Not Engaged Yet

Happy Tuesday & WWYD?

jenjen047jenjen047 member
First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
edited May 2015 in Not Engaged Yet
Morning NEYers!
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Re: Happy Tuesday & WWYD?

  • I guess I disagree with @hummingbird125. It's one thing if you think that he is mistreating your sister, but since this is someone who could end up being a part of your family, I'd be careful what you say to your sister about him. If he gets into civilized discussions with people, what is the harm? Yes, it might be very annoying to YOU, but you aren't the one who is in a relationship with him. If he says something truly rude or over the line, politely tell him you think he went too far that time.

    And when you have to see him, I would just try to see the good things in him, instead of focusing on those things that you don't like. Look out for the little things that he does for your sister that you might not notice. Don't engage him in his debates, if those bother you. Don't take things personally, like the comment he made about Taylor Swift. All you can really do is just treat him with respect.
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    "You are made of win." -SopChick
    Still here and still fabulous!

  • jenjen047jenjen047 member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited May 2015
    @hummingbird125 - Thanks for the advice. I think you're right, if she ever asks me I can be politely honest but otherwise I have to keep my mouth shut. I just wish I could make my negative feelings go away. As for wedding stuff...that's awesome that you're feeling zen! :) You're almost in single digits countdown!!!
  • I agree with @cu97tiger

    I would try to see the good things in him and focus on your sister's happiness in her relationship. Is he a nice person? Does he treat your family with respect along with your sister? I think it's just fun for some people to debate on things and I'm not a debater myself so I get annoyed sometimes if someone tries to debate with me but it's probably just their way of communicating or getting to know you.
  • @TwoDimes I love that picture of Indy! She looks so focused like she is protecting that porch lol.
  • labrolabro member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I dunno, what your sister's BF doesn't really sound all that bad to me. Maybe it was just a failed attempt at a sarcastic joke or something. Playing Devil's Advocate =/= major SO problem to me. Basically, I'm with what @cu97tiger said.

    @Hummingbird125 You are SO CLOSE! Hold on to that feeling cause next week may get a bit intense (hopefully not)! How soon after the wedding are you leaving for your HM?

    Nothing super exciting for me today. @southernpeach89's baby shower invitations shipped this morning and tonight I have bookclub. I didn't read the book because it was a 1,000+ page tome on JFK's assassination. It's some sort of conspiracy theory book written in the 1970s and I just wasn't interested.

    This morning I got a run in at least! I watched part of The Bachelorette last night but not the whole thing so I missed all the drunk guy action. I'll at least try to catch the beginning tonight so I can actually find out who the Bachelorette is going to be. I'm kind of annoyed that they gave us a 2 hour long episode last night and you didn't even find out who "won".



  • I agree with @cu7tiger - I would tread very carefully and even if she asks I probably wouldn't say anything negative about him. If she asks (do people really ask? I don't think I've ever asked if someone likes BF) I would keep your comments neutral - "I love seeing you so happy" "It's great that you really seem to click with him" stuff like that. Honestly, your dislike for him seems petty and think you need to let it go. When you are around him just learn not to engage and don't take things personally.

    It's raining again here. It's been cloudy and rainy for what feels like forever. I'm ready for some sun! I'm still in a pretty good mood today anyway though. I ran two miles at the gym last night! It's the furthest I've ever run without taking any breaks to walk so I'm pretty proud of myself. I didn't really run fast but hey at least I ran.

    @TwoDimes - Your dog is adorable. 


  • labrolabro member
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    @Swazzle I know I've said it before, but your dining room could be a model room for PB! It's SO PRETTY!!

    @TwoDimes I think IRL Cinders and Indy would be BFF's. They could patrol for squirrels and survey their domains together.



  • labro said:

    I dunno, what your sister's BF doesn't really sound all that bad to me. Maybe it was just a failed attempt at a sarcastic joke or something. Playing Devil's Advocate =/= major SO problem to me. Basically, I'm with what @cu97tiger said.


    @Hummingbird125 You are SO CLOSE! Hold on to that feeling cause next week may get a bit intense (hopefully not)! How soon after the wedding are you leaving for your HM?

    Nothing super exciting for me today. @southernpeach89's baby shower invitations shipped this morning and tonight I have bookclub. I didn't read the book because it was a 1,000+ page tome on JFK's assassination. It's some sort of conspiracy theory book written in the 1970s and I just wasn't interested.

    This morning I got a run in at least! I watched part of The Bachelorette last night but not the whole thing so I missed all the drunk guy action. I'll at least try to catch the beginning tonight so I can actually find out who the Bachelorette is going to be. I'm kind of annoyed that they gave us a 2 hour long episode last night and you didn't even find out who "won".
    This. I really hope it's not Brit. She annoys the crap out of me. She also touches her hair too much and so I secretly hope it gets greasy from all that touching and then it just looks like crap.
  • @jenjen047 I agree with @cu97tiger and @LaBro. He doesn't seem that bad to me, and as long as he's treating your sister well, then there's no issue. 

    T&P request for my family please. We got some very alarming news yesterday, and it knocked me on my ass for the majority of the day. We're optimistic, but it will be a bumpy road to normalcy. Sorry for vague knotting, but it's not really my place to divulge details, especially on the internet.

    Even though yesterday was beyond awful, the weekend itself was actually really great. Friday FI and I went to grab some food at McAlisters, and we saw a sale going on at a Mattress Firm in the same strip center. We walked over there after dinner and found a new mattress! It was delivered Saturday, and I loooooove it! It's a lot taller than the old mattress, so I have to take a flying leap to get into bed, but I think it's fun. :)

    On Saturday FI and I deep cleaned the apartment, and then I went with @audrewuh to get a BM dress for my wedding! She's going to look amazing! Saturday night we had a bunch of people over for dinner and Star Wars, and fun was had by all. We turned Empire Strikes Back into a drinking game, and I didn't last too long lol.

    On Sunday we went to our friends' house to meet with her mom about our invitations. We brainstormed for a couple of hours and went over a lot of nitty gritty details that are beyond me. I basically told them a few essentials and said I'd defer to their judgment for everything else. They are the professionals, not I, so I'm sure they can design something that looks fantastic. I think we're going to cut them in July or August. Sunday evening we had dinner with an old friend and his family, and it was awesome. We hadn't seen him in almost a year, and he's only in town for a few days before he's off to a really awesome internship in DC and then starting college in Michigan. It was so good to see him! Afterwards we had a few friends come over and watch GoT, and then I passed out by 10:30. 

    Today's agenda will be filled with allergy shots, work, the elliptical, and leftover ST oven fried chicken. FI and I barely slept last night, so we'll likely collapse into bed early tonight. I'm soooo looking forward to the weekend. We're going with our friends to their very remote family cabin Friday - Monday. It's going to be a well-needed break.


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  • I'm gonna just pretend I didn't read that @jenjen047 doesn't like taylor swift ;)

    Honestly my BF's best friend is like that and it irritates me so much. Like we clash regularly and without any civility at all so I don't think my advice will do you any good. @cu97tiger pretty much nailed it. I just don't think I would appreciate my sister pointing out the things she doesn't like about my BF especially if I am aiming for marriage. What might be annoying to you might be funny or endearing to your sister.

    It's gloomy and chilly here. My roommate didn't pay the cable bill on time so I have no cable and internet until tomorrow and it's midterm week so I'm kinda annoyed. I guess I'll be spending most of my day studying at the library. Also my third (and hopefully last) interview is today and I am actually kinda nervous this time, more about the possibility of me quitting my job than anything. I know it's best for me but it's still hard. My closing barista didn't show up for his shift last night and didn't call or anything, so I had to scramble to get someone to come in and one of my favorite people to work with wound up coming through for me. Funnily enough I saw the no-show parked outside the store while I was walking in to begin my shift so unless my eyes deceived me I am betting he saw me and decided to bail simply because I was working. So, yeah, new job = better times for me, I almost guarantee it.
  • labrolabro member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    @eilis1228 I'm sending you BIG BIG Internet hugs and love and support and vibes!

    And puppies!

    image



  • @LaBro PUPPIES!!!!!!!!! They seriously make everything better.

    @Swazzle LOVE the curtains! Your dining room is gorgeous!


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  • @jenjen047, I'm with @cu97tiger. Plus, Hallmark doesn't make a "sorry-I-trash-talked-your-BF" card, so there's that, too.

    @eilis1228, you and your family are in my thoughts. May peace find you soon. Also, how did you turn Empire into a drinking game?
    ---
    No water in my basement this morning! I have my work keys and my ID so I could get into my office and I can eat lunch today! Today is already much better than yesterday.

    Nothing much from this weekend, realized I didn't update. H and I are still fighting with the wedding video - we're trying to burn DVDs for parents and ourselves (and grandparents and a couple other relatives who have expressed interest), but we can't get it to work quite yet. Oh well. Gaming tonight, and tomorrow night we get to pick up the wedding pictures! We'll be a while going through them.

    This weekend I'm going to a barn dance. Forecast calls for a high of 66 and a low of 51, with a 30-40% chance of showers/thunderstorms. Am I correct in assuming this is a jeans, tennis shoes, t-shirt, cardigan kind of event?
  • @eilis1228 Sending you all the hugs and thoughts today! We are here for you!

    @Swazzle Woah! I just realized the fruit changed today lol. I feel like a papaya is huge! 
  • SwazzleSwazzle member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    @eilis1228 - SO many big, big hugs <3

    @TwoDimes - I basically measured the wall to figure out the real center and then measured the left edge of the window from that and then went from the center spot to that far out on the right. I have no idea if that makes any sense. But yes, in a nutshell, I put the curtains up to make the window appear centered :)

    @untouchablets - Kick ass today, lady!



  • @Swazzle - I'm in love with your dining room! It looks amazing!


  • @labro - We're have a 6:00am flight the Monday after our wedding! Which means we'll basically be driing to the airport in the middle of the night. Hopefully we're so exhausted by Sunday evening that we go to sleep really early and at least get a few good hours of sleep.

    @Swazzle - LOVE LOVE LOVE absolutely everything about your dining room.

    @Everyone about the bachelorette - I was falling asleep towards the end of it, but I SERIOUSLY hope it's Kaitlyn. I'm hopeful because they seemed to be trying to make viewers think Brit was favored.
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  • @eilis1228 - So many hugs coming your way. Hang in there :-(
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  • @twodimes the pic of Indy is adorable

    @swazzle I love it!!!  You guys have gotten so much done on your home!

    Work is so busy today, ahhhh meetings and more meetings.  I hope this makes 5pm get here faster though.

    Anniversary

  • phiraphira member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    @jenjen047 I've had issues with two of my in-laws; both of them can be incredibly condescending and one of them in particular likes to play Devil's Advocate as though he were in the Olympics and going for the Devil's Advocate gold medal. Unlike you, though, I was the outsider, which meant that if anyone was going to leave, it would be me, not them. Here's what I've learned:

    1) Focus on the good things. Does your sister's boyfriend treat her well? Does she seem happy? He's got good qualities, even if it doesn't feel like it when he's being irritating.

    2) Have debate-enders ready to go and be ready to drop a conversation without a "win." I get really antsy and irritated when I feel very strongly that other people are wrong, don't know what they're talking about, or less knowledgeable than I am about a subject (and therefore should either acknowledge my expertise or concede to it). It's taken a lot of practice to just say, "Yeah, I've got a lot of opinions about it, but right now, I'm just enjoying this dip. It's really good." Or, "Yeah, that's a complicated subject. I don't know how I feel about it. Anyway, what really matters is that the weather finally improved."

    For your example, "Eh, taste is taste. Whaddya gonna do? Anyway, what the hell do you think could be done about these terrible Red Sox?"

    3) If your sister asks for your honesty, try to focus on the positive things. Even if this guy is a genuine asshole who's even worse behind closed doors than he is in front of you and your sister's family and friends, the goal is to keep the connection between yourself and your sister as strong as possible. I know that the people in my life who've always been supportive and positive are the people who I can go to if I'm having trouble in my relationship. I can trust that they'll be honest with me and not shun me or judge me for opting in or out when all is said and done. Voicing your irritation will very likely cause her to back off from you, stop talking to you about her relationship, and possibly even stop spending time with you as her relationship gets more serious.

    It sucks, it's not fair, this guy sounds like a bit of a jerk, and I wish you could safely be honest.
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  • Thanks for all the hugs, everyone! <3 You guys are the best!


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  • Thank you everyone who gave advice on my situation, I really
    appreciate it. FWIW, I never planned
    to say anything to my sister (would only do that if there was a legit concern
    for her safety and/or wellbeing). I was looking for advice on how to deal with/get
    over these negative feelings. Like @cu97tiger said, I need to focus on the positives
    and the things my sister appreciates about him. I will definitely work on this
    going forward!

    @labro – I agree that each instance is very small and could
    be written off by a bad joke attempt…but there are so many comments like that
    that it starts to grate on my nerves. For instance, for Christmas (when they
    had been dating for about 8 weeks) my sister made him a gift basket filled with
    little treats for road trips (they live 2 hours apart so he commutes up to her
    a lot) like his favorite snacks, music, and some vouchers for the train and bus
    in case he doesn’t feel like driving all the time. A few weeks after Christmas
    he told her he was really let down by her gift and thought she would be better
    at gift giving. Another example….a few minutes after the Taylor Swift comment,
    BF and I said we wanted to go down the road to visit a few bakeries and
    chocolate shops and he said “you better visit the diabetes clinic after that”. Again,
    each example is small but they add up to an overall not-enjoyable experience
    with him and feeling very belittled.

    @bethsmiles – it’s not out of the realm of possibility that
    she would ask my opinion. She asked back in February if I had noticed that he
    gets into debates a lot, if I thought our parents didn’t like it, and said that
    it makes her uncomfortable. She’s also said that she doesn’t feel like he fits
    in with our family and asked if I thought so too. Also way to go with the
    running! 2 miles is nothing to look down your nose at!

    @twodimes – I think that’s really good advice about what to
    say if she were to ask my opinion.

    ---------------------------------------------------

    As for The Bachelorette - I agree with @labro that 2 hours
    was a lot of time for nothing. And I agree with @southernpeach89 and
    @hummingbird125 that I dislike Brit. BF thinks they might have a tie in the
    votes and keep both girls.

    @swazzle – love your dining room!! Can you come decorate my
    house? I’m awful at interior decorating.

    @eilis1228  - sending
    hugs and T&P your way. Congrats on the new mattress! Will you have to get
    extra deep sheets to fit the new bed?

    @twodimes – indy is so cute!!!

  • @jenjen047 - Ah, if she's asking questions specifically related to the annoying behavior then it's hard to just stay vague about your opinion. Maybe you could suggest she address this issue with her bf? Maybe he is a nice guy who just doesn't realize how he's coming off to people when he wants to debate everything.


  • @phira - thanks for the tips. im the same way that i get irritated and antsy when people challenge me on topics that i know i am more knowledgeable about. i will definitely keep your suggestions in my back pocket for the next  time i see him! :)
  • labrolabro member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    @jenjen047 That's a good theory since there are now 24 guys instead of 25 so it could go 50/50. Should be interesting tonight.



  • @bethsmiles - thats a really good suggestion. i know hes a good guy and he makes her happy, so its entirely possible he just doesnt realize how it comes across, or maybe he just has a terrible sense of humor. i think if she brings up any of this again, i will just kind of put it back on her and say "i can see how that would be an issue, if its really bothering you about him, you should address it with him directly". that way i dont have to give my opinion but am still validating her concern.

    thanks everyone! i feel so much better now!!
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