Wedding Invitations & Paper

Elderly relatives who need an escort

Ok that title might be weird - sorry!  So here's the deal, having a small wedding and trying to keep the count down, not so much for budget but because of the venue (if we go above 70 then they will put a few tables over in another area which would be rude to put only a few people in a separate area so I will not do that, so need to keep it under 70).  Grandma is coming from FL and I want to invite her siblings so she gets to see them.  They're all in their 80s so not a lot of times left.  The problem is the siblings are all about 2 hours from the venue and it is an evening wedding.  Most do not drive anymore and definitely not that far by themselves so they would need someone to take them.  On my mom's list she listed out who she thought would drive them, which was anywhere from 1-3 people per aunt/uncle (these people are my mom's cousins, not really people I see but once every 10 years). If the older relatives did not need an escort I would not be inviting any of mom's cousins, it would just be the Great Aunts/Uncles (none have living spouses anymore).

What do I do about the invites? Do I just invite Great Aunt So-and-So knowing that she will need someone to bring her and I will save an extra spot.  Do I invite her, plus send an invite to the cousin/spouse my mom thinks will bring her, knowing that if Great Aunt doesn't come the other couple still might?  Is there another way to do this?

Just curious how others have handled this type of situation.  thanks!

Re: Elderly relatives who need an escort

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Well I think inviting people because you are assuming that they would be available and willing to drive Great Aunt So and So is a bad idea.  What happens if your Great Aunt says yes but the couple you invited only because they will be driving your Great Aunt can't come?  Will this couple/person even know that they are supposed to bring Great Aunt So and So prior to receiving an invitation?

    I think these are conversations you need to have with those certain people before invites go out. This is family so making arrangements to bring more elderly guests is something that should be discussed.  A plan needs to be made before invites go out.

    I would have your Mom speak to her cousins who she believes would be willing to help get your Great Aunt/Uncles to your wedding.  See what they have to say and go from there.

    Since it is an evening wedding I am guessing these people will need to stay the night, especially if they have a 2 hour drive both there and back.  I would probably offer to pay for a nights stay at the hotel for both the elderly guest as well as the escort.

  • At my wedding, my cousins brought my great aunt.  It ended up ruining the wedding for them.  She whined about where she was seated, that a great uncle's girlfriend was there and got served food first, that one of my girlfriends brought a gay guy as her friend-date, that she was hot, etc.  My cousins had to leave right after food was served when she demanded to be taken home immediately.  Sadly, they are young and fun and would've stayed into the evening to drink and dance.

    I think you have a good heart wanting to try to get these elderly people there, but it may be best to just invite "elderly person name and guest."  Perhaps the old person has a friend from church, etc. that drives.  If you want to start putting word out that certain people may need rides, feel free, but let those people reach out if they're willing to do it.  My cousins kind of got guilted into it by my family, and it ruined the wedding for them.

    Old people love to be included, but they can also be a grumpy PITA.  You've been warned.
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited September 2014

    Wow! Not all elderly people are PITA's. My mom, who is almost 80, spent the night on the dance floor with the bms, at my daughter's wedding.

    Maggie has the right idea. Make some calls to figure out who the care givers are for those elderly aunts and ask if they would be able to accompany the great aunts to your wedding. They will know if their own (most likely) mothers will be happy at an evening  event. Send the invitations to the great aunts and separate invitations to the care givers and their S/Os.

    All wedding guests are responsible for their own travel arrangements and accommodations, even elderly guests and their caregivers, so don't feel badly if you can't put them up for the night.

                       
  • Thanks for the opinions and suggestions :)   I have already reached out to my mom and put the bug in her ear that I'm fine with her plans but will need her to reach out to some of these folks to see how best to accommodate them.  I am leaning toward just inviting Great Aunt + guest type of thing and let them determine who brings them or if mom has a conversation with them then going that route too. I do think we will have a little wiggle room on some extras for caregivers/transportation just need to think it al through

    Thankfully the wedding isn't until May so I have some time

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