Dear Prudence,
I need advice about something that I can’t ask anyone else. I have been with my boyfriend for two years. He is charming, funny, and my best friend. We both have good careers, share common interests, and love each other very much. However, he confessed something horrible to me the other night. He grew up on a farm and ranch, with a very conservative and religious family, and was home-schooled. “Ray” did not receive an early education about sex and was not allowed to talk about it or ask questions. At age 12, while looking for answers on the Internet, he found porn. Some of it was bestiality. He then participated in these atrocious activities from age 12 to 15. Ray went to public high school at 15, finally learned about sex, and found girls. He has not been back to this practice for more than 10 years and feels an incredible sense of regret, shame, and guilt about it. I am the first person he has ever told. I am shocked, disgusted, and fearful of what this means for his psyche. He refuses to see a therapist. I feel so overwhelmed by this confession that I don’t know what to do. Should I have packed my bags that night? Do I seek counseling? Can we move forward? Please help me process this.