Moms and Maids

Etiquette on who to bring to final fitting?

Little background on my situation - 1)  My mom passed away when I was 15,   2) The grandmother who helped raise me from the age of 8 is early signs of alzheimers, 3) My bridesmaids are either going to be at work or out of town at the time of my final dress fitting.

I decided to ask my future MIL if she would come with me to see how to lace up the back and how to bustle the dress for me.  Her response was "Well that means I'd be attending the brides dressing before wedding and reception. you could ask rose or jenny...but i guess i could".  This response really caught me off guard because usually she's all about wanting to be involved with things.  I got overly emotional to her response (thinking because of PMS).  I guess I just thought it would be a good bonding experience for us and might make it hurt less that my own mom couldn't be there.  I didn't think it was taboo for the future MIL to see the future bride in her dress before her wedding day.  Am I wrong?  I feel like I've seen plenty of "Say Yes to the Dress" where they were there...

Re: Etiquette on who to bring to final fitting?

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I am sorry that she seems less then thrilled to go with you.  If she doesn't want to go then don't force it.

    Do you have a friend you can take with you?  If not, go buy yourself, make sure your phone is charged and see if you can have someone film the lacing up of the corset and your bustle.  Also get directions from your seamstress for the bustle.

    And no it is not taboo or against etiquette for the FMIL to see you in your dress prior to the wedding.  If she feels that need to follow that silly rule then let her.

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    I'm sorry your FMIL hurt your feelings. There's no rule against the FMIL helping the bride dress for the wedding. It's possible she wants to dress at home and arrive at the wedding with her husband and the groom.

    Do you have an aunt that might enjoy helping you out?


  • My MIL was at my initial shopping appointment.  I guess my marriage is invalid or doomed or in need of an (im)properly done PPD!

    I think it stinks your FMIL may have responded without thinking and I'm sorry you got upset.  I agree with PPs that she may want to be with her child and feels she can't do both.  I second the idea of asking an aunt, or godmother, or another good friend who will be attending you wedding.  I don't think you are limited only to family or those in your wedding party.

  • I'm sorry you're disappointed. Sounds like she's not into going, so I would leave it at that. 

    Is your father in the picture? My dad went with me to pick up my dress and loved it.
  • I second the notion that she may have been planning on being with/closer to her son that day and didn't know how to best word it.  We all get all over the top about the mother/daughter aspect of wedding prep but a mother/son relationship is also incredibly special and maybe she wanted that little bit of extra time with him?
  • Nothing wrong with going to your final fitting alone. You get to make all the final changes, but no one gets to see JUST HOW GOOD it looks until the big day and the big reveal. Fun!

    Achievement Unlocked: Survived Your Wedding! 
  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I understand your concern about someone knowing how to help you with your dress since you cannot get into it on your own. You can always ask a friend who is not a BM to come with you and ask if they can help you on the wedding day.
  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Or, if no one can come with you to that appointment, can you schedule an additional one for a time when your BMs will be in town?

  • I am behind the times when it comes to weddings, there are a lot of new events and new rules that weren't thought of when I was a bridesmaid/bride. I don't think there is any etiquette when it comes to who attends your final fitting. Whoever you ask, who is able to come, that's it. All that is needed is you, the dress, and the fitter!
  • Ah, I see. At first I thought the issue was seeing you in the dress which I thought was odd. But now understanding that her hesitation may not being going but being there while you are getting ready. Even if she is really excited about you joining the family, she may want to be with her husband and son the morning of the wedding or may know she'll need to attend to family who is coming into town for the wedding. I'd bring it up one more time and use Maggie's suggestion above about filming. Say, "I'd love for you to come to the fitting to help me be sure the dress is 100% ready. We'll film the buttoning/bustling so you won't need to be there the morning of the wedding, but it would be fun to have you at the fitting if you are interested." If she says no again, leave it at that and definitely don't take it personally.
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