PPD's

classicalandedgy

While I am not having a PDD, just one wedding for me, I know this is a hot topic around here. I just came across an article on vogue.com where it seems that they are becoming much more popular and generally accepted.  Just wondering is it time to just accept that wedding culture is changing/evolving?  Please don't shoot the messenger... I was just curious knowing how many people here on TK feel about it.

 

 Edited for link:

JCbride2015

classicalandedgy said:

While I am not having a PDD, just one wedding for me, I know this is a hot topic around here. I just came across an article on vogue.com where it seems that they are becoming much more popular and generally accepted.  Just wondering is it time to just accept that wedding culture is changing/evolving?  Please don't shoot the messenger... I was just curious knowing how many people here on TK feel about it.

 

 

Nope, it is not time to accept PPD's.

Personally, here's how I feel about it:

-- If you have a wedding for whatever reason, are honest about your marital status, and later have a celebration, good for you.  If you add a ceremony to that, I will think it is silly, but you aren't really hurting anyone if you're honest.

-- If you have a wedding, pretend that you are not married, keep your marital status a secret, and later have a fake wedding which requires guests to show up/ travel/ spend any money whatsoever/ spend time watching your ceremony thinking it is real and they are in fact being deceived?  Shame on you.

beethery

Lying will always be in fashion. That does not make it right.

kat1114

I think it's stupid to have more than one wedding for the sake of getting to have a party. However, if people are honest about it, I have less of a problem.

classicalandedgy

Damn can't get the link to work...

[Deleted User]

JCbride2015 said:

classicalandedgy said:

While I am not having a PDD, just one wedding for me, I know this is a hot topic around here. I just came across an article on vogue.com where it seems that they are becoming much more popular and generally accepted.  Just wondering is it time to just accept that wedding culture is changing/evolving?  Please don't shoot the messenger... I was just curious knowing how many people here on TK feel about it.

 

 

Nope, it is not time to accept PPD's.

Personally, here's how I feel about it:

-- If you have a wedding for whatever reason, are honest about your marital status, and later have a celebration, good for you.  If you add a ceremony to that, I will think it is silly, but you aren't really hurting anyone if you're honest.

-- If you have a wedding, pretend that you are not married, keep your marital status a secret, and later have a fake wedding which requires guests to show up/ travel/ spend any money whatsoever/ spend time watching your ceremony thinking it is real and they are in fact being deceived?  Shame on you.

This is pretty much where I am too, @JCbride2015.

classicalandedgy

FeeleyToBe said:

JCbride2015 said:

classicalandedgy said:

While I am not having a PDD, just one wedding for me, I know this is a hot topic around here. I just came across an article on vogue.com where it seems that they are becoming much more popular and generally accepted.  Just wondering is it time to just accept that wedding culture is changing/evolving?  Please don't shoot the messenger... I was just curious knowing how many people here on TK feel about it.

 

 

Nope, it is not time to accept PPD's.

Personally, here's how I feel about it:

-- If you have a wedding for whatever reason, are honest about your marital status, and later have a celebration, good for you.  If you add a ceremony to that, I will think it is silly, but you aren't really hurting anyone if you're honest.

-- If you have a wedding, pretend that you are not married, keep your marital status a secret, and later have a fake wedding which requires guests to show up/ travel/ spend any money whatsoever/ spend time watching your ceremony thinking it is real and they are in fact being deceived?  Shame on you.

This is pretty much where I am too, @JCbride2015.

Just for the record.  This is pretty much where I stand too.

climbingsingle

mikenberger

I'm okay with the "let's getting married somewhere else and have a party here for everybody to attend", as long as they're honest about it and they don't try to recreate the wedding.

It's the deception part I have a huge issue with.

larrygaga

If it's not passed off as a lie I really don't care that much. I probably won't give a big gift if at all but I'll show up to party. Provided it's not too much travel.

I'm pretty laid back

lyndausvi

classicalandedgy said:

FeeleyToBe said:

JCbride2015 said:

classicalandedgy said:

While I am not having a PDD, just one wedding for me, I know this is a hot topic around here. I just came across an article on vogue.com where it seems that they are becoming much more popular and generally accepted.  Just wondering is it time to just accept that wedding culture is changing/evolving?  Please don't shoot the messenger... I was just curious knowing how many people here on TK feel about it.

 

 

Nope, it is not time to accept PPD's.

Personally, here's how I feel about it:

-- If you have a wedding for whatever reason, are honest about your marital status, and later have a celebration, good for you.  If you add a ceremony to that, I will think it is silly, but you aren't really hurting anyone if you're honest.

-- If you have a wedding, pretend that you are not married, keep your marital status a secret, and later have a fake wedding which requires guests to show up/ travel/ spend any money whatsoever/ spend time watching your ceremony thinking it is real and they are in fact being deceived?  Shame on you.

This is pretty much where I am too, @JCbride2015.

Just for the record.  This is pretty much where I stand too.

add me to the list.

It's all about being honest to me.   

I like parties.  Just be honest.  And please, don't do re-do the vows.

KatieinBkln

There are so many things in this world that have become generally accepted which remain unacceptable. PPDs. Emailed thank you notes. Honeyfunds. Leggings as pants.

Vogue can support it all they want (I mean, more wedding-type parties means more potential "brides" and readers who will buy their stuffy old magazine, so why wouldn't they?). I, however, will not.

southernbelle0915

So the two scenarios are usually:

1) A couple gets married in secret, lies to people or otherwise considers themselves not married and then has a "wedding".

2) A couple has a quickie wedding at JOP because reasons, tells everyone and later throws a celebration party.

#1 is just terrible for obvious reasons. #2 is AWish and gift grabby to me. 

I get that a lot of people are ok with #2 because there isn't lying, but to me it's just like - ok so you made the adult decision to get married because whatever reasons (health care, military, etc.). So either you want the benefits, or you want the party. Which is it? The whole thing about PPDs is owning an adult decision. And #2 just strikes me as only kind of owning it but still wanting to have a "me" party.

classicalandedgy

KatieinBkln said:

There are so many things in this world that have become generally accepted which remain unacceptable. PPDs. Emailed thank you notes. Honeyfunds. Leggings as pants.

Vogue can support it all they want (I mean, more wedding-type parties means more potential "brides" and readers who will buy their stuffy old magazine, so why wouldn't they?). I, however, will not.

Do you really think these are generally accepted?  Personally, I continue to think these are ridiculous and an e-mailed thank you is just plain lazy, IMO.

Leggings as pants is certainly a dilemma...

JCbride2015

southernbelle0915 said:

So the two scenarios are usually:

1) A couple gets married in secret, lies to people or otherwise considers themselves not married and then has a "wedding".

2) A couple has a quickie wedding at JOP because reasons, tells everyone and later throws a celebration party.

#1 is just terrible for obvious reasons. #2 is AWish and gift grabby to me. 

I get that a lot of people are ok with #2 because there isn't lying, but to me it's just like - ok so you made the adult decision to get married because whatever reasons (health care, military, etc.). So either you want the benefits, or you want the party. Which is it? The whole thing about PPDs is owning an adult decision. And #2 just strikes me as only kind of owning it but still wanting to have a "me" party.

I mean.... I'm not "okay" with #2 really.  I will think you're silly and AWish.  But if you're hosting your guests well it's not really a strict etiquette problem to me.

chibiyui

I really don't care if the couple is honest about it. And I'll be even more accepting of it for immigration or insurance purposes, but just don't fucking lie to me about it.


Lie and I judge. JUDGE.

lurkergirl

southernbelle0915 said:

So the two scenarios are usually:

1) A couple gets married in secret, lies to people or otherwise considers themselves not married and then has a "wedding".

2) A couple has a quickie wedding at JOP because reasons, tells everyone and later throws a celebration party.

#1 is just terrible for obvious reasons. #2 is AWish and gift grabby to me. 

I get that a lot of people are ok with #2 because there isn't lying, but to me it's just like - ok so you made the adult decision to get married because whatever reasons (health care, military, etc.). So either you want the benefits, or you want the party. Which is it? The whole thing about PPDs is owning an adult decision. And #2 just strikes me as only kind of owning it but still wanting to have a "me" party.

Ditto.  Yeah, okay, you're not lying, but....you basically want to be the center of attention and have people buy you presents.

PrettyGirlLost

Media outlets supporting PPDs doesn't really mean that in the general public they are supported or becoming more popular.  The wedding industry is just trying to make as much money as it can off of people.

Most of the excuses for having a PPD that are presented here are weak at best, and selfish and possibly fraudulent at worst.  However, as long as I know up front that you're having a PPD, then I don't really care.  I'm still going to think it's stupid, but I'm not being deceived.

pinkcow13

I personally don't care as much as long as the couple is honest, and people are properly hosted. To me, it's just a party. Granted, I will not travel for a PPD. If the couple lies about it though, then that is not cool.And no, that's not the wedding industry evolving, in my opinion. 

KatieinBkln

classicalandedgy said:

KatieinBkln said:

There are so many things in this world that have become generally accepted which remain unacceptable. PPDs. Emailed thank you notes. Honeyfunds. Leggings as pants.

Vogue can support it all they want (I mean, more wedding-type parties means more potential "brides" and readers who will buy their stuffy old magazine, so why wouldn't they?). I, however, will not.

Do you really think these are generally accepted?  Personally, I continue to think these are ridiculous and an e-mailed thank you is just plain lazy, IMO.

Leggings as pants is certainly a dilemma...

Enough people don't find them ridiculous that honeyfund websites make money and newbs continue defending all the reasons why hand-written notes are old-fashioned and unnecessary, so...no, they aren't accepted here, or even by many people. But they are A Thing, and an ever-growing one, as far as I can tell. It's like when the OED gives up and allows non-words to become words. They eventually sway to common usage, whether or not it makes sense.

maeday2

I know someone who did this for healthcare reasons and it's one that I don't mind because I have a personal connection to these people and they were forth-coming. 

The groom had been in an awful accident. He broke his neck, lost an ear, and his face was reconstructed with plates. This period of his life was extremely rough and he was self-conscious about his missing ear. His insurance wouldn't cover the reconstruction surgeries. So, they got married sooner to complete his reconstruction since the bride's insurance would cover the surgeries. 

climbingsingle

KatieinBkln said:

classicalandedgy said:

KatieinBkln said:

There are so many things in this world that have become generally accepted which remain unacceptable. PPDs. Emailed thank you notes. Honeyfunds. Leggings as pants.

Vogue can support it all they want (I mean, more wedding-type parties means more potential "brides" and readers who will buy their stuffy old magazine, so why wouldn't they?). I, however, will not.

Do you really think these are generally accepted?  Personally, I continue to think these are ridiculous and an e-mailed thank you is just plain lazy, IMO.

Leggings as pants is certainly a dilemma...

Enough people don't find them ridiculous that honeyfund websites make money and newbs continue defending all the reasons why hand-written notes are old-fashioned and unnecessary, so...no, they aren't accepted here, or even by many people. But they are A Thing, and an ever-growing one, as far as I can tell. It's like when the OED gives up and allows non-words to become words. They eventually sway to common usage, whether or not it makes sense.

Truth. I know 6 IRL couples that had Honeyfunds. Ugh. 

lovegood90

Nope, rude is rude is rude.

holyguacamole79

Hashtags, emailed RSVPs, and a bride wearing quirky shoes are examples of the wedding culture changing.

Lying to your families and friends because they want to have the party when you can have it, but want the benefits as soon as possible should never be socially acceptable.

southernbelle0915

Also, PPDs are a wedding industry's wet dream. 

They don't miss out on the cash cow of a wedding just because people get married at JOP. They still profit even when no one is getting married! Of course they're going to promote this as a good idea because money.

VulgarGirl

This was once in fashion:

I'm alright being out of fashion.

classicalandedgy

holyguacamole79 said:

Hashtags, emailed RSVPs, and a bride wearing quirky shoes are examples of the wedding culture changing.

Lying to your families and friends because they want to have the party when you can have it, but want the benefits as soon as possible should never be socially acceptable.

I know I was unable to post a link.  But there was no implication of lying in the article.  It was completely forthcoming about multiple weddings.

Lying is unacceptable... Period

KatieinBkln

classicalandedgy said:

holyguacamole79 said:

Hashtags, emailed RSVPs, and a bride wearing quirky shoes are examples of the wedding culture changing.

Lying to your families and friends because they want to have the party when you can have it, but want the benefits as soon as possible should never be socially acceptable.

I know I was unable to post a link.  But there was no implication of lying in the article.  It was completely forthcoming about multiple weddings.

Lying is unacceptable... Period

I don't know. The lying bugs me but ultimately I'm kind of in the boat of: So many people are still denied even one legal wedding. It's gauche for someone more privileged to have multiple.