GRRR - my mother edition

dcbride86

I would like to start this off by saying that my mom is awesome.  She's really fantastic.  She's a very hard worker and has supported me through everything.  Also, she and my dad are very generously paying for the bulk of my wedding.  Obviously that means she has a say.

 

Having said that - OH MY GOD.  I knew she was kind of crazy and Jewish mother style controlling going into it.  But I was okay with her taking control of a lot of things.  She wants my chuppa to look a certain way?  Fine.  She wants a ridiculous floral arrangment by the escort cards?  Whatever.  But - the menu.  Dear god, the menu.

 

We have to sent the venue a sample menu for our tasting.  So I came up with some options and emailed both of my parents and FI to ask for suggestions.  My mom sat on it for over 2 weeks, and then just emailed me to changing a bunch of things.  For example, she changed every desert on the "last" sample I sent to my family to double check it.  I emailed her back that 1 of the deserts is literally the ONLY THING FI asked for with respect to food.  So she responded "well I thought my idea sounded better, but whatever."

UGHHHH.  It's one thing to make suggestions, but I hate the passive aggressive responses.  And I hate that she sits on it for so long and then when I have to submit it to the venue, she all of a sudden cares.

 

Sorry - I know this rant is totally minor, but she's just driving me slightly crazy.  Not just about the wedding - about everything - but crazy nonetheless.

sarawifenow

You know, in this case, I would stick to my guns. It is the one thing your FI wanted to happen at the wedding. Keep the dessert and maybe just go with one or two other changes she made to the menu.

novella1186

I'm right there with you. Vent as much as you need to, because sometimes it is so extremely necessary. I'm not even speaking to my mother right now because of all the guilt-trips, nagging, and passive aggressive nonsense. That gets real old, real fast. 

[Deleted User]

I totally get the "he who pays gets a say" thing- I wouldn't want to be told how to spend my money.  That said, it does suck that she felt the need to make a comment about the one thing your fiance wanted to eat.

It just seems like a petty move- if you're getting EVERYTHING else your way, is it SO BAD to give the guests of honor the one or two things they may ask for?

It kinda blows my mind.  I'm so glad fiance and I are paying for everything ourselves; I have less of this drama to deal with.

anjemon

Sorry your mom is being hard to deal with. Vent away, that's why we're here.

I'd also say stick to your guns about the dessert. She can pick one of the other options if she really wants to try something. And it's just a tasting so it's not set in stone yet.

My parents are also paying for the majority of the wedding. It's a hard line to walk, making sure they're happy but also making sure all our opinions don't get overruled. Good luck.