Non-religious, church requiring only worship songs during ceremony. Suggestions??

aiakia1

Okay, so a bit about what's going on. Originally, I was planning on having the ceremony in the Universalist Unitarian church by the venue, but the parking lot they rent they can't guarantee until a few days before the wedding...and I didn't want to deal with the stress of finding out a few days in advance that there's no where for my 150 guests to park. So instead, my fiance suggested we do the ceremony in his church. He isn't religious either, but he went to the church as a kid and is still considered a member...and since we're on a budget, it's a better option then having it at the reception site, as they would charge us an additional $750. The church is only $150, plus the donation to the officiant.

I get the paperwork to fill out today, and as I'm reading the fine print, and I read: "Our church views the wedding ceremony as a sacred covenant to be conducted with the dignity and refinement of a worship service. Bizarre innovations or novelties should not be requested. The wedding ceremony is a service of worship, and music appropriate for worship should be used. Secular and popular music can be more appropriately used at the wedding reception."

So, I need some help. I'm what you would call an offbeat bride. I wanted to have some fun during the ceremony. Nothing CRAZY (at least in my mind), but I have video game music played by a string quartet that I was going to play - it "sounds" formal to appease my older relatives, but my nerdy friends would recognize it. Obviously it sounds like this would be a no go. I was also going to write my own vows, and have them be relaxed, funny and sentimental, but they would probably frown on that too. I had some other little ideas, but from the wording of their form, they would probably consider them inappropriate for the worship service that is supposed to be my ceremony.

What I need are suggestions... should I be on the hunt for another ceremony location? Is there a way to have a "religious" ceremony and not feel totally uncomfortable? Are there any worship songs that aren't so...worshipy? Thanks everyone!

CMGragain

Find another ceremony location.  You don't need a church.  Just out of curiosity, what IS the denomination of your FI's church?

climbingsingle

Find a different ceremony spot.

I'm not religious and there's no way I would ever get married in a church. That just doesn't feel right.

MobKaz

aiakia1 said:

Okay, so a bit about what's going on. Originally, I was planning on having the ceremony in the Universalist Unitarian church by the venue, but the parking lot they rent they can't guarantee until a few days before the wedding...and I didn't want to deal with the stress of finding out a few days in advance that there's no where for my 150 guests to park. So instead, my fiance suggested we do the ceremony in his church. He isn't religious either, but he went to the church as a kid and is still considered a member...and since we're on a budget, it's a better option then having it at the reception site, as they would charge us an additional $750. The church is only $150, plus the donation to the officiant.

I get the paperwork to fill out today, and as I'm reading the fine print, and I read: "Our church views the wedding ceremony as a sacred covenant to be conducted with the dignity and refinement of a worship service. Bizarre innovations or novelties should not be requested. The wedding ceremony is a service of worship, and music appropriate for worship should be used. Secular and popular music can be more appropriately used at the wedding reception."

So, I need some help. I'm what you would call an offbeat bride. I wanted to have some fun during the ceremony. Nothing CRAZY (at least in my mind), but I have video game music played by a string quartet that I was going to play - it "sounds" formal to appease my older relatives, but my nerdy friends would recognize it. Obviously it sounds like this would be a no go. I was also going to write my own vows, and have them be relaxed, funny and sentimental, but they would probably frown on that too. I had some other little ideas, but from the wording of their form, they would probably consider them inappropriate for the worship service that is supposed to be my ceremony.

What I need are suggestions... should I be on the hunt for another ceremony location? Is there a way to have a "religious" ceremony and not feel totally uncomfortable? Are there any worship songs that aren't so...worshipy? Thanks everyone!

It makes no sense for two non-religious people to marry in a church.  Frankly, if one of your main reasons for doing so is budgetary, that is actually disrespectful.  On that basis alone I would encourage you to find an actual venue in which to hold your ceremony.  I would never consider a church a venue.  There is a reason that a church has guidelines for religious ceremonies.  It is, after all, a religious house of worship. 

aiakia1

MobKaz said:

aiakia1 said:

Okay, so a bit about what's going on. Originally, I was planning on having the ceremony in the Universalist Unitarian church by the venue, but the parking lot they rent they can't guarantee until a few days before the wedding...and I didn't want to deal with the stress of finding out a few days in advance that there's no where for my 150 guests to park. So instead, my fiance suggested we do the ceremony in his church. He isn't religious either, but he went to the church as a kid and is still considered a member...and since we're on a budget, it's a better option then having it at the reception site, as they would charge us an additional $750. The church is only $150, plus the donation to the officiant.

I get the paperwork to fill out today, and as I'm reading the fine print, and I read: "Our church views the wedding ceremony as a sacred covenant to be conducted with the dignity and refinement of a worship service. Bizarre innovations or novelties should not be requested. The wedding ceremony is a service of worship, and music appropriate for worship should be used. Secular and popular music can be more appropriately used at the wedding reception."

So, I need some help. I'm what you would call an offbeat bride. I wanted to have some fun during the ceremony. Nothing CRAZY (at least in my mind), but I have video game music played by a string quartet that I was going to play - it "sounds" formal to appease my older relatives, but my nerdy friends would recognize it. Obviously it sounds like this would be a no go. I was also going to write my own vows, and have them be relaxed, funny and sentimental, but they would probably frown on that too. I had some other little ideas, but from the wording of their form, they would probably consider them inappropriate for the worship service that is supposed to be my ceremony.

What I need are suggestions... should I be on the hunt for another ceremony location? Is there a way to have a "religious" ceremony and not feel totally uncomfortable? Are there any worship songs that aren't so...worshipy? Thanks everyone!

It makes no sense for two non-religious people to marry in a church.  Frankly, if one of your main reasons for doing so is budgetary, that is actually disrespectful.  On that basis alone I would encourage you to find an actual venue in which to hold your ceremony.  I would never consider a church a venue.  There is a reason that a church has guidelines for religious ceremonies.  It is, after all, a religious house of worship. 

That's kind of what I'm thinking... The Universalist Unitarian Church pretty much aligns with our beliefs, so that would have been fine. My FI's old church is the East Fairview Church of the Brethren, and I would have been fine with some religious bits...but very much seems like it is entirely religious and anything remotely secular is super frowned upon...

If it were my choice, I'd just go to the court house to get married and have the reception... but my parents are adamant about seeing me "walk down the aisle." So looks like I'll need to find another ceremony location!

CMGragain

Church of the Bretheran is related to the Menonites.  They are a pacifist faith, and are quite strict.  I don't recommend you get married there.   (My great grandmother was a CoB.  She married an Irish Catholic!)

holyguacamole79

I'd find another venue. I had a Catholic wedding Mass and used some more modern worship music, but if you, your FI, and your guests aren't Christian, I don't think anyone will be comfortable or think it's "you."

artbyallie

Is getting married at your reception venue an option?

cafarrie

IMO you should pay the extra fee and get married at your reception venue.  

Just out of curiousity....if the Unitarian church parking lot ended up not being available is there enough parking around it (street, ramps, etc.) that it would end up being fine? 

graciegra

The $150 plus donation to officiant is less than the $750 but with that donation, it may not be a lot less. Consider doing the wedding at your reception venue. 

Reconsider the UU church- what if you came up with your plan B for the parking lot now? 

Lastly, if you go with this church, you can have the religious music played instrumentally but since it's really not just the music but the whole ceremony that you'd like to not be religious and be able to customize, holding your ceremony may make the most sense. 

lovesclimbing

Honestly, I would probably find another venue.  

Churches have rules. We wanted to dance at our reception. We didn't have the money to spend on another reception site, so we had our reception in the church hall. The church did not allow dancing, so we didn't dance. We didn't even ask if they could make an exception for us.

With that type of language, they may allow some classical music.  I would ask to get that clarified because that may mean classical is OK.  Many places deem classical appropriate for worship.  In fact, I have some friends who only listen to classical music.  They don't even listen to modern worship music because they feel it has it's roots in music that was originally developed from secular roots or is music that was originally designed to be secular/non Godly.  (Probably not phrasing that well.)

emmaaa

I would find another venue. honestly, I find it a bit rude that two non-religous people want to get married in a church to save a few bucks.

Jen4948

emmaaa said:

I would find another venue. honestly, I find it a bit rude that two non-religous people want to get married in a church to save a few bucks.

So would I.  If you want to play your own music, etc., then you need to find a venue that allows you to do that rather than complain about the religious restrictions of a house of worship when you're not a believer.