brides get their dream wedding.  I certainly didn't.   Marriage is about real life and budgets, not dreams.

wajohnson09

I'm a firm believer of living below your means and budgeting.

That being said....

Is this really only (using only loosely) a $3,000 difference? I don't know your situation, but an extra $3,000 isn't that terribly, horribly overboard if you stay on budget with everything else. It seems like you really like this place, what does your FI think? I wouldn't touch retirement savings or anything like that. Maybe take another look at your savings plan... When is your wedding? Do you have a lot of time to save more and get an extra cushion?

holyguacamole79

Honestly, it's just a wedding. I wouldn't go crazy working extra shifts just for this. Also, I wouldn't dip into savings, either. Within the first year of our marriage, I had medical issues that sent me to the ER several times, DH had to buy a new car, and we had to replace the AC in our house. These were all things we did not expect AT ALL. Focus on the marriage, not the wedding.

behsco90

Thanks for putting it into perspective for me guys.  I'll try one last time to see if I can get her to come down any on the food & bev minimums and if she can't then I'll try to forget about it and keep looking.

@lyndausvi and @mschristie123 I will double check with them, but it's not a "typical" church in that it's a historical site, so that might be why.

JCbride2015

Right off the bat, I will tell you I think both of those rooms are gorgeous.  But I see what you mean with the bigger room being more "grand."

Would you be jeopardizing your financial health in other ways if you use an extra $5k of your savings?  $5k I wasn't planning on would be a lot for me, but maybe it isn't for you.  If you can use your savings without messing up the rest of your finances, then it sounds like you're in good shape.

And hey, luckily for you we have almost exactly the same budget!  So I can give some concrete advice.  Our venue left us $8,000 for "everything else" and, to keep the level consistent with the venue, we realized that wasn't enough in our area.  So we bumped our savings plan up and now have $10,000 for "everything else," which is about right (not including my dress, which was a gift).

Just some more philosophical thoughts on wedding venues.  My "dream venue" was the Museum of Natural History.  Just to rent it would have been close to $15k and the catering minimum was $225pp.  NOT happening.  My next favorite venue was a local art museum.  We could afford it, but quickly realized carting in all the tables, chairs, arranging our own vendors, etc. was going to get crazy pretty fast.  NOT happening.  We ended up with an historical restaurant, totally different style than I initially wanted, but the food is great and it will be really fun.  You don't need the perfect venue to have a lovely wedding.

missdelilah

I see why you're drawn to the second room, rather than the first.  It's so classic, but updated looking, while the first just doesn't have such nice carpeting.  They are both beautiful though.

That said, I'm glad you've taken the advice of PPs and decided to think on this further.  

Your wedding will be beautiful no matter where you hold it.

JennyColada

They look about the same to me. And as a guest I likely wouldn't be affected by either venue.

jenna8984

sarahbear31 said:

Honestly, it's just a wedding. I wouldn't go crazy working extra shifts just for this. Also, I wouldn't dip into savings, either. Within the first year of our marriage, I had medical issues that sent me to the ER several times, DH had to buy a new car, and we had to replace the AC in our house. These were all things we did not expect AT ALL. Focus on the marriage, not the wedding.

I agree with this. Honestly, if you're resorting to yard sales and extra jobs, then you do not have enough financial cushion to blow 5k out of savings. If you had 50k in savings I'd say ok, but by the sounds of it, you don't.

Read the post titled "gather round kiddies" to see what a real wedding is about. She gave up her "dream" venue a month before the wedding and booked something super quick so her terminally ill mom could be in attendance and that is more important than any ballroom. It's one day of your life, that will be beautiful and perfect- the size of the room and the carpet isn't going to change that and isn't worth going into your down payment fund in my eyes.

Peaseblossom55

I'd go with the cheaper ballroom it's still really pretty.  In the end it will be the day you are married, it will be special no matter what.  Yard sales and part time jobs don't seem worth all of the energy just for a prettier ballroom.

LadyMillil

I didn't book my dream venue, which was similar to the second ballroom you're considering, due to budget and logistical concerns. The ballroom I ended up with is very similar to the first one you are considering. I was able to get a very good deal on a decorating package that helped transform the ballroom from "ok" to "weddingy". Four months before my wedding, DH was laid off from his job unexpectedly. This is his last week of unemployment. I was definitely glad that we didn't dip into our savings after dealing with several months of DH being unemployed.

I would definitely recommend booking the cheaper option because you never know what will happen between now and the wedding. Decor can do a lot in a space you aren't exactly thrilled with, and there are a lot of good deals and DIY ideas out there that can make huge differences for little money.

mrsmagicgeek

CMGragain said:

This is a quote from Miss Manners about dream weddings:

Miss Manners' top 5 gentle wedding reminders

1. When you had that childhood wedding fantasy, you
were a child. If you don't have better taste and a greater sense of
social and fiscal responsibility now, you're too immature to get
married.

2. People are more important than menus. Figure out
first whom you want to have there, and then what you can afford to serve
them, not the other way around.

3. A phrase you will be happier if you forget: "the
perfect wedding." Perfection does not exist this side of heaven,
especially when it involves complicated arrangements and all kinds of
other people, and you'll drive yourself and others crazy if you think
you can achieve it.

4. Another phrase you will be happier forgetting:
"It's your day." The joining of two people involves two (or more)
families and other relatives and friends, and you ignore their feelings
and comfort at your peril.

This used to be a sticky, and I wish the Knot would put it up again.  Very few brides get their dream wedding.  I certainly didn't.   Marriage is about real life and budgets, not dreams.

What's #5? (Genuinely curious)

hikebikebemerry

I second PPs.  Definitely think on this.  Perhaps another venue will come along that is more within your budget.

Even though I haven't gotten married yet, I will say- things tend to add up, rather than cost less so it's always better to leave extra in your planning rather than max out your budget (and I'm sorry, but I do think that if you are selling your stuff and picking up an extra job in order to afford this, it is already slightly above budget; but that is just me and my little old opinion).

Sit on it.  Talk with your FI.  Look at your financial health as a couple, what you have saved for emergencies, savings for a future home, etc., etc.

And while all of this talk about money and celebrations and whatnot is going on- don't forget to enjoy being engaged!  Take time with your FI, try to not overwork yourself, and take care of yourself so that you can enjoy this time in your life.

climbingsingle

I don't really think it's worth it if you have to hold garage sales and work extra hours. Your dream venue should be a venue that allows you to stay within your budget, have all the things you desire and host your guests properly. 

JaxInBlue

Agree with PPs. While the second venue is beautiful, I wouldn't say it's so much better than the first that I'd strain to get the extra money. At the end of your wedding, the wow factor is not going to be the thing guests remember; it will be that you hosted them well, took time to greet or meet everyone, and made everyone feel comfortable. The wow factor is adds to people's memories but does not define them.

DH and I did not get our first choice venue; in fact, the venue we initially wanted still does not exist, as we initially were looking at a venue that was being remodeled. The remodel stalled, then was cancelled so a few months after thinking we had a spot we went elsewhere. And elsewhere was great - the food was better, the staff was super accommodating, there was room for us to set up a kids annex for our nieces and nephews to play.

Find a venue that meets your budget reality, not where you will be if you work crazy hours at part-time jobs, so you can save yourself the stress of wondering when you will raise the cash you need.

ETA: the darn paragraphs

scrunchythief

l I don't have too much advice on whether or not to pick the bigger ballroom apart from looking at realistically how much the "rest" will end up costing.  Our "rest" ended up costing <$3000, out of $8500 total budget, but our wedding was kind of casual (still had full open bar and great Italian food) and I DIYed a crap ton of stuff, including the DJ (we rented speakers).  This did not include the photographer, because I don't know how much that cost my in-laws and wasn't something we'd originally planned on having.  So to me even $6000 for the rest sounds like a good bit, but I don't know your area or the time/inclination you have for DIY.

About wow factors at weddings, I learned that even as the bride, to me it didn't matter as much as I thought it was.  We picked our venue, which was pretty simple, because it meant we could accommodate all of our family and friends.  Then, my friend got engaged and then married before our wedding.  Her guest list was a lot smaller and that let them have this gorgeous venue at an old mansion.  For a while after I felt bad that our venue wasn't nearly that pretty.  Day of, I didn't notice the decor at our venue any more than I did at hers (during the party).  At least for me, I notice more of a difference when all I'm doing is evaluating a venue and not so much when I'm actually at a party there.

tldr:  Evaluate if the rest can fit in that budget comfortably.  My experience is how pretty a venue is doesn't matter that much.