WDWWT? and a vent

loveshine1

I have planned A's party for the first Sunday in December at a local children's museum. I'm inviting our families, friends and his class at school.

I made a $100 deposit to secure the date 3 weeks ago. I found out on Sunday at A's basketball game from my brother in law that he and his parents will be in Gainesville for his graduation from his remote MBA program that day. I had no idea, and I cannot change the party. Not only is that deposit non-refundable, but because we have a party every weekend after that until the end of the year. I apologized to my brother in law and he was totally fine with it either way. I also apologized to my MIL when she texted me about it last night and said that they should do what works for them and if they can't make it, I plan to do something at our house with family the night of his actual birthday.

This morning when I was dropping L off, my FIL asks me to change the party because it's unfair to A that both his uncle and his grandparents won't be there. Apparently, Jason and I, his brother, his other grandparents, great grandparents, his friends and all his classmates are simply not enough for him. I immediately cut him off and said, "I cannot change the party. I'm sorry. Do whatever you need to do."

I'm not sure if I'm asking for advice or validation here or just whining.  I feel like they find it necessary to attend every event in the kid's life and I find that crazy. It's to the point where I don't tell them about things the kids are doing (like sports) because they will show up to EVERY.SINGLE.GAME.AND.PRACTICE.

So would you do if you were me? Indulge this or consider it nonsense and move on?

NowIAmSyp

loveshine1 said:

I have planned A's party for the first Sunday in December at a local children's museum. I'm inviting our families, friends and his class at school.

I made a $100 deposit to secure the date 3 weeks ago. I found out on Sunday at A's basketball game from my brother in law that he and his parents will be in Gainesville for his graduation from his remote MBA program that day. I had no idea, and I cannot change the party. Not only is that deposit non-refundable, but because we have a party every weekend after that until the end of the year. I apologized to my brother in law and he was totally fine with it either way. I also apologized to my MIL when she texted me about it last night and said that they should do what works for them and if they can't make it, I plan to do something at our house with family the night of his actual birthday.

This morning when I was dropping L off, my FIL asks me to change the party because it's unfair to A that both his uncle and his grandparents won't be there. Apparently, Jason and I, his brother, his other grandparents, great grandparents, his friends and all his classmates are simply not enough for him. I immediately cut him off and said, "I cannot change the party. I'm sorry. Do whatever you need to do."

I'm not sure if I'm asking for advice or validation here or just whining.  I feel like they find it necessary to attend every event in the kid's life and I find that crazy. It's to the point where I don't tell them about things the kids are doing (like sports) because they will show up to EVERY.SINGLE.GAME.AND.PRACTICE.

So would you do if you were me? Indulge this or consider it nonsense and move on?

Honestly- you already know the answer  It's in your post (bolded).  Stay strong- there's a very valid reason why you can't change the party.  And besides, they'll get a chance to see him the night you host something at your house.  

Done and Done.  

*Barbie*

consider it nonsense. it's nice that they want to be involved, but you've already booked and it's not refundable. you can't please everyone. I'm betting A will be more excited about his friends attending than his uncle /grandparents.  

VarunaTT

Conflicts happen.  They asked, you said no, and that's the end of the conversation.  

Who are these people who expect everyone to change schedules according to what that person wants to do?  I'm dealing with someone like this right now.

mrsconn23

They need to get over it.   Don't give into the crazy. 

I got fucked out of any family bday parties because I'm a mid-January baby.  My older sister was born on my dad's bday in Sept. and they were always celebrated together.  My younger sister was born the week after Thanksgiving and my cousin was born the week before, so they always got their bdays celebrated on Thanksgiving.  By the time my bday rolled around, people (my mom) were family-d out. 

I literally just thought about this for the first time in years.  I think I'm OK and well-adjusted. 

Your FIL is talking about missing ONE birthday party.  He needs to get past this self-importance. 

6fsn

That's the day that works for you, go for it.  I'm finally getting past trying to get a date that works for everyone. 

tawillers

You have already gone beyond for them by offering to have a small celebration with them at your house.  Do not feel bad about not moving the party.

Not that you should tell them this, but moving the party is really cancelling the party since you have no other dates available.  And that's not fair to A.

Heffalump

loveshine1 said:

So would you do if you were me? Indulge this or consider it nonsense and move on?

The latter, definitely.

i2i w/V on people who expect everyone to reschedule their lives for them. 

mollybarker11

I'm sure your will be having too much fun with the rest of his guests to be worrying about his uncle & grandparents not being there, so don't let that "It's not fair to him" line get to you! The party sounds awesome btw.

They get a special exclusive celebration with him on his actual birthday. It's nonsense that FIL expects you to cancel the other party just because he can't be there.