Unity Ceremony Ideas/ Memorium

Knottie9174117

Hello All,

   I need some advice, I want to do a traditional unity ceremony but would like to put a twist on it to make it personal to my fiance and I. We are both outdoorsy we both like archery and hunting, I'm a nurse and he's an engineer. Any ideas would be great I just need to start brain stroming.

    Another thing I need help with is we've decided to do a memorial tribute to my fiances grandpas after the unity ceremony where we pass white roses to his grandmothers, but I was planning to use the same song for both because they are sort of combined . Any suggestions for songs that I could use?

kaos16

Knottie9174117 said:

Hello All,

   I need some advice, I want to do a traditional unity ceremony but would like to put a twist on it to make it personal to my fiance and I. We are both outdoorsy we both like archery and hunting, I'm a nurse and he's an engineer. Any ideas would be great I just need to start brain stroming.

    Another thing I need help with is we've decided to do a memorial tribute to my fiances grandpas after the unity ceremony where we pass white roses to his grandmothers, but I was planning to use the same song for both because they are sort of combined . Any suggestions for songs that I could use?

Getting married is a unity ceremony, you don't need anything else.  With that being said, sand and candles are often popular.  Maybe you can plant a tree or something.

With respect to the passing of roses to Grandmas. . . . weddings are supposed to be a happy, joyous occasion.  Turning them into a memorial for those who have passed can go south quickly.  Are you sure that everyone would be ok with such a visible memorial gesture?  Perhaps there is something more subtle you could do.

Jen4948

Your wedding is a "unity ceremony," so I'm not sure why the basic ceremony doesn't do enough to unite you.

Also, I think that if you do anything for a memorial at a wedding, you need to keep it subtle and not evoke grief or loss.  Passing roses to your FI's grandmothers might bring back for them the pain of their losses, so I wouldn't advise it.  Instead, you might give the grandfathers tributes in a wedding program if you are doing one, he might wear or carry something they owned or was associated with them, or you might offer food, drink, refreshments, or entertainment they'd enjoy.  If your ceremony is religious, you might also say appropriate prayers for them.

justsie

I've told this story before but I'll say it again. I was a guest a wedding with a "memorial" of a family member that had passed. I wasn't over the death and it caused me to start crying loudly and have to excuse myself from the ceremony. I also excused myself from the reception and went home. It was very embarrassing/uncomfortable for me and I'd never wish that on everyone. Please no public memorials at weddings, you never know how it will affect others. 

lembaslover

We are doing a sapling ceremony. Where we have a red maple sapling in a pot, our mothers will come up and put some dirt in it and then we will water it. We'll keep it in the pot until we move and then maybe we'll plant it in our backyard or maybe we'll just keep it potted. 

To make the ceremony I just kind of mashed up what I found on the internet for a sapling ceremony with the traditional unity candle ceremony and some of the meaning that the red maple has for us. 

Since you say you're outdoorsy this might be an idea for you though it doesn't really connect being a nurse and engineer (my fiance and I are both engineers :P )

[Deleted User]

I like the idea of tree ceremony because it's something that will continue grow just as your love does. I went to a wedding where they had a bouquet of white roses an the alter and just listed in the program that the white flowers on the alter were in memory of those that couldn't be there that day with them. There was only one grandmother I believe out of 8 grandparents was still surviving. I thought it was sweet but I wasn't a relative of those that had passed either. So I'm not sure how I would react if it was someone I loved being honored, especially if it was a recent passing.

madamerwin

Erikan73 said: I like the idea of tree ceremony because it's something that will continue grow just as your love does. I went to a wedding where they had a bouquet of white roses an the alter and just listed in the program that the white flowers on the alter were in memory of those that couldn't be there that day with them. There was only one grandmother I believe out of 8 grandparents was still surviving. I thought it was sweet but I wasn't a relative of those that had passed either. So I'm not sure how I would react if it was someone I loved being honored, especially if it was a recent passing.

---WHERE ARE YOU BOX---

I think the bolded is totally acceptable - it's subtle, not really front-and-center. I do agree with PPs, though. Incorporating a memorial into the ceremony itself can be a downer. Having flowers on the altar with a note in the program, or having charms on your bouquet with photos of passed relatives is one thing - overtly honoring them as part of the ceremony is not something I would do.

southernbelle0915

DH and I wrote each other letters and put them in a box during the ceremony. The plan is to open them on one of our anniversaries (I think #5). This took about 30 seconds during the actual ceremony.

As far as a memorial for your FI's grandfather, I really would not do this. A wedding is a celebration of unity - not a memorial for the deceased. An obvious memorial is highly emotional and inappropriate for a wedding. We had a candle burning on the guest book table with a little frame that said something like "remembering those who couldn't be with us on this special day" or something. It was not "in your face", didn't call out anyone specific, or and not something wemade people watch. Go for subtle. The rose thing is not subtle.

redheadbride15

Regarding memorials, our officiant had a nice way of including H's deceased father in the welcome by saying something along the lines of "We are surrounded by our loved ones in body as well as in spirit, in particular noting the presence of H's father, so-and-so". Her phrasing was far more eloquent though - I wish I could remember the exact wording but I can't. It was simple, non-emotional, but acknowledged his father's spiritual presence despite physical absence, which was important for H and his family. And then the rest of the ceremony launched, so people were quickly redirected to the purpose at hand - a wedding and celebration!

lalapalooza2222

I will be doing an oathing stone ceremony.

Jen4948

lalapalooza2222 said:

I will be doing an oathing stone ceremony.

How does that work?

lalapalooza2222

Here is a link to a little background on it.
http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com/oathingstone.html

During the reading of the Bride and Groom's wedding vows, they hold an Oathing Stone in their hands.

It's really a sweet ceremony and it involves all who attend since they all hold a small stone to during the ceremony as well.

Jen4948

lalapalooza2222 said:

Here is a link to a little background on it. http://www.celebrateintimateweddings.com/oathingstone.html During the reading of the Bride and Groom's wedding vows, they hold an Oathing Stone in their hands. It's really a sweet ceremony and it involves all who attend since they all hold a small stone to during the ceremony as well.

Thanks for the explanation.