Dear Prudence,
My parents and my husband’s parents are all in their early 70s and live in the same metro area as we do. Our fathers are both sharp but have recently been diagnosed with different life-shortening, deteriorating conditions. They each take care of everything from cooking to finances to repairs. Our mothers are both in the early stages of dementia, which has magnified their personalities. My mother-in-law is loving, sweet, and gentle; my own mother is not. We live in a six-bedroom, one-story house in a great community that seems perfect for aging in place. My grandfather even lived in the guest suite for a time. Now we just have one child at home and we are the best candidates out of our siblings to eventually take care of our mothers. However, though we would be delighted to care for my mother-in-law, for our mental health we can’t have my mom live with us. What should we do and how should we handle expectations?