Wishing I hadn't asked her to be a BM.

shanny8

I've got a dilemma - pretty big, I'd say and I feel awful over it. I got engaged over Memorial Day weekend this year and of course started thinking of who to be in the party. The MOH, BM, JBM and FG I'm happy with, as are they. I told a coworker friend I was engaged and she started pinning on Pinterest and sent me links for ideas. I think I asked because I felt obligated with her already pinning and gathering ideas it was the right thing. Her financial situation is very tight right now. I mentioned I wanted to ask 1 more person but was unsure as I was aware of their money situation. She told me to ask and let them decide. Now, I wish I had thought it over longer and not asked. Is there any way to fix the situation, or is it best to deal?

holyguacamole79

shanny8 said:

I've got a dilemma - pretty big, I'd say and I feel awful over it. I got engaged over Memorial Day weekend this year and of course started thinking of who to be in the party. The MOH, BM, JBM and FG I'm happy with, as are they. I told a coworker friend I was engaged and she started pinning on Pinterest and sent me links for ideas. I think I asked because I felt obligated with her already pinning and gathering ideas it was the right thing. Her financial situation is very tight right now. I mentioned I wanted to ask 1 more person but was unsure as I was aware of their money situation. She told me to ask and let them decide. Now, I wish I had thought it over longer and not asked. Is there any way to fix the situation, or is it best to deal?

Just deal. I'm sure it will all be great.

Viczaesar

shanny8 said:

I've got a dilemma - pretty big, I'd say and I feel awful over it. I got engaged over Memorial Day weekend this year and of course started thinking of who to be in the party. The MOH, BM, JBM and FG I'm happy with, as are they. I told a coworker friend I was engaged and she started pinning on Pinterest and sent me links for ideas. I think I asked because I felt obligated with her already pinning and gathering ideas it was the right thing. Her financial situation is very tight right now. I mentioned I wanted to ask 1 more person but was unsure as I was aware of their money situation. She told me to ask and let them decide. Now, I wish I had thought it over longer and not asked. Is there any way to fix the situation, or is it best to deal?

No, there's no way to kick someone out of your wedding party, at least not without screwing up the relationship and looking like a huge ass.

CMGragain

You asked her.  You cannot un-ask her without being a rude, selfish bride.

JCbride2015

You can't un-ask her.  Her only financial obligation is the dress, and you should ask her budget before choosing the dress-- so it shouldn't be too much of a hardship for her.

Also, reconsider the JBM title.  It doesn't feel good to be told you aren't old enough or special enough to just be a BM.  I've been a JBM twice (age 12-ish) and felt slighted both times.

southernbelle0915

Un-asking her is an etiquette no-no. Lesson learned: just because someone pins things for you on pinterest doesn't mean they'd make a good BM (logic...?). 

Also, the fact that she's your co-worker and you see her every single day would make kicking her out of the wedding party SUPER awkward...

climbingsingle

You can't un-ask her.

smhubbel

Why is it that you regret asking her? Because you two aren't that close? Well, maybe this is an opportunity to become closer since she is obviously interested in the wedding planning. Otherwise, if it is because of her money situation, if she decided to say yes, then it must be something that she feels is important enough for her to spend on. Either way, you don't want to un-ask her. I am sure it will all turn out beautifully.