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Ah, the good ol' "And Guest"

So BF got "and guest"-ed this weekend. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but long story short (and will keep it ambiguous in case they read here-though I doubt it because they know eff all about etiquette):

Got an invite to an event from close family members within my extended family. These people have spent many holidays with BF and I, fully know his name, even have him on facebook and I think his phone number. I'm very close with one of the family members and couldn't help but jokingly text "haha, you guys know [BF]'s name!" I know it's rude to call out other's rudeness, but I was hungover and grumpy, whatever.

Then I get a text back "Haha you only put their names on there for married couples, silly! It's what etiquette says" AS IF these people could school me on etiquette.  

At this point I knew anything I said further would just make me look bad, and it's not my place to point out other's etiquette blunders, so I tried to be nice and shrug it off. But seriously, this pissed me off, probably more than it should have...just because they know us so well, they've even stayed at our place that we live together at... yet they can't write his name on a freakin' invitation? It takes the SAME amount of effort.

Anyway thanks for listening to my vent!


Formerly martha1818

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Re: Ah, the good ol' "And Guest"

  • So BF got "and guest"-ed this weekend. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but long story short (and will keep it ambiguous in case they read here-though I doubt it because they know eff all about etiquette):

    Got an invite to an event from close family members within my extended family. These people have spent many holidays with BF and I, fully know his name, even have him on facebook and I think his phone number. I'm very close with one of the family members and couldn't help but jokingly text "haha, you guys know [BF]'s name!" I know it's rude to call out other's rudeness, but I was hungover and grumpy, whatever.

    Then I get a text back "Haha you only put their names on there for married couples, silly! It's what etiquette says" AS IF these people could school me on etiquette.  

    At this point I knew anything I said further would just make me look bad, and it's not my place to point out other's etiquette blunders, so I tried to be nice and shrug it off. But seriously, this pissed me off, probably more than it should have...just because they know us so well, they've even stayed at our place that we live together at... yet they can't write his name on a freakin' invitation? It takes the SAME amount of effort.

    Anyway thanks for listening to my vent!


    The bolded makes me a little ragey for you. Not only because they are wrong, and not only because they are defending their rudeness with wrong information, but because this immediately made my mind jump to some very close friends of the family that I've known since I was born. They were a gay couple, together and totally devoted to each other for over 30 years, until one of them died of a heart attack. We knew them both equally well and loved them both. Should they have been invited to my parents wedding with just one of their names, and the other guy referred to as "and guest" just because their union couldn't be legally recognized yet? NOPE! The biggest fucking nope ever. 

    Sorry, this is kind of a tangent, but it makes me mad. 
    image
  • So BF got "and guest"-ed this weekend. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but long story short (and will keep it ambiguous in case they read here-though I doubt it because they know eff all about etiquette):

    Got an invite to an event from close family members within my extended family. These people have spent many holidays with BF and I, fully know his name, even have him on facebook and I think his phone number. I'm very close with one of the family members and couldn't help but jokingly text "haha, you guys know [BF]'s name!" I know it's rude to call out other's rudeness, but I was hungover and grumpy, whatever.

    Then I get a text back "Haha you only put their names on there for married couples, silly! It's what etiquette says" AS IF these people could school me on etiquette.  

    At this point I knew anything I said further would just make me look bad, and it's not my place to point out other's etiquette blunders, so I tried to be nice and shrug it off. But seriously, this pissed me off, probably more than it should have...just because they know us so well, they've even stayed at our place that we live together at... yet they can't write his name on a freakin' invitation? It takes the SAME amount of effort.

    Anyway thanks for listening to my vent!


    Blech, yeah, I'd be pretty salty about that, too, considering that you're so close to them. It seems almost like saying "well, we're very close to you and we love spending time with both of you, but until you're married he's just not that important." 
  • @novella1186- Yes! Exactly!

    And it makes me WTF even more because the family members hosting this have been living together for a long time but aren't even married themselves due to a long set of circumstances that I won't post to hopefully maintain anonymity...but they would be totally okay with being "snubbed" on an invite because they don't have the title of married? So so dumb.

    Formerly martha1818

    image


  • @novella1186- Yes! Exactly!

    And it makes me WTF even more because the family members hosting this have been living together for a long time but aren't even married themselves due to a long set of circumstances that I won't post to hopefully maintain anonymity...but they would be totally okay with being "snubbed" on an invite because they don't have the title of married? So so dumb.

    Yep. Marriage doesn't magically make a relationship more important or more significant, so you don't get to down-grade someone's SO by not even using their name on an invitation. Not cool. 
    image
  • I just got "and guest"-ed to a co-ed baby shower thrown for themselves by people who RSVP'd but didn't show to our wedding. (Based on their FB feeds, we were blown off for a trip to the local riverboats.)

    I mention this because it means that getting married doesn't always help with the etiquette-challenged.

    DH and I have decided that we have to work all that weekend.


    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • I just got "and guest"-ed to a co-ed baby shower thrown for themselves by people who RSVP'd but didn't show to our wedding. (Based on their FB feeds, we were blown off for a trip to the local riverboats.)

    I mention this because it means that getting married doesn't always help with the etiquette-challenged.

    DH and I have decided that we have to work all that weekend.


    I'd go down to the riverboats that weekend, personally.
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