Dear Prudence,
I am a single man in my late 50s. I was married twice for a total of 25 years, during which time I was always faithful. In addition to my marriages, both before and after, I’ve had a normal and healthy sex life. I started seeing a lovely woman a few months ago, and we agreed, given that we are both adults with sexual histories, that it would be appropriate if we each got tested for STDs. It turns out that somewhere along the line I have been exposed to both Herpes 1 and 2 (oral and genital), although I have never in my life been symptomatic. I obviously have no idea when or with whom I might have been exposed to either of these viruses. My lady friend and I are dealing with this news responsibly. Here’s my question: Do I have an ethical obligation to inform my previous partners? Do they have a right to know, even if knowing wouldn’t necessarily change anything that they do now or in the future? It would make for a series of very uncomfortable conversations with these ladies. I’ve thought about sending them each an anonymous letter suggesting that they get tested, but that seems more like avoiding any unpleasantness for me. Your thoughts would be welcome.
—Shoulda Been More Careful