Suprise Party for hubby, kids or no kids?

shanliann

((I am sorry for my numerous posts about this party!!))

Having a surprise party for my hubby for his 30th birthday, the location isn't 100% yet but I am pretty sure it is going to be at a bar and grill, so it is kid friendly.

My question is, do I want kids there? We have no kids of our own, so the kids would be nieces and nephews, ranging in age from 4 to 15.

It would be about 7-15 kids depending.

I'm wondering if, after the party we will want to go out elsewhere and having kids there will make that not happen because it would be too complicated.

Or if we stay at the party location for a few hours and are all drinking.....

I am pretty sure I am overthinking this, but for our wedding we picked a downtown location and one of the reasons was after the reception we could go out and walk to plenty of bars and no one would have to do any driving, well out of the 6 "party" couples 2 of them didn't get a babysitter, so instead of going out we all ended up hanging out at the hotel and ordering pizza. Boo, I wanted to wear my dress longer!!! haha

Anyway Opinions on kids being invited are appreciated!!!

Maggie0829

Well it really comes down to what type of party you want to have.  Do you want a family friendly, laid back party?  Or do you want a more adult, drink the night away party?

Personally, for a surprise 30th birthday I would aim for more of an adult party atmosphere.

But what about your H?  What do you think he would prefer?

AddieCake

Ditto Maggie. Depends what kind of party you are looking to throw and what would be most favorable to your husband.

theartistformerlyknownas

What would your husband want? With us, I'm the drinker while he likes to include his 9yo brother. Does your husband normally like to go for after dinner drinks? Does he like spending free time with nieces and nephews?

shanliann

This is why I am torn....he is both...if that is possible.

He is very much a family guy, all about his nieces and nephews, and family in general more so then any guy I know.

But he loves to "party" and spend time with his siblings and drink. He still from time to time brings up being bummed about not going out after our wedding, which was 2 years ago.....

shanliann

The thing is, everyone in the family lives in the country, so everyone will be driving into the "city" for the party, so letting the kids visit for a couple hours and then running them home or to the baby sitters isn't an option

theartistformerlyknownas

Are you willing to have his siblings decline if they can't find a sitter for the kids? Or just go to the after party with local,non-parent friends and let the siblings/kids go home?

shanliann

Well, Personally, If any siblings don't show up I will be pretty darn angry(unless they have a real reason)  Finding a sitter is not a excuse when it is your brothers birthday, plus I know they all have sitters. Really only 1 of them needs a sitter, the other 3 siblings have kids they consider old enough to be left home alone....and the one that needs a sitter, will have a sitter.

ohannabelle

shanliann said:

Well, Personally, If any siblings don't show up I will be pretty darn angry(unless they have a real reason)  Finding a sitter is not a excuse when it is your brothers birthday, plus I know they all have sitters. Really only 1 of them needs a sitter, the other 3 siblings have kids they consider old enough to be left home alone....and the one that needs a sitter, will have a sitter.

Yes, finding a sitter is a real reason. 

STARMOON44

It sounds like you don't want kids there, so don't invite them. It's really that simple.

shanliann

Finding a sitter is not a real reason for the people I am speaking of. For other people yes I 100% agree, for these people, no I will probably flip crap if they try to use that excuse.

bethsmiles

It sounds like you'd rather the party be adults only. If you don't think finding a sitter will be a problem for anyone then just plan the party to be an adult night out.

ETA: Honestly, it's best not to decide other people's should lives revolve around a party you are throwing (whether it's a wedding or a birthday party). Yes, a birthday is often a good reason to party but there are a lot of things people could prioritize above a birthday party.

theartistformerlyknownas

Just because they normally have a sitter doesn't mean the sitter is available that night. The sitter has a life, too. Or the parents may decide to skip out on the adults-only party and use their trip into town to visit as a family instead. You shouldn't hold it against them if they choose not to come to an adults-only (or any) party. I only mentioned that because if their presence is that super necessary, it's best to extend the invite to everyone and let them decide whether or not they want to bring the kids.

shanliann

I guess what I'm saying is the sitter situation doesn't effect my decision. If these families can leave there kids home alone for every other reason(which I don't personally agree with but they are not my kids) then they really have no leg to stand on using that excuse. When 14 year olds are left alone over night while the parents are an hour and a half away, then the 14 year old can stay home alone for 5, 6, 7 hours while the parents are 20 minutes way.

The only family that doesn't often leave there kids home alone 4 and 8 year old, the kids are  NEVER with the parents on the weekends, they also stay with grandparents(other side of family) or aunt and uncle (other side of the family) even when the kids birthday fell on a Saturday, he was at his grandparents house. Again, if by some strange reason, for the first weekend, in, 5+ years, both grandparents and aunt and uncle have plans, I get it, but cmon what are the odds....

theartistformerlyknownas

shanliann said:

I guess what I'm saying is the sitter situation doesn't effect my decision. If these families can leave there kids home alone for every other reason(which I don't personally agree with but they are not my kids) then they really have no leg to stand on using that excuse. When 14 year olds are left alone over night while the parents are an hour and a half away, then the 14 year old can stay home alone for 5, 6, 7 hours while the parents are 20 minutes way.

The only family that doesn't often leave there kids home alone 4 and 8 year old, the kids are  NEVER with the parents on the weekends, they also stay with grandparents(other side of family) or aunt and uncle (other side of the family) even when the kids birthday fell on a Saturday, he was at his grandparents house. Again, if by some strange reason, for the first weekend, in, 5+ years, both grandparents and aunt and uncle have plans, I get it, but cmon what are the odds....

Sounds like you should just not invite any of them since you have such disdain for your husband's siblings and their choices. Or maybe invite them all and you stay home; spare them all from the self-righteous judgement. 

Nobody needs a leg to stand on or an excuse for declining a party invitation. Ever. It's not a summons.

penguin44

lolo883 said:

shanliann said:

I guess what I'm saying is the sitter situation doesn't effect my decision. If these families can leave there kids home alone for every other reason(which I don't personally agree with but they are not my kids) then they really have no leg to stand on using that excuse. When 14 year olds are left alone over night while the parents are an hour and a half away, then the 14 year old can stay home alone for 5, 6, 7 hours while the parents are 20 minutes way.

The only family that doesn't often leave there kids home alone 4 and 8 year old, the kids are  NEVER with the parents on the weekends, they also stay with grandparents(other side of family) or aunt and uncle (other side of the family) even when the kids birthday fell on a Saturday, he was at his grandparents house. Again, if by some strange reason, for the first weekend, in, 5+ years, both grandparents and aunt and uncle have plans, I get it, but cmon what are the odds....

Sounds like you should just not invite any of them since you have such disdain for your husband's siblings and their choices. Or maybe invite them all and you stay home; spare them all from the self-righteous judgement. 

Nobody needs a leg to stand on or an excuse for declining a party invitation. Ever. It's not a summons.

It seems like you really want these people that you don't like to come to this party. 

loro929

Yeah, I mean if you don't want kids at a surprise 30th birthday party, I totally get it, but then it's quite simple. Don't invite them.

However, if some of the invitees can't find a babysitter, I think its a bit out of line for you to get "pretty darn angry". It is a real reason for many people to not be able to attend any event. When you have kids, they come first, not your surprise party.

ShellD13

While I don't agree with how you seem to be judging your in-laws for their choices, I do understand the dilemma of kids vs. no kids, babysitter, etc...

So as a compromise since this is a big birthday for your husband would it be an option for you to locate and pay for a babysitter at a central "in the city" location - not sure where you live but maybe even offer up your apartment if you are centrally located to the party location?  You mentioned that is is 7 - 15 kids and the age range is 4 - 15.  Not sure how many are in the 13+ age range but it might even be possible to entice the older ones to babysit for the younger ones.  Or maybe hire one college student/older teen to supervise with the understanding that the 13+ yo are their helper(s) for the evening.

Just trying to find a compromise that might work for everyone.

eta: to clarify that if you decide to find/offer the babysitter you need to be the one to pay for it.

shanliann

What I am saying is, with these particular 5 families, who I know fairly well, the babysitter excuse isn't valid in my eyes. I've never heard this excuse from any of them, and never seen them not at an event due to the baby sitter issue. I have plenty of friends that have baby sitter issues, and I totally understand that it is a valid reason, I just don't feel it valid with these particular families.

As far as hiring a babysitter I had though about that, I even thought of renting a couple hotel rooms and having a sitter so the kids could swim, etc however my concern (and yes I am aware I am probably over thinking this) but if the kids are all at a sitter in town, then after a night of partying and drinking, parents are going to pick up there kids and drive all the way home with the kids in the car.  That is just one of my pet peeves. If you chose to drink and drive, I cant control it, but to put helpless lives in a vehicle with you, is just a major no no to me.

shanliann

Ultimately my dilemma is that I want the hubby to have the best party possible and I know much his family means to him and how much he enjoys partying with them....

theartistformerlyknownas

shanliann said:

What I am saying is, with these particular 5 families, who I know fairly well, the babysitter excuse isn't valid in my eyes. I've never heard this excuse from any of them, and never seen them not at an event due to the baby sitter issue. I have plenty of friends that have baby sitter issues, and I totally understand that it is a valid reason, I just don't feel it valid with these particular families.

As far as hiring a babysitter I had though about that, I even thought of renting a couple hotel rooms and having a sitter so the kids could swim, etc however my concern (and yes I am aware I am probably over thinking this) but if the kids are all at a sitter in town, then after a night of partying and drinking, parents are going to pick up there kids and drive all the way home with the kids in the car.  That is just one of my pet peeves. If you chose to drink and drive, I cant control it, but to put helpless lives in a vehicle with you, is just a major no no to me.

So the innocent drivers in the other cars on the road, they're fair game?

Anyway, I don't know what you expect us to tell you. I get the impression that you really don't want the kids there because you want to party but fear your husband would enjoy having the whole families there more. That's a choice only you can make.

And seriously stop with the judgment toward these people. There's a first time for everything.

shanliann

Um no, the other drivers are on the road are not fair game.

If you knew me, you would know I am 500000% against any amount of alcohol and driving.

I don't even have a glass of wine and drive.

We had our wedding at a hotel, just specifically for the reason of ease of no driving.

However I have learned that I can not control other peoples decisions. As much I'd like to when it comes to this subject, I can't save the world.

Our small town just lost 2 boys ages 21 and 22, who had been drinking but were being driven by a dd, and they were hit by a drunk driver who had been previously convicted of dui. Heartbreaking.

I truly don't care if the kids are there or not, it doesn't matter to be a single bit, I would like to hope my hubby will have a great time either way, I just don't want a repeat of our wedding night where 1 or 2 kids ruin everyones nights.

theartistformerlyknownas

Seriously you think these kids ruined your wedding night? It certainly sounds like you mind them being there. Don't freaking invite them, they'll surely have a better time not hanging out with Aunt Ratchet.

pinkcow13

I think you're overthinking this.The parents will figure out whether or not to bring the kids, and what to do with them after if they do.

FI and I don't have kids. FI is a family guy, and while neither of us have siblings, he has a lot of little cousins. I threw him a surprise 27th bday party a few years ago, and invited some friends and his cousins. I will admit that my personal preference would have been to have it be an adult event since it was dinner at a nice restaurant, followed by drinks at my(at the time) place. I just thought that it didn't seem like a kid friendly night, and that they might be bored. But, I let his cousins figure it out, I sent open invitations. His cousin texted me asking if she could bring her kid, and I told her that they were totally welcome. Word spread amongst the fam that kids were welcome. In the end, 3 of his little cousins went to the dinner, and they had fun with themselves. The adults had a great time, and at the end of the dinner his cousins with the kids decided to go home, while some people came to my place for drinks. Everyone had a blast.

shanliann

I am pretty sure you have taken everything I said out of context.

I guess I need to spell it all out for you....

We were so grateful for each and every person, old and young, who was a part of our wedding day. Leading up to our day numerous conversations were held about going out after our reception, being able to walk from the recepetion, to the bars, and back to the hotel, etc.

Many couples arranged baby sitting, be it Grandparents who came and picked up kids from the reception, or parents who simply arranged a ride home for the older kids who could go home and be alone for a few hours.

After the reception was over, 2 couples who had rooms and were staying the night, didn't have sitters. Those of us who planned to go out and had sitters or no kids, ended up hanging out at the hotel with the adults who had no sitter.

It was a disappointment to both my husband and I, since going out post reception was in the plan for 2 years, however as adults, we chose to make the decision to not leave certain couples, groups, out and stay at the hotel and be with everyone.

Aunt Ratchet loves her nieces and nephews and enjoys all the time she spends with them however, Aunt Ratchet enjoys adult time too.

Aunt Ratchet also originally thought of having this party at a local bowling alley/martini bar and was so excited to include everyone of all ages but that location isn't available for my needs.

Sincerely,

Aunt Ratchet

shanliann

pinkcow13 - thank you so much for your experience comments! I agree with you I probably am over thinking it, however I over think everything so why should this be any different.

I am going to double check with the party site to make sure they are always all ages. If they have a rule like "no kids after 9pm" then I will just go no kids otherwise it can be the parents decision.....I also just had the thought that one of the kids (well 3 in particular) would ruin the surprise before the party..........

ohannabelle

I suggest large doses of Valium as party favors.

I'm ready for some right now, and I'm not even invited.

shanliann

I guess what you read about the bitches on this site really is true. Wow. I suggest you all get your head out of your self-centered stuck up asses and grow up!!

theartistformerlyknownas

Seriously, you're calling us stuck up? There was no other context in which to take your posts. I don't know you from Adam but in every post you made it clear you don't enjoy these kids' company. You don't have to like kids, just own it. And don't fucking call my momma slothie names, or fear the wrath of the sloth farm. And it's against TOS.

shanliann said:

I guess what you read about the bitches on this site really is true. Wow. I suggest you all get your head out of your self-centered stuck up asses and grow up!!

lc07

I think I stopped caring about my birthday and wanting the world to stop for it when I was, like, 10.

ohannabelle

But it really is true, about the evil women on the knot.

Recently, there was this one girl on here, and she was just absolutely out of control obsessing frothing at the mouth about....get this....a frikking birthday party.

 You'd have thought it was a life or death summons, to hear it. "I WILL LOSE MY SHIT IF HIS SIBLINGS DON'T COME, BECAUSE I HAVE DECREED IT," and when it was suggested that having to find a babysitter might cut down the guest count, she was all  "THEY HAVE BABYSITTERS AND I AM ALL KNOWING AND SEE THE FUTURE! THEY WILL BE AVAILABLE!"  but at the same time, just spoke about the invitees with utter contempt. Oh, and the kids RUINED her wedding. Not sure how that happened, but I'm guessing they must have poisoned the officiant, wiped their asses on the dress,and canceled the caterer. 

It was very life and death dramatic. So yes, it's true. You see all kinds of people on the knot that need to grow the fuck up.