Bridesmaids - "Wear Whatever You Want."

MegEn1

Knotties,

Another topic has me thinking, and I'd like to put this to the group. My plan for my BMs was to ask them to wear navy for my navy, maroon, and silver fall wedding. There would be a preference for silver shoes, but if you don't like silver shoes whatever. I'm not picking a dress for them - they can wear whatever they like so long as it's navy. They can even wear a pantsuite! I don't really care.

Now I'm wondering if there's any reason to ask BMs to wear the same color. I know it's kind of tradition but I always thought that it looked a little strange to have eight people in the same outfit. What are the group's thoughts on this? Is there anyone that's done this before?

beethery

I asked my girls to wear whatever would look good next to a tux in grey or navy.

I don't think there's anything wrong with having everybody in the same color if the B&G think it'll look nice. NBD in either direction

[Deleted User]

That's what I'm going to do.  I'm sure my sister is going to be so confused.

"What do you want me to wear."

"A dress."

"What color?  Long or short?"

"Doesn't matter.  Wear whatever you want."

"What are the other bridesmaids wearing?"

"I don't know.  Whatever they want."

"Well, what are your wedding colors?  What's your theme?"

"The theme is Marriage, and I don't really have wedding colors.  Really, wear whatever you want."

sarawifenow

Our BMs are all wearing the same dress. I talked to all of my girls and they said that it was easier and less stressful on them if they knew that they needed to get x dress in y color. So that is what I went with.

levioosa

SaraBrideSoon said:

Our BMs are all wearing the same dress. I talked to all of my girls and they said that it was easier and less stressful on them if they knew that they needed to get x dress in y color. So that is what I went with.

I'm Type A.  It's much easier for me if you ask a budget and stick to it with a dress I know you like (because you've picked it).  Honestly, I know that the whole, "wear whatever you want as long as it's this color!" is supposed to be helpful, but it really just stresses me out.  Instead of just buying the dress, now I have to go try on multiple dresses to find one.  I don't have time for that. 

The last wedding I was in said, "yellow," with no specifications (and yellow is a pretty broad color).  It was horrible.  The only reason it got pulled off was because I bought two dresses just in case (it was a shit show and I was contingency planning).  Day of the wedding the Bride tells my BFF the dress she had originally given her the okay on (in a text picture) was too bright for the rest of the party.  Luckily I had the extra dress so we were good to go.  Not saying that your idea is bad, just giving you an example of how stressful it was for us.    

bumbletiger88

I gave my girls a couple Pantone chips (both coral but on the pinker and more orange sides of the shade- I'm a color chemist so I spend lots of time looking at color) so they'd have something to bring with them while shopping. 

I suggested they find a short dress but with any type of neckline/sleeve style they were most comfortable in. Of the girls who have bought dresses (3 of the 5 have found them so far) they're not the exact same shade but in the same family so I think they'll look great together (basically the Pantones were so that nobody went as far as magenta or blush).

My shoe guideline for them was neutral/nude colored shoes. I suggested wedges or flats because walking in grass is possible, but told them heels were fine too if they wanted.

Honestly, having your girls be happy and comfortable are the most important things regardless of what path you take for picking out attire!

southernbelle0915

I picked a color/fabric, length and designer. They could get whatever style they wanted. They appreciated this because they are all different body types but wanted some direction.

doeydo

If I were one of your bridesmaids, I'd love you.  I could go shopping (or go through my closet) and pick any dress as long as they fall into one of the three colours you specified.  Below are some pictures of the mismatched look:

Bubblegum5586

I think some direction is good, (which OP is thinking with color) but I am not a fan of the pictures above, specifically the last one. I do like the mismatch but same color look! Navy pics:

Ohhh this one looked like the guideline was Navy and lace? This looks beautiful!

cowgirl8238

For our wedding we gave the girls a fabric, approx. length and color and told them to get the style that suited them best.  Four women got four different dresses and it looked great. 

I like the similiar color but different dress look a lot better than wear anything...but thats just me!!!

As a side note, we did a similar thing with the guys, told them anything in the mid-gray spectrum, then got them matching ties to keep some consistency.

novella1186

I gave my bridesmaids paint chips from the hardware store and just said "find a dress you love in any of those colors, no satin, any shoes you want." I want them to like their dresses since they have to spend their own money on it, and I want them to feel comfortable and beautiful, and I want their own personality to show. 

However, I'm neurotic, so that's why I gave them a color palette to work within. I saw a photo once of bridesmaids who were allowed to pick any dress in the world they wanted. One had bright red, one had dark purple, one had orange, etc. It was all over the place and it looked like a total mess. I didn't want the crazy clashing colors. 

Overall, though, I love the look of mismatched dresses. I think it's strange when there's a row of girls that look identical, or are supposed to look identical, all wearing exactly the same thing. Just my personal opinion. 

sarawifenow

levioosa said:

SaraBrideSoon said:

Our BMs are all wearing the same dress. I talked to all of my girls and they said that it was easier and less stressful on them if they knew that they needed to get x dress in y color. So that is what I went with.

I'm Type A.  It's much easier for me if you ask a budget and stick to it with a dress I know you like (because you've picked it).  Honestly, I know that the whole, "wear whatever you want as long as it's this color!" is supposed to be helpful, but it really just stresses me out.  Instead of just buying the dress, now I have to go try on multiple dresses to find one.  I don't have time for that. 

The last wedding I was in said, "yellow," with no specifications (and yellow is a pretty broad color).  It was horrible.  The only reason it got pulled off was because I bought two dresses just in case (it was a shit show and I was contingency planning).  Day of the wedding the Bride tells my BFF the dress she had originally given her the okay on (in a text picture) was too bright for the rest of the party.  Luckily I had the extra dress so we were good to go.  Not saying that your idea is bad, just giving you an example of how stressful it was for us.    

@levioosa-I'm not sure if you are referring to my idea or OP? I didn't give just a color and then said go. My BMs said give us the exact dress you want us to wear and I did? I am confused.

levioosa

SaraBrideSoon said:

levioosa said:

SaraBrideSoon said:

Our BMs are all wearing the same dress. I talked to all of my girls and they said that it was easier and less stressful on them if they knew that they needed to get x dress in y color. So that is what I went with.

I'm Type A.  It's much easier for me if you ask a budget and stick to it with a dress I know you like (because you've picked it).  Honestly, I know that the whole, "wear whatever you want as long as it's this color!" is supposed to be helpful, but it really just stresses me out.  Instead of just buying the dress, now I have to go try on multiple dresses to find one.  I don't have time for that. 

The last wedding I was in said, "yellow," with no specifications (and yellow is a pretty broad color).  It was horrible.  The only reason it got pulled off was because I bought two dresses just in case (it was a shit show and I was contingency planning).  Day of the wedding the Bride tells my BFF the dress she had originally given her the okay on (in a text picture) was too bright for the rest of the party.  Luckily I had the extra dress so we were good to go.  Not saying that your idea is bad, just giving you an example of how stressful it was for us.    

@levioosa-I'm not sure if you are referring to my idea or OP? I didn't give just a color and then said go. My BMs said give us the exact dress you want us to wear and I did? I am confused.

Oh, no, you're misunderstanding me.  Sorry, knotting at work.  I was referring to OP's post in general.  I would prefer a bride to do what you did and give a specific dress to buy within budget.  I was trying to say that the trend of "wear whatever!" is more difficult for me than if a specific dress had been chosen to begin with.  You (SaraBrideSoon) did a great job asking and listening to your girls.  I wish the last wedding I was in had been like that.  

I like structure.  Other girls would love the opportunity to artistically express themselves.  On a personal level, I'm not a fan of completely mismatched dresses in all colors, but I think the whole "same designer, color and material, different cut" looks really good and is equally flattering for every girl.  

sarawifenow

levioosa said:

SaraBrideSoon said:

levioosa said:

SaraBrideSoon said:

Our BMs are all wearing the same dress. I talked to all of my girls and they said that it was easier and less stressful on them if they knew that they needed to get x dress in y color. So that is what I went with.

I'm Type A.  It's much easier for me if you ask a budget and stick to it with a dress I know you like (because you've picked it).  Honestly, I know that the whole, "wear whatever you want as long as it's this color!" is supposed to be helpful, but it really just stresses me out.  Instead of just buying the dress, now I have to go try on multiple dresses to find one.  I don't have time for that. 

The last wedding I was in said, "yellow," with no specifications (and yellow is a pretty broad color).  It was horrible.  The only reason it got pulled off was because I bought two dresses just in case (it was a shit show and I was contingency planning).  Day of the wedding the Bride tells my BFF the dress she had originally given her the okay on (in a text picture) was too bright for the rest of the party.  Luckily I had the extra dress so we were good to go.  Not saying that your idea is bad, just giving you an example of how stressful it was for us.    

@levioosa-I'm not sure if you are referring to my idea or OP? I didn't give just a color and then said go. My BMs said give us the exact dress you want us to wear and I did? I am confused.

Oh, no, you're misunderstanding me.  Sorry, knotting at work.  I was referring to OP's post in general.  I would prefer a bride to do what you did and give a specific dress to buy within budget.  I was trying to say that the trend of "wear whatever!" is more difficult for me than if a specific dress had been chosen to begin with.  You (SaraBrideSoon) did a great job asking and listening to your girls.  I wish the last wedding I was in had been like that.  

I like structure.  Other girls would love the opportunity to artistically express themselves.  On a personal level, I'm not a fan of completely mismatched dresses in all colors, but I think the whole "same designer, color and material, different cut" looks really good and is equally flattering for every girl.  

Ooooooh gotcha! My brain is in weekend mode.

vmj23

I told my girls to wear what they want, within a certain color and they all ended up choosing the same shade but 3 different dresses they felt comfy in.  Even though I told them it didn't matter to me what they wore they all ran their choices by me.    worked out well, everyone had a dress they liked and felt comfy in.  

SachaBee

This is funny to me because my older sister told us (little sister and I, only BMs/MOHs) the same thing..."I don't care what you wear. Wear whatever you like. Pick something you like." Now, my "baby" sister and I look VERY different...different sizes, proportions, she is a full 7 inches shorter than I am...we're actually different races. But we've always had this weird thing about matching. We went on a week-long hiking trip together and bought, in stores across the country from each other, matching pants and rain jacket. So we had identical clothing for a week straight. We even do the matching Christmas sweater nonsense. So when we went on the big fun dress shopping trip, we both gravitated to the same colour, same length, same designer...long story short, we are matching! The only difference is that hers will have two sleeves and mine is one-shouldered. I love assymetry and she is a bit OCD about that. 

The really funny thing is that the groom's sister/Best Woman was thinking of wearing something COMPLETELY different (a suit, per my other post), but I sent her the pictures of our dresses and she really liked them ... so now we might all match. 

So from a bride saying "I literally do not care" comes three matching female attendants, all perfectly happy with that. 

Now, my older sister hates matching with us, so for my wedding I think the situation will be different. So I think it really depends on your bridesmaids. If they seem like they want more direction, let them know you really like navy (or whatever). Or maybe you could still go shopping with the girls and just pick different dresses for each that way. (I know some people hate the big shopping excursion, so it shouldn't be 'required', but others love it, so do what works for you.)

danamw

I only had one girl, the MOH. I told her, any dress. She said "how about the purple dress I wore to my daughter's graduation?"

I said "that will be fine"  Simplest dress choosing ever.

marinaandthewaves

When I in my best friends wedding, there were two Best Women, a groomswoman and two groomsmen. The girls were all just told "blue", and the groomsmen were asked to wear a black or navy suit. In the end, myself and the other Best Woman ended up in two very similar lace, royal blue short dresses, despite the fact that we are completely different shapes (she's a size 8, I'm a size 16), and the groomswoman wore a sky blue skirt-suit. I have to say, we looked pretty awesome. 

falsara

Yea, I'm telling my girls, this is the color, this is the kind of fabric I want, GO! I'm telling the groomswoman, wear a silver dress/ suit/ whatever you are ok with so that the color matches the guys.  Other than the color, I don't care what they wear.

jenna8984

bubblegum1309 said:

I think some direction is good, (which OP is thinking with color) but I am not a fan of the pictures above, specifically the last one. I do like the mismatch but same color look! Navy pics:

 

 

I agree. I'm not even picky (my dresses were polka dot from a dept store) but I think the ones doeydo posted look like a hot mess. They don't all need to be clones with the hair, shoes, cut of the dress but I really think the same color and fabric are the way to go to have some cohesion.

thisismynickname2

To OP's question of, have you done this before.... Yes, I did. I told my maids to get a black dress.

Similar to other posters' responses, it stressed two of the three out. (The third wore something already in her closet.) Frankly, it pissed me off. I know we're all Type-A and everything, but it has got to be the easiest thing in the world to find a black dress.  My MOH thought the blacks would clash and "what about the pictures??"  The other just wanted to be triple-sure I approved of the dress. My refrain kept being, "Looks great! Whatever! No seriously, if you like it, great. No, seriously."

Guess what? The three looked so classy and elegant on the day-of. We got them coordinating hair pieces, and they carried bouquets, of course. Those items were the only things that set them apart as "bridesmaids" which is exactly what I wanted. I'm sorry, but I really dislike that classic bridesmaid look, as it tends to be very boring or even awkward and you can tell it's just dresses the women will never wear again. My bridal party wore dresses to their taste and they looked amazing.  

Bubblegum5586

I actually didn't even mention in my post that I had 6 girls and told them DB's, Royal Blue (well "Horizon") and short. And WOW everyone looked stunning!!! My sister/MOH found a tea length one and hemmed it shorter (ended up loving the dress so much she purchased it again in purple to wear to prom!). Another BM has worn hers at least twice and her husband always requests for her to wear it again as it's his favorite dress on her!

lilacck28

I told mine when they asked early on, "probably short, pastels like peach and mint and blush and periwinkle, not shiny material." I also liked the mismatched look.

FMIL bought FSIL a navy dress for one wedding, and a neon orange floral dress for mine because it was "springy like you said." To avoid conflict, I switched my tune to short and navy.

The navy dress that FSIL had was the exact same navy dress that one of my bridesmaids had recently bought just for fun. So then I had to find a similar dress for bridesmaid #3 because when I told her the "any short pastel dress" bit she freaked out a little. She is also type A and did NOT like choices. She wanted everyone to match, and her initial fear was "what if I look like the odd one out?!". So I found basically the same navy dress for her and bought it, and then she paid me back.

Actually, bridesmaid #2 also didn't want too many choices. They both felt like it was more work that way.

So now I have three just about matching bridesmaids in navy, when I originally wanted three mismatched bridesmaids in pastel colors. Oh well. I'm happy with it. If something happens to one of their dresses though, I'm staying out of it. I will say "okay. short and navy. go. I don't care if you can't find the same dress and you're not matching" ETA: ugh. knot ate my paragraphs.

MegEn1

Hmm.

Thanks for all the responses! Based on what I'm hearing I'm leaning toward sticking with the 'Navy' guideline. Although I LOVE those mismatched pictures, so maybe I'll specify that they can have prints or whatever else as long as some part of it is navy and it matches with navy. Thoughts? I don't want to stress anyone out but I also don't want people to spend too much money. Three of my four bridesmaids will be traveling to participate (if they say yes, haven't asked yet) so I want to make it as easy as possible.

weddingcactus

I believe the original tradition of bridesmaids and groomsmen matching came from Rome where these honored guests dressed identically to the bride and groom to confuse evil spirits. Though that is the origin of the tradition, it now seems to be a means of producing perfectly coordinated wedding photographs. I see absolutely nothing wrong with asking bridesmaids to wear a specific color or even a specific dress (within reason). I think a "navy" guideline would be relatively easy to follow since navy is a relatively flattering color and would be fairly easy to find a dress in the color. If you like the look of having attendants dressed in a coordinated color, then I say go for it! 

MegEn1

doeydo said:

If I were one of your bridesmaids, I'd love you.  I could go shopping (or go through my closet) and pick any dress as long as they fall into one of the three colours you specified.  Below are some pictures of the mismatched look:

Seriously I cannot get over how much I love this. Maybe I tell them my wedding colors (Maroon, Navy, Silver/Gray) and ask them to go nuts? Though maybe just maroon and navy. But I love this - the individuality, the comfort, the naturalness of it all.

graciegra

Navy is also nice because it's super common so it's easy to find options in lots of styles and price points, plus I think it's usually flattering on everyone. (I'm sure someone out there hates themselves in navy but hopefully not your bridesmaids!) 

skyhigh27

I asked my girls to get wear a (non-satin) knee-length black cocktail dress they loved and were comfortable in. They each chose very different styles (one wore long sleeves to cover her tattoos) but looked very elegant.

For a wedding in January that I am in, the bride asked us to get a navy dress of my choosing. Didn't give any indication of fabric choice or length. I ended up buying a knee length boatneck dress I liked and another girl got a floor length strapless satin dress... standing beside each other we look like a clusterf*ck.

abbyj700

I asked my ladies to wear an "awesome little black dress" - it meant something different to them all. We went shopping together and in the end one is wearing this highlow, another in this foxy number with lace and a keyhole back, and another got this sexy backed beauty! My fourth and final bridesmaid is my sister - and to her - a dress is not in her wheelhouse! So her "little black dress" is renting to the super sleek Allure tux we picked for the guys, minus the jacket - but with a burnt red vest and bow tie (as all the ladies are wearing red shoes and carrying red flowers) - while the guys are wearing orange vests and long ties.

To me - all my ladies will look amazing together - and they all got to pick what they defined as an awesome little black dress - so I'll be happy and so will they. 

MegEn1

skyhigh27 said:

I asked my girls to get wear a (non-satin) knee-length black cocktail dress they loved and were comfortable in. They each chose very different styles (one wore long sleeves to cover her tattoos) but looked very elegant.

For a wedding in January that I am in, the bride asked us to get a navy dress of my choosing. Didn't give any indication of fabric choice or length. I ended up buying a knee length boatneck dress I liked and another girl got a floor length strapless satin dress... standing beside each other we look like a clusterf*ck.

Oooh, also a very good point. So it wouldn't be too picky of me to talk to them about the style of dress? Like daytime, not shiny? Is that appropriate to say to BMs?

thisismynickname2

MegEn1 said:

skyhigh27 said:

I asked my girls to get wear a (non-satin) knee-length black cocktail dress they loved and were comfortable in. They each chose very different styles (one wore long sleeves to cover her tattoos) but looked very elegant.

For a wedding in January that I am in, the bride asked us to get a navy dress of my choosing. Didn't give any indication of fabric choice or length. I ended up buying a knee length boatneck dress I liked and another girl got a floor length strapless satin dress... standing beside each other we look like a clusterf*ck.

Oooh, also a very good point. So it wouldn't be too picky of me to talk to them about the style of dress? Like daytime, not shiny? Is that appropriate to say to BMs?

I think it's perfectly fine to indicate something more appropriate for daywear than evening wear. 

Example: my ladies wore black knee-length dresses. When we were taking pictures in a public area, a whole other bridal party showed up (massive- at least 10 attendants per side) and those ladies were all wearing mismatched black.... evening gowns. They looked incredible, but as both our parties were wearing "whatever black dress you want" clearly there was still a major difference.  Yes, indicate level of formality.