Wifezilla

Teddy917

Just want to know if I have a right to be mad at this.

My husband went Christmas shopping without me. I told him I wanted to go with him and even asked him what time the night before. I woke up before he left and he said that he wasn't going yet and told me to go back to sleep. Then he left without me. Irritating but not a big deal since I had texted him a very detailed list (who it was for, what it was, where to get it, how much should it cost).

He got most of the gifts. But for my SIL he gave her the gift he gave me for our anniversary (a gift card to a restaraunt that I've been trying to use forever but we never get a chance). He claims that we didn't have enough money for it. We had plenty, he just hadn't withdrawn how much I told him to. He hadn't even asked me.

So am I right to be upset? SIL and I are somewhat close and she'd probably understand if I explained the stituation. It was only a gift card but it was important to me and he didn't even ask. What would you guys do?

theartistformerlyknownas

Wait he's trying to regift a gift he gave you to his sister? Fuck no. Back to the store, buddy.

I'd try not to be so upset about the shopping thing. Maybe he wanted to get something for you while he was out. Grand scheme, not a big deal.

lc07

I'm with lolo. He can't give something of yours away to his sister. It's yours. And my immediate thought about him shopping alone was that he was also getting something for you while he's out - I'd let that part go.

charlottesmom0626

I'm confused; your OP makes it sound like he already gave that gift away...
so you both woke up with the intention of going shopping- then he told you to go to sleep, you did, he purchases and then goes and gives gifts to everyone on your list?

phira

I mean, OP says, "Let's go shopping together," a million times, her husband says okay, and then lies and tells her to go back to sleep and goes without her.

If he wanted to go shopping alone because he was buying her a gift, then he could go shopping on his own another time to get her gift. Wanting to surprise her with her gift doesn't mean he gets to lie to her and do all of the Christmas shopping himself without her input.

This is all a hot, steaming cup of NO.

holyguacamole79

phira said:

I mean, OP says, "Let's go shopping together," a million times, her husband says okay, and then lies and tells her to go back to sleep and goes without her.

If he wanted to go shopping alone because he was buying her a gift, then he could go shopping on his own another time to get her gift. Wanting to surprise her with her gift doesn't mean he gets to lie to her and do all of the Christmas shopping himself without her input.

This is all a hot, steaming cup of NO.

Ditto, when H went shopping for me, he didn't give me any impression that it was going to be a joint trip. He just got up on a Saturday morning and left. I'm confused about the gift card .... Did he take the gift card he previously gave you and gave that to his sister? Or did he buy her the same thing. If he register something that was yours, I'd be pissed.

theartistformerlyknownas

phira said:

I mean, OP says, "Let's go shopping together," a million times, her husband says okay, and then lies and tells her to go back to sleep and goes without her.

If he wanted to go shopping alone because he was buying her a gift, then he could go shopping on his own another time to get her gift. Wanting to surprise her with her gift doesn't mean he gets to lie to her and do all of the Christmas shopping himself without her input.

This is all a hot, steaming cup of NO.

I mean, I don't think it was cool of him, I just wouldn't be furious.

huskypuppy14

Yeah, I'm confused about the gift card thing.

phira

I mean, I think I'd be somewhere in between irritated and furious because he lied to her. This wasn't a misunderstanding.

lc07

lolo883 said:

I mean, OP says, "Let's go shopping together," a million times, her husband says okay, and then lies and tells her to go back to sleep and goes without her.

If he wanted to go shopping alone because he was buying her a gift, then he could go shopping on his own another time to get her gift. Wanting to surprise her with her gift doesn't mean he gets to lie to her and do all of the Christmas shopping himself without her input.

This is all a hot, steaming cup of NO.

I mean, I don't think it was cool of him, I just wouldn't be furious.

And it sounded to me like it was a possibility that he would go on his own since Op "HAD texted him a very detailed list" Why do that if you're going to go with him?

AddieCake

I'd be pissed. She said she wanted to go, and he basically ditched her. The gift card part I would let go b/c you can just pay for that restaurant yourself. Gift card/cash. That's kind of six of one/half a dozen of the other to me.

Teddy917

He already gave her the gift card. It was the one that he had given me.

He claims that I said I didn't want to go shopping. I clearly told him I wanted to go.

Teddy917

AddieCake said:

I'd be pissed. She said she wanted to go, and he basically ditched her. The gift card part I would let go b/c you can just pay for that restaurant yourself. Gift card/cash. That's kind of six of one/half a dozen of the other to me.

The only reason I'm pissed about the gift card is that it was a gift that he gave me that he gave to her without my permission. It might have only been a gift card (and you're right, I could just go and pay myself) but it's the fact that he gave away something of mine, especially since it was a special gift that he gave to me.

lc07

Your H doesn't have "normal" cognitive processes, though, correct? And does not process emotions "normally". Is this a surprising thing with those things considered? (serious question - not snarky)

AddieCake

I understand. I personally would just be more pissed that he ditched me, and I am having a hard time understanding PPs not having a problem with that part.

bethsmiles

I'd be annoyed with all of it but like @AddieCake and @Phira I'd be more upset that he lied and ditched me. The gift card thing is annoying but I can at least see where that thought process came from even though he really should have asked you first.

Teddy917

lc07 said:

Your H doesn't have "normal" cognitive processes, though, correct? And does not process emotions "normally". Is this a surprising thing with those things considered? (serious question - not snarky)

You're right. He doesn't process anything normally. So I'm not really surprised. I'd just like an apology, which he refuses to give.

phira

Regifting something that is not yours to regift is really not okay.

lc07

Teddy917 said:

Your H doesn't have "normal" cognitive processes, though, correct? And does not process emotions "normally". Is this a surprising thing with those things considered? (serious question - not snarky)

You're right. He doesn't process anything normally. So I'm not really surprised. I'd just like an apology, which he refuses to give.

I'm sorry he hurt your feelings. But I feel like these small scale things are going to be your life having chosen a marriage with this person. What do you think can be done to make this marriage work? I'm concerned for your happiness with you constantly butting heads with him when this is who he is.

Teddy917

scribe95 said:

So he gave away something of yours? Not acceptable. And I guess I'm confused. He not only went shopping without you but dropped around and gave people their gifts? 

He only gave this gift so far. The rest he is waiting until Christmas, which is really confusing me. Why would he give this one in advance. Especially since she likes the surprise and joy of opening gifts Christmas morning.

JCbride2015

I would be pissed about the lying and the regifting-- all of it. I know H doesn't have normal thought processes but lying and giving away something that was special for you is really not okay.

penguin44

I would be pretty mad about the lying and regifting too. I don't understand why he gave the gift card without telling you. But I agree with PPs. I have read your threads about your husband. I understand him not thinking it would be a big deal, but it worries me that he doesn't see your side at all and won't apologize. 

WhatawagSBNy

Let it go. First, even engaged and married people have some autonomy and husband may feel this was a decision which he could make BECAUSE he went out alone to keep a previous plan to get or put a partial payment on something for YOU. Something he knows you can only afford without you noticing a big deficit for the expense by passing off used goods to his own sister. Who could be in on it.