Do parents of the wedding party get an invite?

[Deleted User]

So my mom just asked what the "new" etiquette is for parents of the wedding party. She made it seem like parents used to be invited, but maybe she is just trying to be cautious. A few of my BMs' parents are friends with my parents, and they will be invited because of that, but others are not and I didn't even think to put them on the list. (FTR: I haven't sent invites or ANYTHING out yet, just need to know if I should update my guest list.)

So, regardless of how things used to be, is there a rule about inviting WP parents?

banana468

My dad brought this up to me but he is the ONLY person who mentioned it as a "rule" - and my parents were married in 1977.   

We did not do this.   We were 27 when we married and we didn't invite the parents of the BP except for one BM - and that's because her parents were friendly with my parents.   I don't understand how such a rule makes sense unless the BP were minors. 

[Deleted User]

abcdevonn said:

So my mom just asked what the "new" etiquette is for parents of the wedding party. She made it seem like parents used to be invited, but maybe she is just trying to be cautious. A few of my BMs' parents are friends with my parents, and they will be invited because of that, but others are not and I didn't even think to put them on the list. (FTR: I haven't sent invites or ANYTHING out yet, just need to know if I should update my guest list.)

So, regardless of how things used to be, is there a rule about inviting WP parents?

I think this "rule" went into effect when brides and their bridesmaids were all 18 years old and moving out of their parents' homes for the first time.  All the bridesmaids would have grown up together in the same community having been "co-raised" by each other's parents.  

At my age, I don't even know most of my friends' parents.  I'm sure they'd find it strange to  be invited to my wedding.

lyndausvi

Only if you want too.     We didn't invite any of our non-family WP members families.   I've never met the GM's parents (DH grew up knowing them, but has not seen them in many, many years).

However, my SIL did.   Her and all of her WP members families all still live within a few blocks of each other.  They all grew up going to each other's homes and still do. They have known each other their entire lives. There is a connection there.

Casadena

Only family members in the WP had their parents invited - if you don't know them and they wouldn't be invited other than their kid is in your WP I wouldn't invite them.  My H and I were just in a wedding where they invited both of our parents (they had only met the couple once) and both of our parents thought it was kind of gift grabby. 

luckya23

I didn't invite my MOH's mother, or aunt and uncle who are like parents to her.

Come to think of it, they have been acting funny since then, I wonder if they thought they would be invited!

climbingsingle

I've never heard of parents of the wedding party being invited. Unless of course the WP member are family (a sibling or cousin). 

JediElizabeth

I've never heard of this rule, and when I've been in a wedding party, my mother has never been invited unless she knew the family. I don't believe my other friends' parents were involved when they were WP members, either.

This might be appropriate (but not mandatory) in smaller communities, or if your WP is mainly people you've known your whole life, and therefore whose parents you know, but I don't think it's the norm at all.

AddieCake

You don't need to invite people just because they are the parents of the wedding party unless maybe they are children.

santiago2615

We are only inviting parents of the WP that we are close to. In FIs case, it's pretty much the parents of 75% of his WP. He grew up in a small town and it's pretty much "it takes a village..." type of thing. I don't mind because they always include us in their family gatherings.

Now, on my WP side, I'm only inviting FSIL (also a BM)  parents because FMIL asked us to and she's paying for 75% of the wedding. But, we also then and spent Thanksgiving together, so it's not like they're strangers and/or we don't like them.

[Deleted User]

Thanks, everyone. My parents got married in the 1970s, so that makes sense. It's been interesting explaining to them how things have changed in the past 30+ years when it comes to weddings...

lyndausvi

abcdevonn said:

Thanks, everyone. My parents got married in the 1970s, so that makes sense. It's been interesting explaining to them how things have changed in the past 30+ years when it comes to weddings...

Back in the 1970's most people met and married their spouses from their home town.  They didn't move much.  Most of your friends were childhood friends.   It was more likely that you knew your friends family.  Heck, in a lot of cases they were your next door neighbors.  There was a connection.

Fast forward 40 years.  People are on the move.   Many people move away from their home towns.  You are more likely to have friends from around the country or even world not just your childhood friends.   It's less likely you even met your friend's parents.  You keeping in touch with childhood parents is less likely also.

Times change.

SP29

I have never heard of this one either.

Maybe it was common, but I don't think it was a rule.

We did not invite the parents of any WP members.

frenchiekin

We are only inviting the parents of WP members that either we or our parents are close to.  My MOH has been my best friend for 15 years so I am close with her parents.  She invited my parents to her wedding as well.  A couple of FIs GMs parents are close friends with my FILs, so they are invited.  My FILs and the Best Man's parents DO NOT get along, despite living next door to each other for almost 30 years and their sons being best friends.  We are not inviting them (the mom is insane/not a nice person and we like to keep a distance whenever possible).  That was a battle but I put my foot down - we technically invited WP parents in circles and we are trying to keep the wedding a drama-free zone.

Other parents of WP members besides our siblings are not invited because there are no real relationships there.

MrsMack10612

I invited the parents of 2 of my maids and not the other 2 and I don't think the parents (except for mine as my brother was a GM) were invited to ours.

The 2 invited, I have known for years, through their children.  My mom only met 2 of them at my bridal shower and my dad had never met any of them.

madamerwin

I invited the parents of 2 BMs (well, 5 if you count my sisters and my own parents), but not the others. I invited them because I have relationships with them, not simply because they are the parents of bridesmaids... I have never heard of such a rule before.

lovesclimbing

I think you only need to if you know the parents as well. I invited my bridesmaids' parents but that's because they were all my sisters.    One of my H's groomsmen was our now BIL (married my sister, they were dating at the time), and we didn't invite his parents. I don't think H had ever met them but I had a time or two.  I kind of wish we would have because they are now my sister's in-laws and know my parents and I see them every so often.  Oh well.

lovesclimbing

I think you only need to if you know the parents as well. I invited my bridesmaids' parents but that's because they were all my sisters.    One of my H's groomsmen was our now BIL (married my sister, they were dating at the time), and we didn't invite his parents. I don't think H had ever met them but I had a time or two.  I kind of wish we would have because they are now my sister's in-laws and know my parents and I see them every so often.  Oh well.

Jen4948

lovesclimbing said:

I think you only need to if you know the parents as well. I invited my bridesmaids' parents but that's because they were all my sisters.    One of my H's groomsmen was our now BIL (married my sister, they were dating at the time), and we didn't invite his parents. I don't think H had ever met them but I had a time or two.  I kind of wish we would have because they are now my sister's in-laws and know my parents and I see them every so often.  Oh well.

Even if you know the parents, there's no requirement that they be invited unless their children who are in your wedding party are minors.

mrscomposer

I don't think I've ever seen where parents of the WP were invited - unless they were friends in their own right.  We didn't invite any of ours (except, of course, the parents of our MOH and BM for obvious also-our-parents reasons).

I maybe-possibly-might have invited the parents of my BMs if we had been married in my home province, but we're not close enough to ask them to travel.

kimmiinthemitten

I've been a BM without my parents being invited so I agree with the PP.

This thread though made me take inventory and ironically we will both have a sibling, best friend and cousin stand up on either side (just worked out that way) so all of the parents are invited, but they're all either family or fake adopted family.