Moms and Maids

MOH/Bridesmaid help!

So my best friend who is my MOH just quit on me 2 days before my wedding because she is mad that I am having my sister stand next to me instead of her. It was a last minute change. I still have my sister who is my other maid of honor but it now makes the numbers between bridesmaids and groomsmen off.

I have some questions regarding this:
What do you do in this situation other than dropping the drama of it?
How did you deal with it if it happened to you?
How should I have the bridesmaids and groomsmen walk down the aisle? (I was thinking to have the last bridesmaid walk with the last 2 groomsmen while the first ones walk normally with 1 bridesmaid and 1 groomsman)


Re: MOH/Bridesmaid help!

  • Jpikey89 said:
    So my best friend who is my MOH just quit on me 2 days before my wedding because she is mad that I am having my sister stand next to me instead of her. It was a last minute change. I still have my sister who is my other maid of honor but it now makes the numbers between bridesmaids and groomsmen off. I have some questions regarding this: What do you do in this situation other than dropping the drama of it? How did you deal with it if it happened to you? How should I have the bridesmaids and groomsmen walk down the aisle? (I was thinking to have the last bridesmaid walk with the last 2 groomsmen while the first ones walk normally with 1 bridesmaid and 1 groomsman)
    Quite apart from the wedding I think you owe your (former?) best friend an apology, if she'll talk to you. If I'm following, you told her she'd be standing next to you and then changed it. That was unnecessary and obviously hurt her feelings if she felt that was enough to drop out over.

    The numbers of bridesmaids v. groomsmen should really be your last concern here.
    image
  • She thinks I took away her title as maid of honor when I didn't. I have 2 maid of honors and yes I do plan on apologizing for the last minute change. At the beginning I had told her she would be standing next to me but the first time she quit (because of my other bridesmaids asking her to help with the wedding shower and whatnot) I started thinking that I needed someone who would actually be there and not give up. It took me some time to realize that I needed my sister to stand next to me and another good deal of time to tell my best friend.

    I know you can have more than one maid of honor and that is where she disagrees with me.
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Jpikey89 said:
    She thinks I took away her title as maid of honor when I didn't. I have 2 maid of honors and yes I do plan on apologizing for the last minute change. At the beginning I had told her she would be standing next to me but the first time she quit (because of my other bridesmaids asking her to help with the wedding shower and whatnot) I started thinking that I needed someone who would actually be there and not give up. It took me some time to realize that I needed my sister to stand next to me and another good deal of time to tell my best friend. I know you can have more than one maid of honor and that is where she disagrees with me.

    So did you "promote" your sister to co-MOH from BM?  Or was your sister always co-MOH?  There is a big difference between the two.  I can see how your friend would feel if you promoted your sister to MOH.  I think you also may have too high of expecatations for your friend being MOH.  All she needs to do is buy the dress and show up.  Anything else (showers & b-parties) are an added bonus, but she is not required to plan them.

    If your sister was always an MOH, I do think your friend is overreacting a bit, but she has a right to her feelings.  My sister & BFF were my co-MOHs, but I think it was always understood that my sister would stand next to me.  It didn't lessen my BFF as a co-MOH in her mind or my mind.

    Keep your parties the same.  Have the last BM walk out with the last two GM or just have the last GM process by himself.  I was a BM where the groom's two brothers were my escort and it worked fine.

    doeydo
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its

    Assuming you haven't demoted or promoted anyone, your friend is acting like a spoiled brat. She's the one who owes an apology for over reacting. Which MOH stands closest to  you is a minor detail that doesn't change the status of your two MOHs. They are (or were) equal.

    If your friend doesn't show up for your wedding, you could have the 'extra' gm walk with the MOH. Have the BM walk, or wait in front with the groom.

                       
    cafarrieloveislouder
  • Jpikey89 said:
    She thinks I took away her title as maid of honor when I didn't. I have 2 maid of honors and yes I do plan on apologizing for the last minute change. At the beginning I had told her she would be standing next to me but the first time she quit (because of my other bridesmaids asking her to help with the wedding shower and whatnot) I started thinking that I needed someone who would actually be there and not give up. It took me some time to realize that I needed my sister to stand next to me and another good deal of time to tell my best friend. I know you can have more than one maid of honor and that is where she disagrees with me.
    What's the background here? Did they truly ask her if she was interested in helping and she flipped her shit, or did they tell her that her portion of the shower was $X and she needed to hand over the cash ASAP?
    [Deleted User]
  • zitiqueen said:
    Jpikey89 said:
    She thinks I took away her title as maid of honor when I didn't. I have 2 maid of honors and yes I do plan on apologizing for the last minute change. At the beginning I had told her she would be standing next to me but the first time she quit (because of my other bridesmaids asking her to help with the wedding shower and whatnot) I started thinking that I needed someone who would actually be there and not give up. It took me some time to realize that I needed my sister to stand next to me and another good deal of time to tell my best friend. I know you can have more than one maid of honor and that is where she disagrees with me.
    What's the background here? Did they truly ask her if she was interested in helping and she flipped her shit, or did they tell her that her portion of the shower was $X and she needed to hand over the cash ASAP?

    THIS.  I would have quit too if people were pestering me about helping with a unnecessary party.
  • Jpikey89Jpikey89 member
    First Comment
    edited October 2014
    Both were MOH from the very beginning. No one was promoted or demoted. Both sister and BF were MOH.

    Wedding shower wise: They did ask her if she could help in any shape or form. She had told them she couldn't spend any amount of money on anything because she had bills to pay and that she basically had no time because of work and school. The other girls had bills as well and did work but did not complain.

    And I did have reason to move my sister to stand next to me. I had explained the reason to her and she had been perfectly fine with it. Or so she had said.

    But I will say things have been cleared up and tomorrow is my wedding. Thank you ladies :)
  • Jpikey89 said:
    Both were MOH from the very beginning. No one was promoted or demoted. Both sister and BF were MOH. Wedding shower wise: They did ask her if she could help in any shape or form. She had told them she couldn't spend any amount of money on anything because she had bills to pay and that she basically had no time because of work and school. The other girls had bills as well and did work but did not complain. And I did have reason to move my sister to stand next to me. I had explained the reason to her and she had been perfectly fine with it. Or so she had said. But I will say things have been cleared up and tomorrow is my wedding. Thank you ladies :)
    What does the bolded have to do with her though? What things other people manage to do in their lives has exactly jack-shit to do with what she can manage to do with her life. She said she couldn't afford to help and couldn't spare the time to help. Did she decide right then and there to quit the very first time they brought it up, or did you and your BMs give her a ration of shit about not helping and not chipping in and then she bailed? Because if the second scenario was the case, she was completely justified.

    Nobody is required to throw you wedding showers or bachelorette parties. Not even members of your bridal party.
  • Well you already said it was cleared up so I hope your wedding day tomorrow is wonderful.

    That said, I am sorry to QUIT your "best friends" wedding because of where you are standing is absurd. Especially in this scenario. I have some amazing friends whom I love dearly but my sister will always come first (as their sisters come first to them).
    image


    Anniversary
  • Well you already said it was cleared up so I hope your wedding day tomorrow is wonderful.

    That said, I am sorry to QUIT your "best friends" wedding because of where you are standing is absurd. Especially in this scenario. I have some amazing friends whom I love dearly but my sister will always come first (as their sisters come first to them).
    Which might have been fine if only OP had done that from the start. But she changed the order after this friend was unable to throw her a shower.
    image
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