Dear Prudence,
My husband’s sister has invited us for Thanksgiving dinner. She is a warm, thoughtful, family-loving person whose feelings are easily hurt. She is also filthy beyond belief—call-the-health-department filthy. They narrowly escaped getting sued over the condition of their last rental. Recently, she and her husband were able to purchase a home—a few hours’ drive from us—for them and their children. They are eager for us to share their first holiday meal there. We have missed getting to know our nieces and nephews because we just can’t get past the nausea-inducing odors of multiple pets that hit us in the face when the front door opens. We are trying to tell ourselves she hasn’t been in the new house long enough for real damage, but we can’t get out of minds the likelihood of the cats basting the bird by licking it, then climbing across the table after visiting the litter box. Our guilt is compounded by the emails telling us how excited their children are at the possibility of spending time with us. We don’t have kids and are not going away, so I don’t see a way out of this. I have told my husband that I am willing to take one for the team, but he says he just doesn’t think he can get the fork to his mouth, let alone chew and swallow. Hurt feelings and disappointed children loom large. Should we stay home or go?