Only mother walks me? Jewish ceremony

Knottie0210675

My fiance and I are both secular Jews, but we are having a Jewish ceremony with a reform rabbi, so the ceremony is pretty lax in terms of religiousness. 

In Jewish weddings, both parents walk the bride down the aisle. My father has not been in my life since I was a small child and I’m fine with that. My mother for some reason thinks it may be seen as a faux pas if only a mother is walking the bride. 

Both my fiance and I keep trying to tell her that it’s fine, and our rabbi said it’s 100% fine. I just know she is afraid of what “people will think”. Which is stupid because most people there are aware that my mother is the one who raised me and she is the one walking me. 

Also, I don’t really have any male figure to even act as a “stand in”. In any case, my mother’s insecurity about it is wearing on me and making me worry that perhaps it’s “not okay” for just a mom to walk her daughter? I don’t even know anymore.

 

Still, I come to these boards for input from fellow brides, what do you think?

Jen4948

Tell your mother that any combination of parents can walk their child down an aisle at a Jewish wedding, and yours won't be invalidated by your father's absense

JediElizabeth

Knottie0210675 said:

My fiance and I are both secular Jews, but we are having a Jewish ceremony with a reform rabbi, so the ceremony is pretty lax in terms of religiousness. 

In Jewish weddings, both parents walk the bride down the aisle. My father has not been in my life since I was a small child and I’m fine with that. My mother for some reason thinks it may be seen as a faux pas if only a mother is walking the bride. 

Both my fiance and I keep trying to tell her that it’s fine, and our rabbi said it’s 100% fine. I just know she is afraid of what “people will think”. Which is stupid because most people there are aware that my mother is the one who raised me and she is the one walking me. 

Also, I don’t really have any male figure to even act as a “stand in”. In any case, my mother’s insecurity about it is wearing on me and making me worry that perhaps it’s “not okay” for just a mom to walk her daughter? I don’t even know anymore.

 

Still, I come to these boards for input from fellow brides, what do you think?

You're 100% right, and your mother is being a little too conscious of appearances. No one is going to talk badly...they're going to think it's really sweet to see you and your mother walking together, if they think anything of it at all.

CMGragain

Tell your Mom that everything is fine with her walking you alone.

justsie

I agree with PPs, also I'm wondering if your mom wants to walk down the aisle? This may be her way of nicely saying she doesn't want to, I'd double check that first, but otherwise I completely agree with PPs, anyone can walk a bride down an aisle and if someone talks poorly of it then that will reflect poorly on them and no you nor your mother. 

Knottie0210675

Yes of course she wants to - I'm incredibly close to my mother. She is only concerned about having that ''empty space'' on the other side of me as she walks me. She thinks it's not allowed or will look strange to people or something.

holyguacamole79

Knottie0210675 said:

Yes of course she wants to - I'm incredibly close to my mother. She is only concerned about having that ''empty space'' on the other side of me as she walks me. She thinks it's not allowed or will look strange to people or something.

I wouldn't think anything of it.

I have a friend whose father passed away when she was young.  Her mother walked her down the aisle at her wedding, and it was absolutely beautiful.  I know in this case your father isn't deceased ... I just wanted to add an experience where a mother walked her daughter down the aisle without a man, and it was absolutely fine.

climbingsingle

It's totally fine and it won't look strange at all. 

And to go one step further, if you mother is the one that raised you and did it on her own, why should she share that honor of walking you down the aisle? 

kimmiinthemitten

One of my friends had her mom walk her down the aisle, it was appropriate and sweet.

Tell your mom to google  "mom walk me down the aisle."  There a literally over a million hits.

Jen4948

Knottie0210675 said:

Yes of course she wants to - I'm incredibly close to my mother. She is only concerned about having that ''empty space'' on the other side of me as she walks me. She thinks it's not allowed or will look strange to people or something.

She's wrong that it's "not allowed." And anyone who would side-eye it shouldn't be invited to your wedding because they're being disrespectful to you and to your mother.

I'd tell her, "Mom, this really is a non-issue in Judaism and in every other respect outside your mind. Anyone who thinks it's 'strange' or 'wrong' for you to walk me down the aisle by yourself is someone who doesn't deserve to be there, so please stop fretting about 'how it will look' to other people."

jacques27

Knottie0210675 said:

Yes of course she wants to - I'm incredibly close to my mother. She is only concerned about having that ''empty space'' on the other side of me as she walks me. She thinks it's not allowed or will look strange to people or something.

So, walk down the middle so it's not "empty". 

In many other cultures, the father is the only one walking the bride down the aisle (even if she is Jewish, surely she has seen movies and television shows that have such weddings) - does she think it looks empty without the mother?  Does she think having a person with a penis walk down an aisle is more important to you, your friends, and family than walking down the aisle with someone with whom you have a significant relationship?  Honestly, if I knew your father bailed and you don't maintain a relationship with him and you asked him or a substitute to walk with you because it "looks too empty," I would side-eye the hell out of that.  You can walk alone or with any person or combination of people you want - heck, do have an aunt or grandmother you're close to?  They can walk with you, too.  This is one of those things where it truly doesn't matter and practically no one except for the people actually walking down the aisle care.

MairePoppy

Your mom should feel proud that she did such a great job of raising you. There is nothing strange about her walking you down the aisle.

lyndausvi

I wouldn't think twice about it.  

My MIL walked my SIL down the aisle because SIL's dad is a fucking asshole and wasn't invited.   No one thought twice about it. MIL was the one who raised SIL. Everyone knows that so what's the big deal?

Give your mom some time to come around.  Maybe even show her pictures of just mom's walking their daughters down to show how nice it looks.

To be honest, some aisles are not all the wide for 3 people to walk down anyway.

BlueBirdMB

I've been to Jewish weddings where there was only one parent who walked the bride down the aisle.  It's simply a tradition and has nothing to do with etiquette.  You can certainly have your mother only walk you down the aisle.