Wedding Vows & Ceremony Discussions

Don't Know What to Do!

So, I'm not sure if my question fits under this 'category' but I'm going to give it a shot. When I was growing there was about 7 of us that really did everything together. I've stayed in contact with all of them but am closer to 3 of them more than the other 3. I'm having 3 of them as bridesmaids but I want to include the others somehow as well. 2 of them play flute beautifully and I plan on asking them to play for the wedding, but I don't know what I can do to have my other friend incorporated into the wedding. I want her to feel important for my wedding.


Re: Don't Know What to Do!

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    Maybe a reading or can she sing? 
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    A reading is traditional if you don't want her to feel left out.

     I had a simular situation when one of my firend got married. We were part of a kind of foursome from highschool choir and she was a lot closer to the other two girls than me so it wasn't really appropriate to make me a bridesmaid and she already had three readers and a singer. She ended up putting me in charge of programs which I thought was evil genius. I was responsible for picking them up from the printer, putting them together and handing them out at the ceremony. I thought it was a nice gesture that included me in the day and prevented odd-girl-out feelings. It made me feel useful without fourcing her to make me a bridesmaid or listen to me talk. :-) She even listed me under special attendants.
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    I would suggest doing a reading.  That's what my Fiance and I are doing with a couple of people who we want to include in the ceremony but don't have in our bridal party.  They were very happy to have been asked!
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    In Response to <a href=" BoardsForum:10Discussion:4c26b9e8-7c91-4b5b-8727-cde78a3d337bPost:9f511056-d120-4e41-8b14-ca236f8a89c6">Re: Don't Know What to Do!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Invite her as a guest.  That is including her.
    Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

    IMO that is NOT enough if everyone else is incorporated. Def wouldn't go this route...I would ask her to sing? Or probably ask her to do a reading
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    I would either ask her to do a reading and have the other 2 girls play flute, or don't ask the 3 you've drifted from to do anything. Being invited as a guest IS an honor. People get so caught up in including people and giving them titles that they forget this. 
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    They could sit with your guest book for when people come in she can somewhat direct them.  If you are not having actual paid servers she could serve your cake or something else at the reception.  I like the above idea about programs too!
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    In Response to <a href=" BoardsForum:10Discussion:4c26b9e8-7c91-4b5b-8727-cde78a3d337bPost:45e1646e-9871-46cd-9d54-cee5eafde601">Re: Don't Know What to Do!</a>:
    [QUOTE]They could sit with your guest book for when people come in she can somewhat direct them.  If you are not having actual paid servers she could serve your cake or something else at the reception.  I like the above idea about programs too!
    Posted by ReginaKS[/QUOTE]

    I suggest against putting people you care about enough to want to include them to work on your wedding. If I was invited to a wedding and told to hang out in the back of the room with the guest book all night would be very very offended...same with giving out cake.

    A reading in the ceremony is the 'accepted' way to include extra people...I am not crazy about it, but that is a way that doesn't really offend people...everything else is kinda of belittling imo (you can come but we are giving you the special job of having to be my servent and do whatever job no one else has yet by standing at the door and giving out programs...doesnt exactly make me feel more special than had I just been invited). Its like at work when your boss gives you make work things to do to make you feel productive when both you and her really know they had to find something for you to do.

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    Well I suppose it is just different for everyone.  I know I have had tons of my friends offer to do all sorts of things such as keep my guest book or serve at the reception and they were honored to do so.  Every wedding I have ever attended in my life has been this same way.  I have done all of those things as well and never once felt like a servant, it made me feel like that wanted me involved somehow.  I am sure different areas have different traditions though.
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    Years go I was invited to a friends wedding where I thought we were really close and I was a little hurt I wasn't asked to stand for her, however I understood that she had a couple of friends who she was extremely close to and for a lot longer than her and I, however she didn't include me into any part of her wedding at all.  I felt I was just a guest....yes it is an honour to be invited, however I know for my wedding there are people who are invited just out of obligation.....

    also my brother's wedding again I wasn't asked to stand, which I really didn't expect to and had I been I would have felt it was family obligation as I am not close to my sister in law.....however other than them asking my boys to be ring bearers I wasn't included in the wedding at all.  It was hurtful. 

    I am trying to find places for people to be apart of my wedding to make it special.  My brother's daughter's along with my daugther are my flower girls....I don't really have a job for my brother....I was going to ask him to be my mc, however he really doesn't like speaking in front of people.  So I have nothing for him.

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