I'm at a loss

emcme22

So this afternoon one of BF's relatives fbook messaged him that a relative had passed away. I texted his sister and she called the relative to see what was going on. Backstory is bf is not close with most of his family but he is semi close to a cousin whose wedding we went to in August. It turns out it was this cousins wife that had died. She was 24. From what we know so far she had a tonsillectomy a few days ago, came home, threw up and that causes her to bleed out. I feel like there's details we are missing because that doesn't all totally make sense to me. I'm just currently at a loss and feel like I'm not even really processing it yet, plus bf isn't even home from work so we haven't talked yet. I just feel so bad for his cousin.

drunkenwitch

When BF gets home, have him reach out to his cousin.  Express your love, and ask if there is anything cousin needs.  If you live within driving distance take a meal over and sit with him.  Let cousin do all the talking and just "hold space".  When you are grieving it can be a real comfort just having someone sit with you and either let you be silent, or let you talk.

Hugs to your BF and his cousin.

theartistformerlyknownas

OMG how awful. Hugs and prayers for you and the cousin/family.

lyndausvi

how awful.  So sorry for your loss.

blabla89

I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending lots of thoughts and prayers!

jenna8984

That's so sad, I'm very sorry. 

NYCMercedes

I'm so sorry. Twenty-four is so young.

buttercup1958

Wow that really is awful. I'm sorry!

novella1186

drunkenwitch said.

lc07

That is horrific. I'm so sorry.

emcme22

Bf talked to his cousin tonight, told him if he needs him to he can take a day off work and come out there to be with him, just to let him know.  I'm actually even more confused about what happened because he mentioned having to replace the shower curtain, needing new door knobs, rugs being ripped out, needing a new toilet etc, all because of damage from the blood, I know it doesn't matter how it happened, its just horrible it did, just leaves me confused.  

drunkenwitch

He is grieving and trying to deal.  He is just rambling about whatever comes into his head to try make sense of what happened. My guess is that he is mentioning the things he can do something about because he needs to feel like he is doing something.  The best thing you can do is hold his hand and be there for him.

natswild

I am so sorry about that.  T & Ps for your BF and his cousin.

kmbay84

That is terrible.   I am so sorry.  Hugs and thoughts for your BF and his cousin.

LadyMillil

emme022 said:

Bf talked to his cousin tonight, told him if he needs him to he can take a day off work and come out there to be with him, just to let him know.  I'm actually even more confused about what happened because he mentioned having to replace the shower curtain, needing new door knobs, rugs being ripped out, needing a new toilet etc, all because of damage from the blood, I know it doesn't matter how it happened, its just horrible it did, just leaves me confused.  

*not a doctor* but I've heard that you have to be super careful about stitches after a tonsillectomy because if they come out it's very difficult to stop bleeding. I'm guessing there was a lot of blood and the cousin is lost and doesn't know what to do so he is focusing on getting rid of everything that has blood on it. If you are able to go to his place to be with him and help clean or discard and replace things that could help. Hydrogen peroxide works well for removing blood.

This is awful and I'm sorry for you loss.

sophhabobopha

Oh that's awful. So sorry for your loss.

emcme22

LadyMillil said:

emme022 said:

Bf talked to his cousin tonight, told him if he needs him to he can take a day off work and come out there to be with him, just to let him know.  I'm actually even more confused about what happened because he mentioned having to replace the shower curtain, needing new door knobs, rugs being ripped out, needing a new toilet etc, all because of damage from the blood, I know it doesn't matter how it happened, its just horrible it did, just leaves me confused.  

*not a doctor* but I've heard that you have to be super careful about stitches after a tonsillectomy because if they come out it's very difficult to stop bleeding. I'm guessing there was a lot of blood and the cousin is lost and doesn't know what to do so he is focusing on getting rid of everything that has blood on it. If you are able to go to his place to be with him and help clean or discard and replace things that could help. Hydrogen peroxide works well for removing blood.

This is awful and I'm sorry for you loss.

That actually explains a lot, thank you. Just so scary to think of how something so " simple" can go so wrong

hellosweetie1015

drunkenwitch said:

He is grieving and trying to deal.  He is just rambling about whatever comes into his head to try make sense of what happened. My guess is that he is mentioning the things he can do something about because he needs to feel like he is doing something.  The best thing you can do is hold his hand and be there for him.

Quote boxes, I'm sure, will mess up.

This exactly. If you don't choose something to focus on that's concrete and can be done something about, you can't block out the thoughts of "could I have....?" And those will eat you alive.

If you're close enough to make this feasible, offering to help him get the bathroom pulled back together would be my route. He probably wants to get it done yesterday, but it's probably incredibly hard for him to do it.

Jen4948

I'm so sorry. Hugs and prayers for you and your FI.

climbingsingle

Oh my god, how sad! I'm very sorry.

mrs4everhart

emme022 said:

Bf talked to his cousin tonight, told him if he needs him to he can take a day off work and come out there to be with him, just to let him know.  I'm actually even more confused about what happened because he mentioned having to replace the shower curtain, needing new door knobs, rugs being ripped out, needing a new toilet etc, all because of damage from the blood, I know it doesn't matter how it happened, its just horrible it did, just leaves me confused.  

As PP's have mentioned, bleeding out after a tonsillectomy is a very real, very dangerous possible post-op complication. Obviously, I'm not doc, but one of my best friends is 38 and gets strep at least twice a year. Like so bad he's been hospitalized. It has created a huge issue with his tonsils but no doctor will take them out. Apparently every time your tonsils swell due to sickness more little tiny capillaries form to rush in white blood cells. Eventually, especially if the person's tonsils have swelled enough times in life, the tonsils are so packed with capillaries the higher the possibility of uncontrolled bleeding becomes. It's scary as hell. In fact, his insurance will not even cover a tonsillectomy in anyone over 35. It's awful what happened with your cousin's wife and at so young. But yes, ripping the stitches after vomiting certainly could have had this reaction. How awful for the husband having to now rip out his bathroom fixtures and such because of all the blood. Holy hell, that's just terrible.