NWR - Adding to the kids theme

LakeR2014

My DH and I have had the discussion on kids and had it over and over again.   We want kids but after being around our friends with kids or our nieces and nephews we're worried.   We're worried about parents today who seem to take this approach of not disciplining or teaching their children.   Or taking the approach that they're better then the teachers and the school system.  

We see kids who are terrified of everything and who each have a separate meal at dinner time (separate from the parents and separate from each other).   They seem to have no discipline and when problems arise at school - it's the schools fault, not the kids or the parents for never teaching the kid manners.   And on another side we're worried about the parents - do we have to worry about how we discipline, educate, or allow our children to grow, because if another parent doesn't agree with it they'll call the cops?  Example - one local woman recently was arrested for allowing her child to go to the playground two houses down alone at 10 years old.  I did this when I was 7 or younger with my older brother when he was 10.  

We'd love to have kids but are worried we won't be able to teach them and educate them the way we'd like to because if other parents don't agree with it - we could end up with a visit by CPS.   NOTE:  I'm not talking about discipline as in hitting, I'm talking about discipline as in sending a kid to time out - seriously I had a friend yell at another friend because it was 'cruel' to the child. 

That being said I do not want my kids to be raised to think that separate meals will be allowed and that temper tantrums are accepted.   Is anyone else nervous about this?  How do you calm your fears?

sarawifenow

I think that you are thinking too much about what other people are going to think. Sit down with your H and come up with a hypothetical parenting plan. As long as you are both on the same page, you will parent how you see fit and will do a great job at it.

 

I agree with you that it seems that kids are running wild these days and have no manners. Obviously not all kids, but still. FI and I know that when we have kids we will make sure that they are respectful and great kids.

 

There are always "what ifs" in life. Don't let that stop you. Hope this helps!

afox007

It sucks and sadly it happens, but luckily CPS has better things to do than deal with good parents. I've had friends of FSS whose parents threatened to call CPS because I let him walk home from school. Other parents have fought with me in front of him when I said he couldn't spend the night because he was grounded.

It sucks, but so far CPS hasn't come and FSS is way less of a little shit than his friends who have never heard the word no.

lacqueredlover

It's really easy to have ideas about parenting before you have kids.  I thought for sure I knew how I would handle kids, and now being engaged to someone who has kids who I have a role in parenting, my thoughts on it are completely different.

That all being said, stop worrying about what other people think or what other peoples kids do.  For every kid who acts shitty or doesn't listen to their parents, there are a ton that are wonderful and do listen.  My FI's kids have been known to have a tantrum or two and if other people see it, they probably think we are awful but you know what?  They are kids and you can't be a dictator and more often than not they are awesome.  You also don't let your kid starve when they are picky eaters, if his daughter wants to eat a grilled cheese every day for dinner, fine, she will eat it and have veggies with it too.  We are now working on trying new foods but it's a process and as a parent, you learn to deal with it.

Being a parent is wonderful and hard and stressful and awesome and annoying and everything in between.  You take it a day at a time, you try your best to raise good little humans and you do what you and your significant other are comfortable with.  Just remember when the time comes that kids aren't something you can control all or even most of the time and you have to roll with the punches.

KatWAG

You cant worry about how others raise their kids. It has no relevance to how you will raise your kids. If you dont want to cook Little Susie a special meal every night, then dont.

And yes, helicopter parents do seem to be a trend right now. There are also a ton of people who are fighting against that type of parenting mentality also. It just doesnt make for as sexy of a news story.

Don't get hung up on every "what if" situation.

jynxiie

I can relate entirely. 

Fi and I have been talking about kids and one of my concerns are all the children that I know are moody, rude, hit their parents when they're cranky, get their own way kinda kids.... Forgive my ignorance but is this normal children behavior? I was an only child, so I don't have any memories of siblings being awful plus my parents have always told me I was really polite and sweet growing up.

I know teenagers are often known to be pretty rude but these are like 3 - 5 year olds I am talking about. 

Ndelible

I thought I would not be the indulgent parent.  I'm guilty.  Tantrums are hard.  I was balanced, but Kid got spoiled.  Man, I hope he grows out of it and FH is helping me in the regard, having already raised two.  But, it is a whole different ballgame once you have the kid(s).  And you never know what kind you're gonna get.

steph861

LakeR2014 said: My DH and I have had the discussion on kids and had it over and over again.   We want kids but after being around our friends with kids or our nieces and nephews we're worried.   We're worried about parents today who seem to take this approach of not disciplining or teaching their children.   Or taking the approach that they're better then the teachers and the school system.  

We see kids who are terrified of everything and who each have a separate meal at dinner time (separate from the parents and separate from each other).   They seem to have no discipline and when problems arise at school - it's the schools fault, not the kids or the parents for never teaching the kid manners.   And on another side we're worried about the parents - do we have to worry about how we discipline, educate, or allow our children to grow, because if another parent doesn't agree with it they'll call the cops?  Example - one local woman recently was arrested for allowing her child to go to the playground two houses down alone at 10 years old.  I did this when I was 7 or younger with my older brother when he was 10.  

We'd love to have kids but are worried we won't be able to teach them and educate them the way we'd like to because if other parents don't agree with it - we could end up with a visit by CPS.   NOTE:  I'm not talking about discipline as in hitting, I'm talking about discipline as in sending a kid to time out - seriously I had a friend yell at another friend because it was 'cruel' to the child. 

That being said I do not want my kids to be raised to think that separate meals will be allowed and that temper tantrums are accepted.   Is anyone else nervous about this?  How do you calm your fears?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------In my current child-free naivete, I see it as a welcome challenge. It strengthens my convictions and makes me more determined to not raise my future children that way. When I'm actually dealing with a toddler meltdown during dinner, I'll probably feel differently. I've been told that parenting makes hypocrites of us all.

lurkergirl

I'm not too worried about it.  Maybe we're an anomaly, but most of the kids in our lives are actually very polite and well mannered. 

FI and I are on the same page about discipline and have had many conversations about how we want to raise our kids.

Regarding food, I do not plan to have major fights about food.  We aren't going to cook separate meals, and we'll expect our kids to try new things, but we will never force them to eat anything (e.g. "You have to eat ALL the peas." or "You have to finish the entire plate."   I especially hate the idea of having to eat all your supper to get dessert.  (FMIL had this rule for FI, and she has made comments to me when I was "finished" without eating all my food and then had dessert.  Thank goodness I only see her once a year!)