Wedding Woes

How do I keep my groom on schedule with planning? *frustrated*

My wedding is now 6 months away and I've done 100% of the planning legwork to date (venue, officiant, caterer, photographer, invitations). I'd really like my fiancee to be involved, and he's definitely expressed to me that he wants to be. After several discussions he agreed (many months ago now...) to take on the music planning (ceremony & reception), because that's what he enjoys and he has many more opinions on what he likes than I do. However, he's dragging his feet and hasn't even made inquiries into these things yet! Occasionally I ask him how it's going, or if he needs help, or if he knows where to go to find the vendors. Recently I pointed out that there is a schedule we need to stick to because many vendors are already booked up 6 months out. I really don't want to be a nag, I also don't want to take this away from him, and I'm also totally over-committed with no extra time to take on another task, but he's making me anxious! Do I just let it go and let it happen when/how it happens? I know I must not be alone in this experience - any advice, ladies?

Re: How do I keep my groom on schedule with planning? *frustrated*

  • I'm in the same boat, I've done everything and his only job has been to organize what he and his 7 YES 7!) groomsmen are wearing.  I need to let my father know as well, he keeps asking so he can organize his attire accordingly.  So far nothing... the wedding is in 3 months.
  • You need to give him a deadline. Just lay out when you need to know things by and tell him why you need to know. I.e. the fact that vendors book up quick, or that you need to give groomsmen enough time to buy/rent suits. My husband dragged his feet in a similar fashion, but having a deadline helped. I'm sure you'll find a lot of SOs have similar issues here too.
  • give him a deadline. mine will do the same thing and i will tell him to get his stuff together and make it happen. and 7 guys? that crazy
  • jacques27jacques27 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments 5 Answers
    edited November 2014
    Well, you're really not saving yourself any time or effort since you're still fretting about it and spending time here posting about it.  But as I see it, your options are take it away from him or trust him. 

    Is your SO always unreliable with tasks?  Does he frequently need reminders, pay bills late, or do other tasks later than he originally says he will do them?  If so, then he's probably not going to change with this one task and you need to decide whether you can accept that and trust that eventually he'll do it, even if it means he's too late to book who you want or too late to book anyone at all and you have your iPod DJ'ing your wedding, or you take it over and see if he's willing to take on a less time-sensitive task, like putting together favors, welcome bags, programs, etc. (something that if it doesn't get done, no one will miss it).

    Otherwise, if your SO is generally reliable, then trust him.  As long as you've already told him once that vendors get harder to book the closer to the date of the wedding, then leave him to it.  Sure, maybe you won't get who you would have picked.  Maybe he'll be scrambling at the last minute, but he'll likely find someone.  It might not be your ideal timeline, but if he's generally reliable and responsible then it will likely get done, even if it's not the way you would do it. 
    Personally, I'm always in favor of the option where you treat adults like adults.
  • @jacques27 I totally agree with you and always prefer to treat adults like adults. I posted this partially because I felt a little atypical bridezilla coming out of me that I wanted to squash before it got out of hand.

    My SO is generally very reliable, but always very slow at decision-making and he does everything very last-minute. He's also totally clueless about the timing of wedding planning - when we got engaged he thought we could organize a big wedding in just a month or two! We've given ourselves more like 8 months, which he thinks is an eternity, while I have had vendors almost laugh at me for having started the process so late.

    I could give him a strict deadline but I'd rather just let him figure it out himself. Truth be told I really wouldn't mind having an iPod DJ'ing my wedding. It would save us money AND we would be in complete control over which songs are (and are not) played. I'm just getting wrapped up in massive checklist-induced wedding stress.

    I'm more worried about ceremony musicians, which really should be booked soon. Perhaps I'll give him a deadline on that and let the DJ slide...

    He'd kill me if I asked him to put together favors or welcome bags! Haha!
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