Moms and Maids

FMIL takes bridal suite!

edited November 2014 in Moms and Maids
Sorry in advanced for the long post.
So a few weeks ago my future mother-in-law visited for a ladies lunch and got to have a tour of our venue. While to make a long story short while on the tour she saw the  bridal suite and decided that this was going to be  "her room" and booked it a few days later as she texted me and said rooms are booked. She said it would give a place for grandchildren to hang out if they get bored at the reception and need a break and she is staying for several nights. She has offered to pay for our room the night of the wedding, an ordinary suite down the hall. So basically our wedding night she will have the bridal suite and my fiance and I a regular guest room. My grandmother and mother where in shock when she announced this, but kept their mouths shut when she announced "this room is mine!". I briefly talked to my fiance about it and he said well it's just one night for us and all the rooms are pretty. He said he understood her want for a place for a "grandchildren hang out" and didn't want to argue and deal with her wrath at the time as we are dealing with moving and changes in jobs etc and would handle it later. I didn't want to push the argument at the time as she was still around as well. Now that it has been a few weeks I have been thinking about it, told one of my bridesmaids about it who is also shocked and my grandmother brought it up to me tonight. I know it is wrong, but I don't want World War 3 but to be honest I am hurt!:( My FMIL is known to be selfish and we have had to stand up to her several times already about our wedding but this is just too far! What should I do?
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Re: FMIL takes bridal suite!

  • Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 Deep in the Heart of Texas member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Wow it's rude. But, Idk if you can say anything. Look for some place else to stay.

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  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    It's a dick move. Don't say anything because you don't need to start shit with her selfish ass right now. Find somewhere else cool to stay and pay for it yourself. That'll start it's own set of fireworks, but at least she can't throw paying for your room in your face.
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

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    OliveOilsMom
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    While it sounds like you guys need to be firm on boundaries with your FMIL, this isn't the time to do it. It's a dick move, to be sure, but you're not going to gain much by fighting her on it.  I agree with PPs.  Book your own room and pay for it yourself.  


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    novella1186weddingcactus
  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I would suggest just getting over it but do you need that space for getting ready? I had a pretty packed room between 4 bridesmaids, my mom, myself, two hair stylists and a makeup artist. A regular room would not have been large enough.
  • I agree with PPs. This sucks but I don't think it is a hill I would die on... unless it really affected your pre-wedding preparations (i.e. if you were planning to get ready there and now can't because you won't fit somewhere else as @lc07 said). 

    Even so, I would talk to her and see what she thought, maybe she already took all of this into consideration and was trying to do you a favor by reserving it (playing devil's advocate)?

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  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    If there another hotel book there!!!
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    banana468AlexaF2014MairePoppy
  • Cam you get a bridal suite in a nearby place? Talk to the hotel and explain the situation. Maybe they'll try to help.
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    beethery said:
    It's a dick move. Don't say anything because you don't need to start shit with her selfish ass right now. Find somewhere else cool to stay and pay for it yourself. That'll start it's own set of fireworks, but at least she can't throw paying for your room in your face.
    This. 
  • Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 Deep in the Heart of Texas member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Is this the bridal suite for getting ready with your bridesmaids? No one needs to be in there, not during the reception either. You will have gifts in there maybe, and if it was like mine, a bunch of jewelry we decided between at the last minute plus a bunch of panties bras spend all over the floor. Suitcases were open. Children do NOT need to be there.


    If this is the wedding night suite as in your sleeping there, what the hell this is your wedding night! I understand you might be so tired you just fall asleep, but DH and I didn't. We loved that we had a fancy room we normally would never have. If a special room is important to you, stand up for it. Find another place or even talk to the management of this hotel and explain what kind of room you want and why, if they have something close available. Personally I would not have been happy with a regular guest room. This is one moment where I say you can do WHATEVER YOU LIKE. It doesn't hurt your guests to leave the premises afterwards to a "secret location" to be together on your wedding night. Do what you want.

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    doeydo
  • Ugh. My parents did this to me. Actually it was my dad; he's really selfish and thought he needed the biggest nicest suite in case "his friends wanted to have a party there." 

    I tried to just book my room at a different hotel, and my mom took this as me purposely trying to avoid her on my wedding day and she flipped out and started crying. (Because of course everything I do or say is all about them, right?) 

    I'm sorry your FMIL did this. Obviously I know how completely annoying it is, but as someone who went through a shit-storm of drama over a room, I now realize that I shouldn't even have let it bother me. I like PPs advice for if you need space for getting ready, and also that you should go to a different hotel where you won't even have to see FMIL. Bonus! But don't fight with her over it. In the end, you won't "win" and it won't be worth it. The drama will be exhausting and you'll be the bad guy. 
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  • lovegood90lovegood90 Ontario member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Oof, that's so strange and rude! I agree with PPs about just booking your own room at another hotel. Also, I would store your gifts/getting ready things in your own room as well in case children end up hanging out there and things get accidentally lost or something.

    Formerly martha1818

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  • blabla89blabla89 Atlanta member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    UO here, I don't think it's that big of a deal. It's just a room. In the grand scheme of things, you won't remember what your room looked like or care whether it was the biggest one in the place, you'll remember it was your WEDDING NIGHT and nobody could bring you down. My dad ended up getting the suite that I was supposed to have (the same size as mine, but on its own floor rather than right in the middle of the room block) but he did need the space for hosting extended family, and when he got to the hotel 2 hours before me and "his" room wasn't ready, he needed it for my step-grandma to go rest in. Whatever. I got over it, no fucks given, until the wedding night when plenty of fucks were given and received in our room despite sharing walls with guests. Sorry not sorry.

    I agree, the room itself isn't a big deal. But FMIL feeling entitled to the room and not even asking the B&G how they felt about it...I can understand why that would make OP feel ragey.
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    huskypuppy14
  • blabla89 said:
    UO here, I don't think it's that big of a deal. It's just a room. In the grand scheme of things, you won't remember what your room looked like or care whether it was the biggest one in the place, you'll remember it was your WEDDING NIGHT and nobody could bring you down. My dad ended up getting the suite that I was supposed to have (the same size as mine, but on its own floor rather than right in the middle of the room block) but he did need the space for hosting extended family, and when he got to the hotel 2 hours before me and "his" room wasn't ready, he needed it for my step-grandma to go rest in. Whatever. I got over it, no fucks given, until the wedding night when plenty of fucks were given and received in our room despite sharing walls with guests. Sorry not sorry.

    I agree, the room itself isn't a big deal. But FMIL feeling entitled to the room and not even asking the B&G how they felt about it...I can understand why that would make OP feel ragey.
    Yeah to me, when my dad did this, is wan't about which specific room I would sleep in. It was the sense of entitlement, the selfishness, and the total disregard of the fact that this is MY and FI's wedding day, not his. But yet it's all about him. (He's said and done a ton of things to lead me to these comnents) 
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    esstee33
  • smalfrie19smalfrie19 Home of SB XLVIII Champs member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    I don't think the suite is that big of a deal. I didn't have a bridal suite. I had the yacht club bathroom that the girls and I got ready in. Oh and my wedding night? Was spent in my own bed with my new husband.


    If people know their family is entitled and self important, I don't really think that is going to change for your wedding day. God knows the overbearing things about my family didn't change for my wedding day.
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  • phiraphira Bahstin member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    So ...

    I think that FMIL is a bit wacky, but it's just a hotel room. If you need to rent a suite because you need the size of the room, then ask the hotel if they have any other suites available. Let them know that you're getting married and need the room both for getting ready and for the wedding night. If they don't have anything available, now that the bridal suite is booked, then find another hotel.

    Again, I would be really super irritated in your shoes. It's irritating--the bridal suite is supposed to be for couples getting married--it's all in the name, right there. And she clearly doesn't need that particular room. But there's nothing that can be done about it.

    Imagine if someone had booked it for your wedding night and you didn't know them at all. You wouldn't be able to get the room from that person. So treat this situation the same way.
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  • sarahuflsarahufl New York member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    UO here as well.....you should have reserved it before she did.

    The hotel is fair game.
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    What does UO mean?
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  • emmaaaemmaaa North Carolina mod
    Moderator 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    What does UO mean?
    Unpopular Opinion 

  • The first thing my FI and I are going to do when we get our hotel block is book the room we want before we tell anyone else where it is so we don't run into the issue of someone else booking it.

    that was pretty rude of your FMIL but nothing to do about it now.  You knew she was selfish so you guys probably should have booked the room you wanted once you knew where you would be staying. Just say to yourself "well at least she's consistent in being selfish and in the future, don't expect her to be anything but that" and move on.  If you guys are doing your wedding night right, the room you're in won't matter ;-)
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  • Definitely a selfish bitchy  move - and she probably knows it.  Don't say a word about it but get a room somewhere else.  It is sad to think you have to keep things a secret to get what you need.  It would never ever occured to me to take the bridal suite from my girls.  Let this be a lesson to you that you need to be proactive and quiet about everything for the rest of your days.

    I do hope you will come back and update us with your plans for a different hotel.

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Yeah, that's sucky.  I'd be willing to bet it has nothing to do with the space or her grandchildren but wanting to provoke you.

    You can ignore it or find another space.  But if you get defensive about your decisions, she'll win this stupid power game she's trying to play.

    Best of luck!
  • This is a major hotel screw up and it is up to the venue to fix it.  They NEVER should have reserved the bridal suite for anybody other than the bride and groom.  Now, it is up to them to fix it.  They can either A) call fmil and say that THEY realized an error and it needs to be fixed or B) pay for you and hubby to stay in an EQUAL or BETTER bridal suite in another venue.  There is a reason hotels have bridal suites and it has nothing to do with babysitting.  They probably use the suite as part of the lure to get you to book your event at their venue.  Make them fix this ASAP. 
    weddingcactus[Deleted User]
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    This is a major hotel screw up and it is up to the venue to fix it.  They NEVER should have reserved the bridal suite for anybody other than the bride and groom.  Now, it is up to them to fix it.  They can either A) call fmil and say that THEY realized an error and it needs to be fixed or B) pay for you and hubby to stay in an EQUAL or BETTER bridal suite in another venue.  There is a reason hotels have bridal suites and it has nothing to do with babysitting.  They probably use the suite as part of the lure to get you to book your event at their venue.  Make them fix this ASAP. 
    No.  They were under no obligation to reserve a room unrequested and unpaid-for for the bride and groom.  They owe her nothing.



    sarahuflOliveOilsMom
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I agree this is not that big of a deal. If you needed a large room to get ready in, you should have booked one.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • OK - one question after reading the last posts - did the hotel promise any kind of comp for the bridal suite if you booked so many rooms?  When last DD got married we got the bridal suite free if they booked 20 room nights, which did happen.  If there is no comp involved in the booking of other rooms then the hotel did nothing wrong.  If they are comping the room then a discussion needs to be had about that comp NOT happening.
    southernbelle0915
  • sarahuflsarahufl New York member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    kmmssg said:
    OK - one question after reading the last posts - did the hotel promise any kind of comp for the bridal suite if you booked so many rooms?  When last DD got married we got the bridal suite free if they booked 20 room nights, which did happen.  If there is no comp involved in the booking of other rooms then the hotel did nothing wrong.  If they are comping the room then a discussion needs to be had about that comp NOT happening.
    This. My hotel didn't have a bridal suite, it is more of a business hotel. But my rooms were comped every night I was there as a perk of the block.

    Make sure they don't just blindly comp the bridal suite.
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  • In the original post, the room is referred to, by the OP, as the bridal suite.  Why, in heaven's name would it be called that if the venue is going to reserve it for another guest?  I still say that the venue is at fault and should deal with the issue.  The manager should call the MOG and let her know that an error was made and they need to make the change. At the very least, the bride should have been given a courtesy call prior to the release of that room.
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