I don't know if some gifts are shower gifts or wedding gifts

dcbride86

I received a couple of gifts right around the same time when my in-laws threw FI and I a couples shower, but the cards don't say whether they are for the shower or the wedding.  I think at least one of them is a wedding gift, but I'm not sure.

I can obviously write the thank you note without knowing the reason for the gift, but am I allowed to use the gifts?  I know the rule is not to use a wedding gift before the wedding, but shower gifts may be used after the shower, right?  So - what's the rule here?

 

Thanks!

Fran1985

dcbride86 said:

I received a couple of gifts right around the same time when my in-laws threw FI and I a couples shower, but the cards don't say whether they are for the shower or the wedding.  I think at least one of them is a wedding gift, but I'm not sure.

I can obviously write the thank you note without knowing the reason for the gift, but am I allowed to use the gifts?  I know the rule is not to use a wedding gift before the wedding, but shower gifts may be used after the shower, right?  So - what's the rule here?

 

Thanks!

Hmm I actually didn't use any of the gifts until after the weddin- but most of my shower gifts were still out of state. I would assume that if you are getting them now, they are mostly shower gifts

misshart00

Don't specify what occasion the gift is for in the thank you note. And no, you shouldn't use any of the gifts until after the wedding. Technically, they're all wedding gifts.

thisismynickname2

I personally see no difference between shower gifts and wedding gifts. 

The WEDDING is the special occasion, for which a shower just serves as a convenient way to give gifts for said special occasion (and gives people an excuse to eat cake). Plus, since we have an ingrained culture of "don't show up empty handed" you'll still likely get a second gift of some sort at the wedding from many shower attendees.  

Ergo, I would not use gifts given at the shower. They're in honor of your wedding. 

southernbelle0915

You're right on to write the thank you note right away!

As far as using the gifts, I'm with Fran. We didn't use any of ours until after the wedding (I don't think?), so it didn't really apply to us. Were the gifters invited to your shower? Did they mention a gift coming in the mail? Was there a card? I guess those would all be hints. 

dcbride86

misshart00 said:

Don't specify what occasion the gift is for in the thank you note. And no, you shouldn't use any of the gifts until after the wedding. Technically, they're all wedding gifts.

Oh really?  I thought shower gifts were okay.  Thank you!!!  That's good to know!

dcbride86

southernbelle0915 said:

You're right on to write the thank you note right away!

As far as using the gifts, I'm with Fran. We didn't use any of ours until after the wedding (I don't think?), so it didn't really apply to us. Were the gifters invited to your shower? Did they mention a gift coming in the mail? Was there a card? I guess those would all be hints. 

The gifts are from people who were invited to the shower, but either there was no card, or the card didn't give any hints.  They also haven't mentioned anything about a gift, so I'm kind of stuck.

 

Thanks so much about the info - I thought shower gifts could be used before the wedding.  I have no idea where I heard that, but I'm so glad you all corrected me.  Thank you!! Unfortunately we did receive 1 placesetting as a shower gift that I've already washed and put away, but I will definitely not use any other gifts until after the wedding. Thank you!

misshart00

dcbride86 said:

southernbelle0915 said:

You're right on to write the thank you note right away!

As far as using the gifts, I'm with Fran. We didn't use any of ours until after the wedding (I don't think?), so it didn't really apply to us. Were the gifters invited to your shower? Did they mention a gift coming in the mail? Was there a card? I guess those would all be hints. 

The gifts are from people who were invited to the shower, but either there was no card, or the card didn't give any hints.  They also haven't mentioned anything about a gift, so I'm kind of stuck.

 

Thanks so much about the info - I thought shower gifts could be used before the wedding.  I have no idea where I heard that, but I'm so glad you all corrected me.  Thank you!! Unfortunately we did receive 1 placesetting as a shower gift that I've already washed and put away, but I will definitely not use any other gifts until after the wedding. Thank you!

Eh, it's fine. Most people around here don't really have a problem with using wedding gifts before the wedding as long as you can replace them.

[Deleted User]

dcbride86 said:

misshart00 said:

Don't specify what occasion the gift is for in the thank you note. And no, you shouldn't use any of the gifts until after the wedding. Technically, they're all wedding gifts.

Oh really?  I thought shower gifts were okay.  Thank you!!!  That's good to know!

The shower is a pre-wedding event, not an occasion of its very own.  So, if you cancelled your wedding today, you'd be expected to return all the shower gifts because they were given in celebration of your wedding.  (People are not giving you gifts because you're having a shower.  They're giving you gifts because you're getting married.)

I don't go to showers.  I don't like them.  But when I get invited to one, it reminds me to check out the couple's registry and maybe select a gift to be delivered to their home.  So, while any gift I send would be a wedding gift, it would be prompted by the shower and probably arrive close to the shower date.

AddieCake

All the gifts are for the same reason (b/c you're getting married), so it really doesn't matter if they are for the "shower" or the "wedding." They are all for "getting married."