My FMIL is paying for the catering at our wedding. When we first came to this agreement, we let her know that based on costs, we were going to get a venue that could fit about 150 people and invite about 120 people so the cost of catering, seating, linens, etc. wasn't too high. That meant that FI and I would have about 80 guests and FMIL would have 40. She agreed. We booked the venue and the catering.
Now she finally sat down and did a preliminary list and is swearing she can't get it below 60-70 people, and that is excluding peoples' children. I got pretty upset about this because we went out of our way for a kid-friendly venue. I said that she has to invite children, she can't just invite the children she likes and leave the rest of our guests stuck getting babysitters, only to show up and see that some kids could come.
Now I'm reflecting on this, as FMIL has apparently been pretty upset. She thinks she should be able to invite as many people as she wants because she's paying for catering. We've said she can invite up to 140 people as we don't want the venue too crowded, but she needs to invite children. She doesn't think that she does. I took kind of a harsh stand about this because I was distressed that she had previously agreed to a certain number of invites, but now she 'couldn't' make that work.
But she is paying for catering. And there have been other things she's already had to give up. Apparently she wanted to stand up beside her son with her husband during the ceremony. Not only did I not want parents up there, my father and grandmother are both pretty ill and likely couldn't manage to stand the whole time so it would just look weird. She bowed out of that rather gracefully as I understand it.
I'm starting to feel like I was unfair in my harsh stance on inviting children. When I see her this weekend I'm going to tell her that, and say that we'll only be inviting children of family. In addition, we'll allow her to invite 60-70 guests to put us at 150ppl. If 100% show it'll be a bit cramped, but that's the venue maximum. Do you think this will help? I feel now that I'm in the wrong and I want to make it right.
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