Do people never talk before they have children?

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,
I don’t think young children should watch television. It turns out my wife has been showing our 3-year-old son TV shows for some time now. I have confronted her, explaining that I think she needs to at least have a conversation with me about it before doing so, but she simply apologizes and continues doing it when I’m not around. She has told many silly fibs to cover this up, although she always comes clean when confronted directly. I feel doubly betrayed, since not only were my wishes for our son disregarded, by doing it secretly she has also robbed me of any say in what he watches and how often. We discussed my feelings about children and television before we married and before we had children. Regardless of whether my concerns about viewing habits are justified, I think she needs to have a discussion with me rather than sneaking around behind my back? What should I do?

—No Boob Tube

baconsmom

I'm taking a wild leap here and assuming that 1) He works outside the home, 2) she doesn't, and 3) she just wants twenty fucking minutes of goddamn peace. 

I say he should stay at home for a week, while his wife goes out for eight hours a day. See how long before he sticks the kid in front of PBS so he can poop. 

mrsconn23

8 hours?  I say 10-12, for commute time and in case 'shit comes up'. 

Most SAHMs I know are on their own for a minimum of 50% of the day and also are the ones to handle any night duty.  

Heffalump

Disclaimer:  we're probably on the less screen time end of the spectrum, which is hard to say without sounding self-righteous.  (Note:  I am not self-righteous.  Well, not about this, I mean.)  

That said, assuming it's in moderation and the kid isn't watching 10 hours of Curious George daily, BFD.  I think their relationship is the bigger issue here:

1.  He says he doesn't "believe" in young kids watching TV.  Obviously his wife does.  He doesn't sound like he's considered any sort of compromise--hell, even the AAP says 30 min. is fine--it sounds like he's telling her what to do, his way or the highway.

2.  I don't think it's cool that his wife is lying to him about it.  But if she's nonconfrontational, she probably thinks it's easier than listening to lecture #437 about Why TV Is Bad For Young Children.  I could kind of see how she would think "Well, I'm taking care of this kid, he's not, so he can STFU."

3.  Really?  "Robbed him of any say in what he watches and how often?"  Assuming the mom isn't streaming Walking Dead all day long, does Dad really need to weigh in on Bubble Guppies vs. Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood?  This supports my concern #2, that he's annoying and stubborn and the wife has given up on discussing this with him.

4.  From the sound of it, if this is happening while he's not around, then it sounds likely that she's a SAHM.  Shit, dude, if she's home with him all day and he's clean, fed, loved, and happy, then be grateful, because she's doing a great job.  If the kid were neglected, that would be another issue, but it sure doesn't sound like that.  Unless he wants to stay home and entertain a preschooler day after day after day, I suggest he look the other way at the occasional Sesame Street interlude.

p.s.  My mom was a SAHM and only let me watch PBS, but I watched a ton of it, and as far as I know, I'm not mentally stunted or anything.  Plus I have an outstanding grasp of abierto vs. cerrado. 

6fsn

I don't like the lying aspect either.  The other day I took the kids for shakes for no reason.  I caught myself saying "don't tell daddy."  My mind started going to Chester Molester telling them the same things so I started rambling that I was kidding  because we shouldn't keep secrets and it's ok to tell mom and dad things.

0Face

DH is a polygamist!?!?! WHAT!?!

(mostly kidding, only slightly)

hmonkey

husband seems to have pretty restrictive views about tv. divorce him, yo.

TV 4EVA!

MesmrEwe

Yea - Idealistic Dad needs a kick in the gonads...  Real world - he's behaving like an @$$! 

Yea, sounds like he's at work 14 hours a day and she has communication issues.  So he doesn't believe in screen time - then get the woman some assistance with childcare because I'm guessing the screen time is so she can a) Poop...  b) make a meal...  c) get some gosh darn peace and quiet from "Mom... Mom... Mum... Mummy... Ma... Mum... Mom..."  And lying about something that petty even though she's sick of hearing his nagging idealistic approach to parenting from the non-parenting perspective - yea - that'll really smooth over the situation ..<face palm>  Reminds me of the daycare Moms who complain because the DCP's food isn't "healthy enough" give me a freaking break - like your kid is eating a 5-course meal at home complete with a rainbow of fruits and veggies - yea - more like "Pop tarts have fruit in them RIGHT?!?!?!"

*Barbie*

mrs.conn23 said:

Dear Prudence,
I don’t think young children should watch television. It turns out my wife has been showing our 3-year-old son TV shows for some time now. I have confronted her, explaining that I think she needs to at least have a conversation with me about it before doing so, but she simply apologizes and continues doing it when I’m not around. She has told many silly fibs to cover this up, although she always comes clean when confronted directly. I feel doubly betrayed, since not only were my wishes for our son disregarded, by doing it secretly she has also robbed me of any say in what he watches and how often. We discussed my feelings about children and television before we married and before we had children. Regardless of whether my concerns about viewing habits are justified, I think she needs to have a discussion with me rather than sneaking around behind my back? What should I do?

—No Boob Tube

it sounds more like he "mansplained" his feelings about children and TV and just expected her to comply. the lying component of it is bad on her end, but he needs to chill, especially if he's not the one spending all day with the kid. 

My kid had a fair amount of screen time, but with 2 working (FT) parents, shit still needs to get done, and sometimes it's easier for her to play a(n educational) game on the Kindle, than it is to answer 300 questions per minute and trip over a hyper 4yo while trying to cook/clean/do yard work.