Don't ya hate that? (friend owes money)

jenna8984

Two weeks ago, concert tickets went on sale and we wanted to go with a couple who is close friends with us. So I had to buy all 4 tickets in order to get the seats next to each other. I got together with her the next day and she said rent was due and she had no extra so she couldn't pay me back yet. Well in the past two weeks, she has posted on Facebook about signing up for a YEAR worth of yoga, went to an NFL game (even if she had the tickets previously it's still $75+ for parking and food), Sorel snow boots (which I just bought so I know they are $125+). 

I know that she can do whatever she wants with her money so I would obviously not say anything to her about any of this, but I still think it's rude as hell to buy all these things before paying your friend that you owe. 

I bought the tickets damn well knowing that 10 other people love this band and will buy them if she flakes so I'm not worried about losing out on the money. How long do I wait before I tell her to pay up or I will sell them? I originally told her "by the credit card due date one month later" so are they fair game after that time is up, or would you give her more time? The show isn't until July. 

theartistformerlyknownas

It's your money; you're free to make the deadline whenever you want. Just be clear with her on what that date is and give her fair warning.

mikenberger

"Hey lady. Credit card is due at the end of the month and your concert ticket is on it. Can you pay me or not?" Then make the decision. I wouldn't just sell them out from under her. But man. That's super infuriating. But yknow, how far do you care to take it? Is it worth a friendship? Money is tough when it comes between friends.

jenna8984

mikenberger said:

"Hey lady. Credit card is due at the end of the month and your concert ticket is on it. Can you pay me or not?" Then make the decision. I wouldn't just sell them out from under her. But man. That's super infuriating. But yknow, how far do you care to take it? Is it worth a friendship? Money is tough when it comes between friends.

I wouldn't not be friends with her over it, but I also wouldn't just give them to her for free either. If she ends up not being able to pay in a month or two and I sell them to someone else, she really has no right to be upset with me. 

phira

She can do whatever she likes with her money, but when she owes you money, she. Owes. You. Money. "Whatever she likes" now includes "buying concert tickets." If that makes any sense.

I would just say what @mikenberger suggested you say. Give her a hard deadline, and do it nicely but firmly.

And in the future, especially if she doesn't pay you back (but even if she does), I'd be careful about letting her owe you any money. I've learned from experience which friends I can lend money to and which friends I can't.

huskypuppy14

If it's Foo Fighters, I'll take the tickets!

jacques27

I know it's frustrating when you hear about people spending cash when  you know they have other financial obligations to take care of, but all the things you listed sound like stuff she could put on a credit card (it's not like she posted about spending $500 at the casino).  My guess is she's probably the type to live on her credit (and potentially live beyond her means), so she very well may not actually have the actual cash money to pay you back right now if it went to rent and other bills this paycheck.  You gave her a deadline - I would definitely wait until her next paycheck and see what she says then (I know all my bills tend to come due around the same time, so one paycheck is almost always spoken for before it even hits my account and the paycheck after that is my "fun money").

As an aside, this is in part why I hate facebook.  People's finances aren't anyone's business - she needs to keep the minutiae of her finances and purchases off social media and you need to keep in mind that you're only seeing a partial snapshot of much bigger picture when you read about her life on facebook. 

jenna8984

@huskypuppy14 See, anyone would love her spot at Foo! I got online the second they went on sale too so they are great seats haha

@jacques27 Excellent points, thank you! I do know more about her finances than a normal friend would know since I do her taxes. So I do know that's she's pretty much paycheck to paycheck. Which makes all these purchases at once seem crazy but I bet they are on a credit card.

southernbelle0915

"Hi Friend, credit card payment is due. I need your money for the concert tickets by (date) because I can't pay my bill in full without it. Can you make that work?"

If she says no, let her know you need to sell them then.. sorrynotsorry. You're not a bank or a loan shark. If she says yes, but doesn't pay you on the day you specified, I'd give her one extra day and let her know if you don't get the money by the end of that day, you need to sell the tickets. Again, sorrynotsorry. 

climbingsingle

I think it sucks that she hasn't made paying you back a priority. 

charlottesmom0626

I think it sucks but it's also the risk you take.

 I'm always the friend putting tickets and events on my credit cards. I typically give my friends more time to pay me back (even months after the events are over), but I trust them, no one's ever not paid, and I'm also more laid back about rolling over amounts on my card.

Perhaps next time you suggest she buy them and have cash available to give her?

flutteringinfl

I had to learn the hard way not to lend money to friends unless I was willing to consider it a gift. I agree that you don't have control or a say over how she spends her money, but I definitely would be annoyed if someone owed me money and was posting about all the neat stuff they were buying. I would definitely sit down with her and ask her for an estimate of when you can expect to be paid back. Be frank and honest.